Our second place winner in the 000Relationships LIVE Readers Story competition teaches us that even when we find the man of our dreams, get married, and believe that we have a future of happy-ever-after to look forward to, the story doesn't end…
"My Story"
My name is Beth. I grew up in a typical suburban family in Central Florida. I left my parents home in 1973 to attend the University of Florida. Like many young women then as now, I left my parents’ home with the typical post adolescent insecurities about my self image. I was terribly insecure about my appearance and shy about meeting and dating men in general. I always had a few dates, but my fears were paralyzing and those dates never led to any long lasting or serious relationships. I was terribly smitten by a couple of men that showed an interest and tried to pursue me long term over the years but ultimately their attention and efforts were not enough to help me overcome my fears.
I continued my education and moved cross-country to continue my college education in San Francisco. Despite my fear of men, I was amazingly fearless in my pursuits and had opportunities and successes in my education and professional life that many of my peers envied. They admired and respected my courage and strength. Only my closest confidantes recognized and understood how inexperienced and underdeveloped I was in the affairs of the heart.
By about age 28 most of my girlfriends were married and with children. I started to become a little frightened that I would never find true love. At that age I was working for a major engineering research and development company in a low level management position. Even though I was surrounded by eligible men and my corporate responsibilities included supervising some of these men I was still clueless how to connect with them in a romantic way.
My roommate at the time, who was a couple of years younger than me, was going through a divorce from her first husband. She and I in an effort to keep our lives entertaining and with the ever-present desire to find a really good man joined one of the original dating services. Nothing like the online dating of today. A sales representative from the dating service came to our apartment to interview us, get our profile data and take pictures of us for a card catalogue of sorts they kept to manage their clientele. Once a week we would receive in the mail a batch of index cards with photos and brief profiles. No phone number: it was up to the men who received your matching index card to make the first phone call.
I had a number of men contact me over a period of a few months and had some first dates but, as usual, no big success. That is, until I met Lloyd. I didn't fall head over heels for him as one might imagine. In fact, when I met him my first impression was that he and I had virtually nothing in common. He was a jock and a hunter that had grown up in New York. He was divorced. I was raised in a Southern family and had no interest in sports and had never even had a live in relationship. My passions were art and literature.
He seemed like a nice enough man, though, and was pretty cute, so after our first date when he asked, "When can I see you again?" I decided to give him some more time to capture my heart. My response was, "I dunno, when would you like to see me again?" He quickly responded, "How about tomorrow?"
And so we did, and each time he asked his request was "How about tomorrow?" I can remember telling my assistant at work about this new man in my life. We would joke about my new dating adventure and even gave Lloyd a nickname. When Lloyd would call me at work, my assistant would put him on hold and call to me in my cubicle, "The hunter's on the phone.” We would chuckle, and then I would take the call.
As time went by and Lloyd and I spent more and more time together, my feelings for him grew. Soon we were practically inseparable. I started to enjoy going to basketball games with him and going to watch him play softball. A whole new world opened up for me. Lloyd likewise would accompany me to the independent films with subtitles and take me out to trendy little restaurants and try all kinds of new foods that he really hated but never complained and was always willing to share and share alike in our diverse tastes and interests.
He was a pretty macho guy and had the typical guy talk code and was sparing with his expressions of love and admiration, but I was beginning to understand that his faithful and dependable attention and his eagerness to please me spoke volumes about his feelings for me. We dated for about a year and then decided to move in together. After living together we found that not only could we survive this transition but that our relationship flourished and our feelings of love and contentment grew even stronger. A little more than two years into our relationship, Lloyd asked me to marry him, and I graciously accepted his proposal.
I wasn't low maintenance. I was still insecure about my self image even though I knew in my mind that my new husband absolutely adored everything about me inside and out. I was 31 when I married him, and I don't think I honestly became comfortable with him seeing me naked in the shower or without my makeup until I was close to 40 years old. But this amazingly sweet, gentle, kind and adoring man just kept reassuring me with his love and devotion that I was a beautiful and desirable and charming woman until I finally started to believe it.
Lloyd and I had an incredible marriage. We became the absolute best friends and lovers and shared everything: our families and friends, our financial and professional goals, our vacations, our love of home, and did all this with almost never a cross word between us. I learned the true meaning of unconditional love and thought that I was one of the luckiest women on the planet to have such a great guy and such a happy and successful marriage.
On November 26, 2003, we were traveling north on I-95 to visit family over Thanksgiving weekend when a drunk driver caused a horribly violent car crash. I can remember the young people that stopped to help us telling me to squeeze Lloyd's hand, that he was injured worse and they were going to try and help him first. I do remember actually squeezing his hand and telling him how much I loved him and to please hang on that I didn't think I could live without him. I know he heard me because he squeezed back.
The next thing I remember was waking up a few days later in the hospital and Lloyd's best friend leaning over my bed to tell me that my precious Lloyd hadn't survived the crash. My mind went blank. It was more than I could deal with in my critically injured state. I stayed in that frame of mind for weeks. When I was finally released from the hospital and came home to a house full of family waiting there to try and help me through my long and painful recovery I wished I hadn't survived that crash. In one instant my whole life had been taken from me. My precious, long-waited-for husband was dead and I was left behind to pick up the pieces of our shattered lives.
But somehow his love for me had survived that crash and I could still feel his faithful and dependable presence encouraging me and giving me the strength that I needed to solve all the problems that faced the next year of my life. Yes, I cried and I despaired and I wandered aimlessly through the many memories in my mind trying to imagine what could possibly left of my life that was worth living. I was terribly scarred by my injuries and have permanent nerve damage in my upper left body. I was 48 years old and alone for the first time in almost two decades.
I know this story is terribly sad but you will be relieved to know that there is a happy ending. For the past almost three years now, I have worked very hard to recover from my grief and my injuries. When I finally became well enough, I dedicated myself to getting strong and healthy, and, believe it or not, you really can survive these kinds of tragedies.
Today I feel good, really good. Although I'm still scarred and have limitations, I feel very good about my body image. I'm very proud of myself for the way I have gracefully and with determination pulled myself back together. I wake up every morning with an almost childlike excitement about what new experience or adventure my day may bring.
I can also tell you that I recently met another very sweet, sensitive and caring man. Although I don't know if our relationship will grown into a serious and committed one, I can tell you that I have absolutely no doubts that I am a beautiful, charming and accomplished woman and that this man or some other equally wonderful man will be a lasting and important part of my future, and it's all because of the unconditional love and encouragement of my precious Lloyd. I also know that he is happy for me that I have survived his death and would want nothing less for me than the best that life has to offer.
