Welcome to My MiniCourse on Attracting Men!

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Welcome to Day 2 of the How to Be Irresistible to Men 6-Part MiniCourse. If you are looking for the greatest gold-mine of "how to attract men" advice ever crammed into a newsletter course, then read on!

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Day 2 - Attraction Ain't Love

If you read all the books on dating and attraction out there, you’d be forgiven that all it takes to get a man interested in you is flipping a switch. Like magic, INsSTANT ATTRACTION!

Tracy Cabot tells us in How to Make a Man Fall in Love with You that all we need to know is whether his love language is visual, auditory, or feelings, then mirror his language right back to him. Lisa Daily in Stop Getting Dumped! tells us that all we have to do is let him make all the moves and keep three guys on dating rotation. Susan Rabin explains How to Attract Anyone, Anytime, Anyplace with flirtation and a smile. Leil Lowndes gets love at first sight down to a science in How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You. And, of course, who hasn’t read Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider’s The Rules, which tells us that the secret to attraction is playing hard to get?

My head swirls just thinking about it all.

There’s only one problem. We can spend years of our lives mastering the dating scene, only to get married and watch our relationship fall to pieces because we learned more about how to play hard to get than how to act once he’s got us.

When you look at all the numerous popular books out there on dating, the tactics can seem quite artificial. You’re supposed to memorize exactly what you’re supposed do when he does this. You’re supposed to treat him in certain ways regardless of what your heart is telling you. You’re supposed to say certain things and not others.

As a result, you may end up bagging a boyfriend or even a husband, but if you’re anything like me you’ll always feel suspicious that who he fell in love with wasn’t actually YOU but the person you pretended to be.

Even worse, someone who rigorously followed The Rules may find herself automatically holding back her feelings in a relationship. Someone who became used to ramping up the attraction by being unavailable may find that she can’t sustain her partner’s interest when they’re living together all the time. Someone who’s an expert at making men fall in love with her may find that the same techniques are completely useless at keeping him in love.

Old habits are hard to break, creating a recipe for disaster.

Dating is learned behavior, so it MATTERS what we learn. Right now, I am going to ask you to entertain the notion that you don’t have any need for the above books, because you will never, EVER have to make the right man fall in love with you. The only men that you have to MAKE fall in love are the wrong men for you anyway.

I am not going to elaborate any more on this idea at the moment, but keep it in your head. If you’ve read Greg Behrendt’s He’s Just Not That Into You, you know a little bit about what I’m talking about.

Dating isn’t a game that you can win by memorizing rules. Dating is—at its HEART—a process of discovery. Discovering how you interact with different kinds of people. Discovering what fills your needs. Discovering lessons about life through intimate companionship with another.

If you focus so hard on the goal of getting a mate that you are blinded to the process of discovery and your own feelings, then you may end up with the booby prize of an engagement ring without love.

So many women convince themselves that they’re really in love with a guy when they’re actually not. They feel giddy and protected and bigger than themselves in his presence. They associate so many good feelings with him that they are convinced that HE is their cause. As a result, they think they have to keep him in order to ensure that the good feelings keep flowing.

But what if I told you that what you were feeling when you were falling for a guy was not love at all?

Psychologists M. Scott Peck and Dorothy Tennov, among others, believe that the feeling of falling in love is separate from the experience of real love. Dr. Tennov even believes that we should have a different word altogether for the experience of being in love (she suggests the term limerance).

Dr. Peck describes the difference in this way. REAL love takes work. It is an act of will that focuses on both partners’ growth and development. FALLING in love, on the other hand, takes no effort at all. A person “in love” basks in the bliss of the beloved’s seeming perfection, while a person who loves unconditionally sees their lover honestly and continues to love even when unpleasant character traits arise. Because of the difficult in learning to love, real love can take years to develop, while falling in love can happen in an instant.

This means that a ticking clock accompanies all the wonderful feelings you experience while you are with a man that you’ve fallen in love with. They will end … and if real love hasn’t arisen to take its place, the relationship will end, too.

What few dating books will tell you is that the art of “making someone fall in love with you” is a misnomer. Even if you practice all the arts of seduction on a man, all you’re going to get at best is ... well, limerance.

Put bluntly, you can make a man fall in love with you, but that’s no guarantee that he will love you.

That is why it is so important to learn how to LOVE. It is the only tool you have for creating a relationship that will last forever.

For decades, Hollywood has confused the experience of falling in love with true love. Movies like Sleepless in Seattle taught us that love at first sight was the real thing. If you fell in love, you were supposed to get married, because the intensity of the in-love experience proved that he was the One for you.

Yet in actual fact, the warm tingles, the rush of emotion, the euphoria of touch, and the irresistible desire to be with him all the time is a TEMPORARY feeling. At most, a couple’s romantic bliss will last for two years. In most cases, it ends sooner.

