Whether you’re already over thirty or not, ALL of us consider what the impact of aging will be on our love life.  It’s impossible to avoid.  We’re bombarded with images of lonely spinsters and unattractive maiden aunts.  We worry about losing our looks and being overlooked by men looking for younger models.  We worry about getting set in our ways and dying alone.

What’s the TRUTH about aging?  Does it really destroy our chances of finding a partner?  Or can we find happiness regardless of our romantic involvement?

If you take a snapshot of the 57 million American women over 45 years old, you’ll find that nearly half are single.  What are their lives like?  Are they happy and content, or depressed and lonely?  Are they dating, or have they sworn off men?  The AARP  set out to find the answer.

The AARP (originally known as the American Association of Retired Persons) frequently researches the issues that affect older Americans, including quality of life, financial security, sexuality, cultural perspectives on aging, even how we have fun as we age.

In September 2003, they published a report on “Lifestyles, Dating & Romance: A Study of Midlife Singles.”  The report, based on the survey results from 3,500 single Americans between the ages of 40 and 69, examines attitudes towards dating and the single life.  Its results were surprising.

For example, a full third of women surveyed were dating younger men.  The study found that as both men and women age, they preferred younger partners.  And no wonder: one of the greatest frustrations shared by both sexes was dating people with a lot of “baggage.”  Women were looking for partners with a great personality and a sense of humor, while men added the additional criteria of physical attractiveness and sexual satisfaction. 

So is counseling and plastic surgery the answer to the middle-aged man drought?  Not necessarily.  As men and women age, they become more comfortable with living alone, to the extent that one in ten single women polled were uninterested in dating.  Did they get lonely?  Sometimes.  But, as one woman pointed out, everyone is lonely sometimes; even when she was married, there were times she felt alone.  More importantly, single women tend to have strong social networks made up of friends and family that they can rely on as they age.

Being single gives older women more personal freedom and independence.  However, this freedom comes at the cost of having a “special someone” to spend time with.  As women age into their forties and fifties, the importance of companionship outweighs the drive to marry for most.  They want a companion that they can talk with and have fun with, and men feel the same way.  But for men there is an added sexual dimension: nearly a quarter of male respondents felt that the worst thing about being single was not being in a sexual relationship.

What was enormously encouraging was to see that most men and women in the study did not believe that they were dating because of the social pressure to have a partner, financial fears, self-doubt, or fear of being alone.  They simply wanted companionship, fun, and sex.

The period of time after 50 can be liberating for many women sexually as they learn to take pleasure in sex as it comes.  Although about a third of women felt that they would prefer more sex in their lives, another third felt that they were getting just the right amount.

And best of all, retirement no longer has to mean boredom and loneliness.  Many 60+ women are discovering that retirement is a chance to reinvent themselves and pursue dreams that had been laid by the wayside of family and career.  Four out of five women polled even felt that becoming older had given them the freedom to be more themselves.

So if you’re worried that growing older will mean that you’ll acquire ten cats, mumble incoherently to the neighbors, and spend your retirement years reading your way through the library, think again!  Every generation reinvents what it is to age, and as more baby boomers enter retirement, they’re forging a new sense of what aging means.  You may be dating younger men, starting a new career as an artist, or spending your retirement years on a sunny beach in Mexico.  Your golden years are what YOU make of them.

And even if you do find yourself single at the end of the road, realize that most women – even those who are married now – will be in the same boat by age 85, due to death or divorce.  But you’ll have the advantage of knowing how to live it up, date younger men, and love it.