Thanks so much to ALL of you who've voted! Our survey has now closed.

Your comments were fantastic.  Each one of them has been taken on board, and together they've given us a vision that will guide us in the creation of future products … including our 2007 Edition of "How to Be Irresistible to Men"!

Why is dating better once you've turned thirty?

10.  You don’t have to worry about sneaking home at night and waking your parents.

One of the best things about dating when you’re in your thirties is that you are responsible for yourself.  You can stay up late, invite him to your house for a nightcap, or stay over at his house without guilt.  It’s your decision, because it’s your life.

9.  You can afford nicer restaurants than McDonald’s.

I still remember my first date.  We shared a strawberry milkshake at McDonald’s, and I was so starry-eyed with infatuation that anything would have tasted like ambrosia.  Fortunately, my dinner dates these days are much healthier and better suited to romance.

8.  You’re into something more than getting trashed on weekends.

By the time most of us reach our thirties, the novelty of getting drunk every weekend has usually worn off.  Curling up next to one another on the sofa and watching a movie can feel just as pleasurable as clubbing until dawn.

7.  You know a bit more about life and love.

One of the scariest things about dating when you’re a teenager is starting out from a state of ignorance.  We’re not born knowing how it all works.  As exciting as it feels to kiss a boy for the first time, that heady hormonal rush is tempered by anxiety.  Very few people get through their early dating years without feeling paralyzed by a horrible fear of messing up.  That’s why it’s so nice to have enough experience to be realistic about the whole process: dating can be disappointing, exciting, embarrassing, and exhilarating – sometimes all at the same time!

6.  You no longer put up with the bullshit.

By the time you reach your thirties, you’ve gained a little wisdom when it comes to relationships.  You can call a spade a spade.  You value yourself enough to say “no” to a bad situation.

5.  You can play the “Mrs. Robinson” card.

If it’s good enough for Demi Moore, it’s good enough for us!  There’s nothing more fun than being the naughty “older” woman.  You may even find that a lot of younger men are dreaming of a Mrs. Robinson to initiate them into the ways of love.

4.  Your relationship has a greater chance of lasting.

Compared with couples who marry as teenagers or in their early twenties, your relationship will stand a greater chance of lasting if you wait to marry until AT LEAST your mid-twenties.  This makes sense intuitively as well as statistically.  When you marry at an older age, you know yourself better.  You know what you can live with.  You are both more financially stable.  You’ve had enough dating experience to build some relationship skills.

3.  The sex is better.

Whereas the male sex drive peaks in his late teens, the female sex drive is only revving up.  Women hit their stride in their thirties, a period that often coincides with a greater body acceptance and a more relaxed attitude towards what happens in bed.

2.  You can see what you’re getting with him.

When you’re dating in your teens and twenties, the energy and ambition of youth makes it difficult to clearly see who your partner will actually turn out to be.  The young man who goes to Stanford for a business degree may drop out to flip burgers and play in a band.  The local jock may become the paunchy middle manager whose idea of flexing his arm muscles is lifting a beer glass.  Luckily, by the time a man reaches his thirties, his lifestyle choices will give you a good indication of where he sees himself going in life.

1.  You’ve got more going on in your life than him.

Yes, for me the best part about being 30+ is that life is so much fuller, richer, and more satisfying than ever before.  Whether you have a relationship or not, you’ve created a life that you can be proud of.  You no longer depend on a man for your sense of self-worth.  Dating is part of your life but not everything.  As a result, relationships become something wonderful to be valued when you have them, but not despaired over when you don’t.

Today we’re celebrating LOVE and our opportunity to share it with others through reviewing some of my favorite quotes about what it means to love, to lose, to make mistakes, and to grow through loving.

