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What I (Don’t) Like About You

Sunday, June 4, 2006

posted by James

One of the things Amy promised you, our dear 000Relationships readers, is my perspective on what makes women irresistible.  It's an interesting topic, because there are so many ways for a woman to be irresistible: in physical, emotional, and sometimes just intangible ways.  Then there are the innervating ways that women can just be plain…well, RE-sistable!  So I've gone through my conversations with guys, married and unmarried, and come up with a list of female attributes we like–and hate.  I hope this gives you a better understanding of what men find irresistible, which is quite often a balanced personality and lifestyle.  Enjoy!

Attitude

LIKE:

-Men DO like nice girls…but not too nice.  By "nice", we mean someone who's easy to get along with…but also someone who RESPECTS herself.  Just like women don't like male pushovers, so males don't enjoy female pushovers, either.  It's a balance, like almost every trait.  There's always room for the "grey zone".

DON'T LIKE:

-A woman who falls into the black and white areas: a woman who's too nice, or too demanding (read: bitchy).  Extreme personalities often lead to extreme disasters.  Men like a challenge, so it's nice to have a woman who will challenge you–but all while not falling into "complete bitch" category.  Again, it all comes down to finding the middle area.

Humor

LIKE:

-A girl who loves to laugh, and can appreciate different types of humor.

NOT FUNNY!:

-A girl who doesn't laugh at ANYthing, and gives a man a nasty glare or rude comment when she doesn't enjoy his sense of humor (unless, of course, it was completely offensive).  

Careers 

LIKE:

-A girl who knows what she wants, enjoys what she does, and works hard for it, but still finds time for friends and family.  A nice, balanced life–which, admittedly, isn't always easy.

NOT GONNA "WORK" OUT!:

-A girl who knows what she wants, and gets it by shutting out all but those who can be of immediate benefit to her.  To those who AREN'T of immediate benefit, she is cold, ruthless, and generally impossible to be around.  Work comes first, you come last.

Emotions

LIKE:

-A girl who's open with her feelings, but doesn't make you feel guilty for her feeling them.

ON THE FLIP SIDE…

-A girl who's accepting of men's feelings, and doesn't make them feel like a "wuss" for having those feelings.

HATE!!!:

-A girl who's open with her feelings by screaming them, manipulating situations, and crying when she doesn't get what she wants.

ON THE FLIP SIDE…

-A girl who thinks of you as less of a man just for expressing your emotions.  Don't want a woman who will nurture her man like a little baby, but don't want one who makes him feel like he has to be someone he isn't, either.

Hobbies

LIKE: 

-A woman who supports your interests.  She may not like them personally (say, fantasy baseball, or sports in general), but doesn't try to stop you from enjoying them and making them a part of your life, either.  Generally open to the idea of doing something you love.

ON THE FLIP SIDE…

-A woman who shares her hobbies with you, but doesn't force them down your throat, either.  If she likes ballet, asks you to come with her to a show, but doesn't get upset if you don't enjoy it as much as her.

DON'T LIKE, DON'T BOTHER WITH:

–A woman who not only hates your hobbies, but won't even consider the idea of doing something you enjoy.  Even mentioning going to, say, a football game, is an attempt in vain.

ON THE FLIP SIDE…

-A woman who forces her hobbies down your throat.  Gets pissed off when you don't enjoy something as much as her.

Intelligence

LIKE:

-Balanc is crucial.  Guys don't want to feel like idiots in front of their girl, but don't want to feel like they're WITH an idiot, either.  Some women are really intelligent, others are not.  That's fine.  What men want is a woman who makes them feel good about THEIR intelligence, by having things to talk about, but not feeling stupid in doing so.

THE SMART THING TO DO IS MOVE ON!:

–A woman who is very intelligent and feels she has to prove it (which only goes to show her own weaknesses).  Breaks a man down to size for not knowing as much as her.  JUST AS BAD, a woman who makes no effort to learn about new things.  Open-mindedness, to other opinions and to new ideas, is key.

Sense of Adventure

LIKE:

-A woman in love with life, and its many possibilities.  Not afraid to try new things out, even potentially embarrassing ones–read, karaoke and dancing.

LOVE!:

-A woman who may not particularly enjoy embarrassing things such as karaoke, but is willing to do them with you because she knows life is too short. 

CAN'T FRIGGIN' STAND!:

-A woman who's afraid to try anything new at all.  Content to stay at home with her poodles and soap operas.