As mirage of romantic love has spread throughout popular culture, the specter of divorce has grown stronger. Today, when all of us have a choice about who we are going to marry and greater partner choice than ever before, we still are more likely to get divorced than our grandparents.

What can we conclude from all this?

First, that falling in love is no guarantee that the relationship will mature into a love that lasts forever.

Second, that perhaps we’ve been going about attracting men all wrong.

When you spend all your time learning how to attract men superficially by memorizing how to act, how to talk, and how to dress, you may succeed in getting men to fall in love with you, but you may find it difficult to get them to love you.

So how do we go about getting REAL love?

The secret lies in the universal law that we get what we give.

You can’t get love. You can only give it and have faith that what you give will be returned to you.

Sound harsh? It’s not. It’s actually the most exciting journey you’ll ever embark upon.

In my How to Be Irresistible to Men course, you’ll learn how to radiate the kind of energy that attracts men on their deepest level. You’ll learn to identify the areas where past experiences have made you defensive and open them up again. You’ll learn how to create a welcome place for men in your life. If you practice the techniques in my course faithfully, you’ll find that the right men are naturally drawn to you. That’s because loving behavior attracts loving men.

Yet most of us don’t truly know how to act loving: we think we are acting in his best interest when, in actuality, we are acting to the way we do to keep him from leaving us, to keep from getting hurt, or to keep from being alone again.

Real love is concerned with growth: our own growth and the growth of our partner. It doesn’t say, “I’m so glad that I’m with him so I don’t have to be lonely.” It doesn’t say, “Being part of a couple is fantastic!” Instead, it asks, “How can we grow together and help one another along life’s path?” Real love is the essence of partnership, when two people face life’s challenges side by side, not turning against one another in the need to possess or perfect.

Gary Chapman, author of the wonderful book, The Five Love Languages, explains real love in this way:

"Our most basic emotional need is not to fall in love but to genuinely be loved by another, to know a love that grows out of reason and choice, not instinct. I need to be loved by someone who chooses to love me, who sees in me something worth loving." (p. 35)

The amazing thing about TRUE love is that it endures whether or not loving feelings are present. You can love your partner even though you dislike him very much at that moment. Dr. Chapman believes that you can act in love even when you hate your partner. REAL LOVE IS MORE POWERFUL THAN FEELINGS.

So how do you get a part of it? I’ll tell you that in the next lesson.

EXERCISE – What is Love?

Gain a better understanding of your concept of love. If you are in a relationship, skip the first question. Then, think about your current or most significant past relationship. Answer questions 2 to 6 by completing the following sentences with the first words that come to mind.

PART ONE

1. I want a partner (e.g., lover, boyfriend, husband) because...

PART TWO

2. When I am with my partner, I expect to feel...

3. If I want to show my partner how much I care, I...

4. My partner makes me feel loved when he...

5. Other people can tell we are in love because...

6. If my partner left me, I would feel...

PART THREE

Take a moment to reflect on your answers to the above questions, noting any patterns. Then, complete the following sentence.

7. Love is...

Got a Question of Your Own?

Do you feel like you learned anything new from this lesson? I know that I certainly was surprised to learn that falling in love might be something different from real love. Has this lesson changed any of your concepts about love?

Since this can be a tricky concept to get hold of, tomorrow we’re going to discuss ways of practicing love in our daily lives and how the dating scene can act as a barrier to developing real love.

As I take you through this course, you may have lots of questions and want to know more about certain topics. My full "How to Be Irresistible to Men" course goes into all these subjects and much more in further detail! Plus you'll receive Sarah Paul's original "How to Be Irresistible to Men" guide as well as FOUR HOURS of online instant-access video on having healthy relationships and understanding how the push-pull dance of dating can work to your advantage ... or disadvantage. That's not all. You'll also discover how to transform your mindset with the secrets of self-hypnosis, overcome shyness, even gain the body of your dreams!

Best of all, if you have a problem in your own love life and have ordered "How to Be Irresistible to Men", you receive a personal email consultation FREE! Just fill in the Members Consultation form and we will get back to you with recommendations on how to solve it once and for all!

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All the best in life and love!

Amy Waterman
Host of "How to Be Irresistible to Men"

About "How to Be Irresistible to Men"

"How to Be Irresistible to Men" has been teaching women the way to greater success in love (and life!) for seven years. It is part of the 000Relationships Network, the leader in downloadable dating & relationship products! My customers love the information they get from the "How To Be Irresistible To Men" program, a comprehensive collection of attraction resources that includes my Premium Course, comprehensive supporting workbook, audio series, original e-book, numerous bonus books, and members-only email consultation.

"How To Be Irresistible To Men" offers ALL women - single or not - a dynamic and comprehensive toolkit to attract love into their lives and establish strong and supportive relationships. I also keep my members informed with weekly posts, book reviews, and gossip on the official 000Relationships LIVE blog. I have thousands of satisfied customers worldwide who have used my course to help them find love and get the relationship they always wanted.

Visit my website to learn how you can start attracting men today!

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