Age does not protect you from love, but love to some extent protects you from age.
–Jeanne Moreau

Those who love deeply never grow old; they may die of old age, but they die young.
–Sir Arthur Pinero

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
–Rumi

If you cannot love yourself, you have no chance to love another person.
–Matthew Ford

You learn to speak by speaking, to study by studying, to run by running, to work by working; and just so, you learn to love by loving. All those who think to learn in any other way deceive themselves.
–Saint Francis de Sales

We are shaped and fashioned by what we love.
–Goethe

I have found that if you love life, life will love you back.
–Arthur Rubenstein

One makes mistakes: that is life. But it is never quite a mistake to have loved.
–Romain Rolland

Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction.
–Antoine de Saint-Exupery

In real love you want the other person's good. In romantic love you want the other person.
–Margaret Anderson

Love and kindness are never wasted. They always make a difference. They bless the one who receives them, and they bless you, the giver.
–Barbara De Angelis

The love we give away is the only love we keep.
–Elbert Hubbard

We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.
–Tom Robbins

If you judge people, you have no time to love them.
–Mother Teresa

He who has never experienced hurt, cannot experience true love.
–Tristan J. Loo

Love doesn't just sit there like a stone; it has to be made, like bread, remade all the time, made new.
–Ursula K. LeGuin

Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.
–Anais Nin

Your body needs to be held and to hold, to be touched and to touch. None of these needs is to be despised, denied, or repressed. But you have to keep searching for your body's deeper need, the need for genuine love. Every time you are able to go beyond the body's superficial desires for love, you are bringing your body home and moving toward integration and unity.
–Henri Nouwen

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…
–Neil Gaiman

I love you. It's not a weight you must carry around. I love you. It's not a box that holds you in. I love you. It's not a standard you have to bear. I love you. It's not a sacrifice I make. I love you. It's not a pedestal you are frozen upon. I love you. It's not an expectation of perfection. I love you. It's not my life's whole purpose (or your's). I love you. It's not to make you change. I love you. It's not even to make you love me. I love you. It's as pure and simple as that.
–Anonymous

Whether you’re already over thirty or not, ALL of us consider what the impact of aging will be on our love life.  It’s impossible to avoid.  We’re bombarded with images of lonely spinsters and unattractive maiden aunts.  We worry about losing our looks and being overlooked by men looking for younger models.  We worry about getting set in our ways and dying alone.

What’s the TRUTH about aging?  Does it really destroy our chances of finding a partner?  Or can we find happiness regardless of our romantic involvement?

If you take a snapshot of the 57 million American women over 45 years old, you’ll find that nearly half are single.  What are their lives like?  Are they happy and content, or depressed and lonely?  Are they dating, or have they sworn off men?  The AARP  set out to find the answer.

The AARP (originally known as the American Association of Retired Persons) frequently researches the issues that affect older Americans, including quality of life, financial security, sexuality, cultural perspectives on aging, even how we have fun as we age.

In September 2003, they published a report on “Lifestyles, Dating & Romance: A Study of Midlife Singles.”  The report, based on the survey results from 3,500 single Americans between the ages of 40 and 69, examines attitudes towards dating and the single life.  Its results were surprising.

For example, a full third of women surveyed were dating younger men.  The study found that as both men and women age, they preferred younger partners.  And no wonder: one of the greatest frustrations shared by both sexes was dating people with a lot of “baggage.”  Women were looking for partners with a great personality and a sense of humor, while men added the additional criteria of physical attractiveness and sexual satisfaction. 

So is counseling and plastic surgery the answer to the middle-aged man drought?  Not necessarily.  As men and women age, they become more comfortable with living alone, to the extent that one in ten single women polled were uninterested in dating.  Did they get lonely?  Sometimes.  But, as one woman pointed out, everyone is lonely sometimes; even when she was married, there were times she felt alone.  More importantly, single women tend to have strong social networks made up of friends and family that they can rely on as they age.

Being single gives older women more personal freedom and independence.  However, this freedom comes at the cost of having a “special someone” to spend time with.  As women age into their forties and fifties, the importance of companionship outweighs the drive to marry for most.  They want a companion that they can talk with and have fun with, and men feel the same way.  But for men there is an added sexual dimension: nearly a quarter of male respondents felt that the worst thing about being single was not being in a sexual relationship.

What was enormously encouraging was to see that most men and women in the study did not believe that they were dating because of the social pressure to have a partner, financial fears, self-doubt, or fear of being alone.  They simply wanted companionship, fun, and sex.