Money

LIKE:

–A woman who will at least offer to pay, especially if she makes a decent wage.  Also, a woman who has a purposeful occupation.

I WANT A REFUND!:

-A woman who EXPECTS men to pay for her (and not just dinner!), and refuses to spend a dime on meals and other expenses, even when she can afford it–or worse, makes more than the man!
A woman who's not willing to work, when she can, is just as bad a man who's too lazy to work.

Long-term relationships

LIKE:

-A woman who, despite wanting marriage, doesn't force it on a man.  She knows that good things come to those who wait, and if it's meant to be, he'll bring it up himself.  Quality of man counts more than quantity of engagement ring karats! 

FIND YOURSELF ANOTHER MAN!:

-A woman so desperate for marriage that you can read it on her face.  If he says he's not yet ready for a ring, she throws a tantrum and says he doesn't love her–which is ironic, because forcing him to commit is anything but love!

Appearances and Diet 

LIKE:

-A woman who is content enough in her body to not whine about it all the time (especially while not doing anything to solve the problem), but motivated enough to go to a gym and genuinely try to do something healthful about her body/diet.

NEXT!:

-A woman who pays absolutely no attention to her body and diet.  Men don't expect every women to have a super-model body, but we DO expect them to care about their health–how they look, and how they eat.

Sex

LIKE:

-A woman who is open to new things.  If she brings energy and openness to the bedroom, her body type won't really matter.

DON'T WANNA GO NEAR:

-A woman who is afraid to try anything new, and who brings a closed-minded, even disdainful approach to sex.  Makes a man feel bad for enjoying sex.

Travel

LIKE:

-For me personally, I love a girl who enjoys travelling.  But in general, guys want a girl who enjoys travelling, but doesn't force him to travel when he doesn't like it.  Encouraging him gently to explore, however, is definitely a good quality.

ADIOS!:

-A girl who's NOT open to travel at all.  If she considers Canada a distant land, something's wrong!  But on the flip side, a girl who can't stay still without having to fly somewhere, and who makes you feel guilty for not leaving with her, even when you have important things to get done, is not any better.

Trust

LIKE:

-A girl who's loyal!  Is that any surprise?  But also a girl who gives you trust, when you've shown you're worthy of it (i.e. clearly stand by her side, even when the going gets rough).

SAYONARA!:

-A girl who always thinks you're up to something, even when you're not.  In general, a girl who puts no trust in you.  (Hey, I admit, guys can be just as bad.)

Arguments

LIKE:

-A woman who is firm and doesn't fool around.  Not a bitch, but not someone you can walk all over, either.  Has respect for herself–and for you.

SHOOT ME NOW!:

-A woman who goes to the ends of the earth to prove her point.  Gets angry just for THINKING something different than her.  Generally unpleasant to be around, even with a minor squabble.

Hope you enjoyed this!  Remember, every man is different.  Some will want more of a caring, motherly type; and some men just love bitches (just check out Sheryl Argov's book, "Why Men Love Bitches!").  But all in all, I'm of the opinion that everything in life comes down to BALANCE, the shades of grey wedged between the extremes of black and white.  The successful couples I know, are well-balanced.  While either extreme may seem good on paper, it's usually the woman who's average just like him, that the average guy will go for.

See you next week!

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1 Comment

328

Comment by Smileyes

June 14, 2006 @ 7:36 pm

James…u have indeed summarized things in a very nice & simplistic manner – no rocket science involved!:) Nice to see things from a guys point of view.  And…I can’t help thinking well, those are mostly what a gal wants in HIM, too, so, guys & gals aren’t so different after all – if only they open up & share more =D Had a good laugh at some points along it, too, thinking of some people whom I know belong to a certain "what I don’t like" category (eg: some things that even other gals find irritating) but definitely some guys do get turned-on by those qualities, or they won’t be with those gals in the first place!

So I loved the last part about finding a balance: yup, it all boils down to that. So if someone doesn’t appreciate us girls for what/who we are, after some analyzing & soul-searching, move on, gals! Preserve your sanity & self-esteem – stop blaming yourself for what has gone wrong – coz the problem might indeed lie with the other party. Am not saying that we should point the "blame" finger at others, but sometimes, if that’s the fact, we can at least acknowledge it as the fact, and love ourselves for being who we are, and for being strong enough to hold on to our principles, and not join the heard of people, which I believe is in itself a weakness. Looking forward to reading more from u, James. Cheerios!

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