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When I first started working at 000Relationships.com, I wondered who the women were who wrote in to thank Sarah Paul (author of "How to Be Irresistible to Men") from all over the world. Were they teenagers wanting to have greater success with boys? Were they women in their thirties getting ready to marry? Or were they like my female friends: lovely, intelligent women of all ages and ethnicities who wanted to understand their relationship with men better?
Before I came to 000Relationships.com, I finished a master's degree in writing in the UK. I'd spent my last summer there living in a flat with an English friend, Eve. Eve was a mother, university student, and recent divorcé. Mid-life, she was starting over again. Yet instead of feeling filled with fear for being on her own for the first time since she was a teenager, Eve embraced her new life. She tackled classes with the same youthful spirit she employed playing with her children. She dated, went clubbing, started the gym, and worked with the elderly in her spare time.
The sheer amount of activity in her life staggered me. I'd established a simple habit of working on my thesis, working out, and seeing friends, and that was enough for me. But Eve met men everywhere: on her routes, at clubs, on the net. Her bubbly, vivacious attitude warmed men tired of rejection on the clubbing circuit. They could always count on Eve's laughter and smile.
I learned so much that summer about men and about the power of a positive attitude. Even though Eve faced greater challenges than I did, she kept a positive outlook in public and let her joy radiate outwards even when inside she was feeling sorrowful. I knew that her divorce and being away from her children while at university was difficult for her, but she never let that be an excuse to doubt her life or the importance of what she was doing. She reached out to all of us in love and kept her anger at the divorce firmly directed at the person who was responsible for it, not at life in general.
Over the past year at 000Relationships.com, I learned that many of the women wanting more information on how to have better relationships and attract the right men were not teeny-boppers or inexperienced. They were women like Eve.
Amazing, incredible women.
Women who knew that being good at relationships is not a skill we are born with.
Women who knew that the path to excellence in anything, including relationships, is research, practice, and living the message.
These women had had long-term relationships before, and this time around they wanted to know how to do it right. They had so much love to give men, if they could only get over the shields and defenses they'd built up from previous rejections.
I have a message for all those women out there who turn to us or to other relationship experts seeking the magic key to love.
There is hope. Never ever believe there's not hope. Happiness lies ahead for you, if you can only quiet that nagging voice inside that tells you to doubt. That voice is wrong. Don't doubt. Believe in yourself. Believe in your potential for happiness.
Women have found the man of their dreams at 17, at 29, at 44 or 75. There is no age cut-off date for love.
There are so many men dreaming of love right now, just as you are dreaming of love. They want you to love them as much as you want them to love you. If you can learn to give the men in your life love right now (friends, family members, the bus driver, the postman, even strangers!), then love will be given back to you in abundance, as much as you ever dreamed of.
That's a law of the universe. What you give is what you shall receive. A person who is stingy with love (which I know you are not) will find that love rarely knocks on their door.
Have faith, hope, and love. No matter what your situation, how old you are, how much time you have, there is always a door in your heart on which love can come knocking.
Comment by Joanna
April 12, 2006 @ 6:42 am
This morning while checking my mail I found 000RELATIONSHIPS LIVE in my inbox…and almost deleted it. Good move I didn’t. The articles I read were inspiring but one had a big impact and nudged me into realizing it was time to get “me” back.
Divorced for the second time from the same man I am now 50. The first time when I was 35 I took it on the chin in some ways. Enough energy and fight in me to feel like Joan of Arc, and still had the looks that allowed me to model from 18 to 28. At 50 I am still rather attractive and look much younger than my age. This last divorce put 40#’s on me, 20 of which is gone. Skin is less resilient and gravity is the enemy. But, what I gleaned from Eve’s story is success is to be able to put the blinders on and go full speed. Don’t stop a minute to doubt yourself…. we know we are capable of amazing things. In a race where there are hurdles…the runner looks way past to the finish line. Looking at a hurdle will cause him to trip up. I am crying a bit right now, trying not to so I can see what I’m writing. I slept till noon today. Wasted one of the most beautiful sunny warm mornings. But depression can do that as anyone ever having it can attest to. Life is too precious and short and Eve’s story reminded me how full it should be while we still have it. This past weekend my neighboring town was leveled in a F3 tornado. It was the kind of tornado that hunkering down in the bathtub would do absolutely nothing to save you. Only an underground shelter would be salvation. The tornado was visible to me as we all stood in the street seeing which path it would take. Miraculously, it hovered but didn’t touch down and went the opposite direction where it took 10 lives. I sit here now knowing I am blessed to have this day and to get back to that powerhouse I was. That woman that had more men asking me out than I could handle. Strength and confidence is the most powerful aphrodisiac, yet, that is just the by-product. In the meantime by believing in yourself and not bothering to notice the hurdles allows you to live your life to the fullest and to go to bed with a feeling of accomplishment and allows you to jump up in the morning with the most grand feeling of looking forward and being excited about doing it again. Reading about Eve, although it was geared to show the reasons men are attracted to her, shook me awake. I don’t want to waste another day. Maybe in the process I will find that right guy.
Comment by Suzi
May 24, 2006 @ 1:50 am
Awesome article Amy!!! And Joanna, your thoughts were inspiring too……we are in similar situations.
I really liked so many of the things you wrote…..”there are so many men out there dreaming of love…….wanting you to love them”. And how we have all been in love and also gotten hurt. Choosing to dwell on the positive aspects of being in love instead of the pain of heartbreak or rejection is the only way to find love again. You have to be brave enough to trust someone again with your heart.
My situation is that I am 46 years young (most people think I am 36). Lost my 2nd husband to a sudden heart attack after less than two years of marriage. I’ve put my life on hold these past few years since Michael died (August 2001). I’ve been dating a wonderful man for a little over two years who was badly hurt in two divorces (last one was over five years ago). He doesnt want to be alone but he is soooo scared….and fear is like a big stop sign. He knows I want to be married again, he hasnt had feelings for anyone else since we’ve been dating, shows me he loves me but cant say the words. I dont know what to do…..it would break my heart to never see him again but hanging on for a life with him that never may be would be worse…….Suzi
Comment by Suzi
May 24, 2006 @ 2:09 am
P.S. I guess it really all does come down to faith, hope and love…….faith in yourself…….hope that someone is ‘out there’ for you……show him love every day when you find him.
Comment by saggi
May 24, 2006 @ 3:14 pm
I have been (still) married for 15 years. My hubby been seeing other young girls (mainly via chat, as the girls are overseas, did physically visited them couple of times). He says he does not want the marriage, yet he is still intimate and want to email, chat, go on holiday with me. I want to remain married but not with his current behaviour and action. He wants to be free, free to purchase a yatch.. hence he wants to split the property.
I am preparing myself… to win him back if possible.
That is the hope. I am old fashion and like married forever and ever, still cannot bear the idea of separation or the D word.
However when he sign on the dotted line, I would want to date again (daunting task) because I want to be with someone. Before this crisis, I never read about relationship, it was never on the priority list. Now I keep reading and reading and have learn so much.
Thank you to all who wrote
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