The period of time after 50 can be liberating for many women sexually as they learn to take pleasure in sex as it comes.  Although about a third of women felt that they would prefer more sex in their lives, another third felt that they were getting just the right amount.

And best of all, retirement no longer has to mean boredom and loneliness.  Many 60+ women are discovering that retirement is a chance to reinvent themselves and pursue dreams that had been laid by the wayside of family and career.  Four out of five women polled even felt that becoming older had given them the freedom to be more themselves.

So if you’re worried that growing older will mean that you’ll acquire ten cats, mumble incoherently to the neighbors, and spend your retirement years reading your way through the library, think again!  Every generation reinvents what it is to age, and as more baby boomers enter retirement, they’re forging a new sense of what aging means.  You may be dating younger men, starting a new career as an artist, or spending your retirement years on a sunny beach in Mexico.  Your golden years are what YOU make of them.

And even if you do find yourself single at the end of the road, realize that most women – even those who are married now – will be in the same boat by age 85, due to death or divorce.  But you’ll have the advantage of knowing how to live it up, date younger men, and love it.

Do you feel tired all the time?

Do you feel like you never have enough time to sit down, let alone enjoy a few minutes to yourself?

Do you catch yourself looking frazzled and worn out? 

Do you wish you could just shut the door and close the world out so that you'd have a moment's peace? 

If you answered "yes" to any of the above questions, then you may be compromising your attractiveness without realizing it!

No one ever says, "She's so pretty when she's stressed out."

Running around like a crazy person, not having any time to socialize, and always feeling like you're at the end of your rope are not qualities that attract romance.  They're qualities that scream, "This woman doesn't have time for a relationship!"

But the curse of modern life is that we do get busy, stressed out, frazzled, and have no time whatsoever.  Our eyes become bleary from lack of sleep, worry lines etch our foreheads, and our bodies slouch from exhaustion.

Taking time for yourself isn't just important to stay physically healthy: it's important to stay emotionally healthy as well.  When you're tired and stressed, you end up snapping at those you love, glowering when everyone else is smiling, and avoiding social activities that add another layer of pressure to your already-hectic life.

That's why I think it's so important to spend some time asking ourselves how we can feel healthy, vibrant, and alive.

• When was the last time that you felt absolutely amazing?
• What do you think was the reason(s) that you felt so great?
• How long did it last?
• Do you think it's possible to feel that way all the time? 
• What would it be worth it to you to have more energy, more time, and more joy?

If you're serious about your quest to feel fantastic (not just "good enough") all the time, then you're ready to meet Heather Picken.

Heather Picken is a motivational coach, certified personal trainer, nutritionist and metabolic specialist who has made it her goal to help women feel absolutely amazing through her company, "I FEEL Like a Million Bucks! " She believes in empowering women to achieve higher energy levels, a more positive outlook, greater happiness, and greater success in all areas of their lives.

For Heather, one of the most important areas that we can make a difference in is our personal health.  When we experience stress in our lives, many of us turn to food and unhealthy behaviors like sleeping too little, drinking too much, and not exercising to get us through.

Yet instead of giving us more energy, those behaviors actually drain our energy and make us feel lethargic, unhappy, and negative about ourselves and our appearance. 

That's why Heather designed her 6-Week Ultimate Fat-Burning & Instant Motivational System for Women over 30.  It's a weight-loss program containing 6 CDs and a 63-page manual, targeted for women over 30 who want to lose fat and feel great.  She designed the program for this age group because, she says, "I find as women get older they feel they have no control over their bodies."  This feeling makes many women feel less confident when it comes to pursuing their other goals, such as having a relationship.  Worst of all, those very behaviors that keep us overweight also sap us of energy. 

Heather believes that the response that most of us take to weight loss – a diet – actually hurts us more than it helps us.  If our goal is to feel fantastic, then we need to make long-term changes to how we take care of our bodies.  We need to energize our bodies, not starve them.

Heather explains that her program…

…is based on my 10 years of experience with working specifically with women to get them results that are PERMANENT. This program is very unique as it is NOT A DIET!  It is a system that works to lose fat and inches and will change the way women think and feel about food. 

Learn more about Heather by visiting her website:

http://www.000relationships.com/feelinglikeamillion

It’s finally here!

I walked into the office this morning and saw a big cardboard box on the floor.  Not recognizing the return address, I ripped it open and discovered…

…that the first copies of our newest DVD release, "Secrets to Creating Love for Women over 30," have arrived!  We have been eagerly awaiting these DVDs from the printers and now we have them to offer to you.

This gorgeous 3-DVD set plus CD ROM contains top-secret information for women who are embracing dating into their 30s, 40s, 50s, and beyond.

SO IS THIS DVD SERIES FOR YOU?

• Are you just plain discouraged, thinking that you’re never going to meet a man worth your time?
• Are you stuck in the same old rut and want to break the habit of meeting the same old guys in the same old places?
• Are you tired of relationships where you’re the one doing all the giving and never getting what you need?
• Do you wish your family and friends would stop nagging you about settling down with Mr. Right?
• Do you worry that you’re scaring off men because you’re too honest/independent/ready to settle down?

If you answered "YES" to any of these questions, then you’re ready for "Secrets to Creating Love for Women over 30"!

HOW IS THIS DVD SERIES DIFFERENT?

So how is this DVD series unique?

Unlike other courses out there, our DVD series starts with a completely different assumption: that you’re past the stage where you need to be told what to wear and what to say and how many days to wait before accepting a date.

In our course, we focus on mature relationships for those who are emotionally evolved.

I don’t need to tell you that there’s a big difference between an 18-year-old and a 40-year-old.  But what you may not realize is that if you are using techniques that are designed for 18-year-olds, you’ll find that you attract men with the minds of 18-year-olds.  (Discover why in "How to Be Irresistible to Men"!)

Lip gloss and boob tubes simply won’t do it when it comes to creating a conscious, committed, and loving relationship.

What you need is a course that specifically addresses your challenges as a woman who is mature, experienced, and more discriminating when it comes to men.

If you…

• …have spent your twenties building a career…
• …have left a long-term relationship and feel like a duck out of water in the singles scene…
• …have children…
• …have emotional baggage that is preventing you from moving forward…
• …are in an unfulfilling relationship and want to know whether you should stay or what you could do to make it better…
• …or simply do not understand why it hasn’t happened for you yet…

…then "Secrets to Creating Love for Women over 30" is the course that you cannot miss!!  It’s packed full of mind-blowing insights and crucial tips for the women who knows that manicures and makeovers are just temporary solutions to the long-term aspiration of sharing real love.

WHY DID WE CREATE "SECETS TO CREATING LOVE"?

We couldn’t have created this DVD series if it weren’t for you, our valued customers and newsletter subscribers!

You wrote to us saying that you wanted information specific to your situation.

You wanted insights that reflected where you were as women who had been married before, or were dating older men, or felt like you were competing with younger women.

There are plenty of online dating sites for over 30s, but very little dating advice for the particular challenges women face as they mature.  In fact, some books suggested that as women enter their 40s, their greater experience, self-knowledge, and confidence makes dating liberating, easy, and tons of fun!

Is dating easier as you get older?  For some women, this may be true.  But for others, the process of dating becomes more and more discouraging.  There are fewer single men, and the single men that these women do meet seem to be that way for a reason.  Work commitment, financial pressures, and family compete for time.  The socializing opportunities available for the younger crowd are no longer available.

Luckily, something happened to change our minds about the dating opportunities available for women over 30.  We met someone who would change our lives forever.

I co-hosted a seminar last December with Sarah Paul on "Advanced Dating Techniques for Women," and one of our guest speakers was a motivational speaker and success coach.  Sue co-presented discussions on "Healthy Relationships" and "Achieving Ultimate Self-Confidence" with clinical psychologist Richard Wheeler.  (And if you’re already purchased "How to Be Irresistible to Men," you will get these videos free with your membership! They’re in the Events Section of the Members Area.)

Meeting Sue was a watershed that not only changed the direction of our research but also ourselves personally.  The insights she shared with us transformed our understanding of what was possible for ourselves and our course.

And now we’re going to share that information with you!

One of the reasons that our message is so powerful is that we do not believe that success is a matter of luck.  If you’re waiting for luck to bring you the right man, or if you’re waiting for a miracle to happen, then you’ll keep waiting forever.

Don’t get caught settling for a ho-hum relationship because you don’t think anything better is possible for you.  Use our advice to learn what you can create in your lifetime.  We’ll show you how to take charge of your love life and start creating the relationship you always dreamed about today.

SAMPLE THE SECRETS!

"Secrets to Creating Love for Women over 30" co-stars myself and colleague Andrew Rusbatch from Save My Marriage Today!  We discuss what we’ve learned in our years as experts in the field: the particular challenges that women over 30 face in finding relationships – and how to overcome them, how to understand elite men (the kind who’ll be a real catch), how to know if a man’s right for you, and how to attract real, lasting love into your life no matter how many broken relationships you’ve had in the past.

Here’s a sample of the secrets you’ll find in our DVD series:

• Think you’re going to be single forever?  You cannot miss this secret for breaking a man drought and inviting a flood of men into your life!
• Stuck in the same old rut?  We tell you what’s keeping you there and how to kickstart real, long-lasting transformation!
• Sick and tired of being passed over for younger women? We share with you this secret to youthful attractiveness without plastic surgery.  Once you master it, men will think you’re decades younger!
• Feel like every time you confess your feelings to a man, he runs away?  We teach you how to avoid scaring men off without having to censor everything you say!
• Feel like you’re the one always giving too much in a relationship?  We give you a technique to make sure that you always give the right amount in a relationship and avoid getting taken advantage of.
• Tired of the poor-quality men you’ve been dating?  We show you what goes on inside the minds of highly successful alpha males, and how you can be the woman they can’t live without.
• Hear your biological clock ticking loud and clear?  Learn how you can achieve your goal of a partner and family within your desired time frame – without scaring men off!
• Wish that your family and friends would stop nagging you about finding a man? Get a fresh perspective that will help you turn off their voices once and for all!
• Have you been hurt by men in the past?  Discover what it takes to keep negative past experiences back where they belong and stop them from influencing your future!
• Having a hard time getting what you need out of relationships?  We show you how to make sure that you get enough out of your relationships.  This will also help you decide whether a man is right for you!
• Want to understand men?  These insights into the modern male psyche are worth the price of the entire course!  Understand his challenges and exactly what he wants from a woman.
• Unclear about the "new" rules of dating?  We explain what you personally can bring to a relationship that no one else can.  The days of a man and a woman having specific gender roles in a relationship may be over, but we teach you how you can use your unique gifts to keep that zing alive in your relationship!
• Love a man but can’t seem to get through to him?  Maybe you’re not speaking his "language"!  We teach you how to get all the love you want and give it to your man in a way he understands.
• Blaming yourself for how your relationships ended?  We’ll share with you the secret of breaking the habit of unhappy relationships and getting rid of the guilt for good.
• What’s your love purpose?  Find out here!
• Fed up with guys who love you only as long as you’re the "perfect" girlfriend or "perfect" partner?  We teach you the secret to getting unconditional love from a man.
• Fed up with men who are completely incompatible?  We share with you the secret to attracting men who fit into your life and stay that way.

TELL ME MORE!  WHEN CAN I BUY "SECRETS TO CREATING LOVE"?

This 3-hour DVD series is now on sale.   It is only available as a 3-DVD pack plus CD ROM, which we’ll ship straight to your door.  It makes the perfect gift for yourself this holiday season.

Don’t get discouraged.  Be inspired!  Discover the secrets of creating love whether you’re in your 30s, 40s, 50s, or beyond.  

I’ll be in touch soon! 

Many of us have no clue what a man wants in a relationship.  If we're cynical, we may think he just wants sex, someone to keep him from feeling alone, or the status of having a girlfriend.  If we're romantic, we may think that he wants love, a life companion, and a mother for his children.

And if we look into our own hearts, into the many complex reasons we want a man in our lives, we often find a little bit of all of the above.  The proportions may be different, but none of us can deny that the benefits of a relationship include companionship, intimacy, a change in status from "single" to "couple," love, partnership, and a shared future.

But what most of us don't know is how important relationships actually are for men.  According to the National Marriage Project (supported by Rutgers University), marriage transforms men's lives in positive, healthy ways.  Married men are more productive, earn more money, get sick less, think more about the future, are happier, and even have better sex lives.  According to sociologist Steven Nock, marriage is also a rite of passage from boy to man.

The National Marriage Project 2004 study on "The Marrying Kind: Which Men Marry and Why" reveals that the type of man most likely to look forward to a future of marital bliss is religious, has grown up in a family with both parents, and feels it's time to settle down.  Surprisingly, most men (more than two out of three) do not believe that the purpose of marriage is having children.

Most of these men are married for the first time by the time they're thirty.  Which brings us to the second group that the study examined: the non-marrying kind (22% of those surveyed).  These are men who believe that marriage is not for them: they are significantly more likely to distrust women, fear losing their personal freedom, focus on the high divorce rate and bad marriages, and not want children.  The study suggests that the notion of the thirty-something bachelor who's finally getting ready to settle down after sowing his wild oats is, in fact, a myth.  Many thirty-something single men are undecided or even opposed to the idea of getting married anytime soon.

Therefore, if you're seeking a partner with long-term potential, here are 3 things you should look out for:

1. He speaks positively of marriage or other people's marriages.   If, on the other hand, he often predicts that a trouble marriage will end in divorce or points out the disadvantages and troubles in other people's marriages, then he may not hold a positive enough belief in marriage to want to make that commitment himself.
2. He trusts women in general.  Men who've had positive, healthy relationships with other women (such as his mother, sisters, female friends, co-workers) have often developed the skills needed to build and maintain a relationship with a partner.  These men have a greater understanding of women, or at least have come to peace with gender differences, and are less likely to see women as the enemy.
3. He's passed the stage in life where "fun and freedom" were his main focus.  Even though most men will admit that their freedom is important to them, a man who's settling into the stage in his life where he can think about marriage will find that other goals appeal to him.  He may think more about finding a soulmate.  He may be more interested in building something lasting, such as a career, a house, or public service.  If, on the other hand, he often jokes about the "ball and chain" of marriage and urges friends to treasure their freedom above a woman, he may not be the marrying kind.

To learn more about how you can attract the right kind of man for lasting love, click here and discover "How to Be Irresistible to Men," the ultimate guide for attracting your soulmate.  Stop wasting your time with men who aren't worth it.  Discover how to tell when a relationship is right for you.  You'll be amazed at the quality of men you'll attract.  Get it now at:

http://www.000Relationships.com/tomen/ 

Do you think that you're too old for a man to give you a second glance?  Is life wearing you out?  Do you look at yourself in a mirror and only see the wrinkles, the cellulite, the wide hips?

The person you see in the mirror is the self you transmit to the world.

Our attitudes about ourselves are self-fulfilling prophecies.  No matter what the origin – childhood mockery, a parent's well-meaning criticism, a boyfriend's angry dismissal – these attitudes about ourselves are still our choice.  We choose to remember what was said to us or how we looked as teens.  Yet if you took the time to examine those self-beliefs, many of them would no longer be valid.

I can't count how many celebrity interviews I've read where the celeb talks about how he or she was made fun of in school for his or her looks.  Models were mocked for being tall and skinny.  Actresses were tomboys or struggled with losing baby fat.  Our appearance is always changing, and how we look today will not be how we look tomorrow.

Luckily, we have an enormous amount of control over who we see in the mirror.  Remember that what matters is not what's there but what you see.

Here are my top three tips to see a beautiful, sensual, seductive woman looking back at you.

1. Take the time to look in the mirror and love your face.  Look into your eyes and love the wisdom in there.  Love the body that bears the mark of all your experiences.  If there's part of your body that you're embarrassed about or hate, pour extra love into that part.  Love it until the sight of it pleases you, until you accept it and cherish it as part of yourself.
2. Wear garments that feel silky against your skin.  Sweaters so soft you want to rub your cheeks against them.  Lovely nighties that cling to your curves.  You'll find that when you wear clothes that feel sensual and good against your skin, you feel more sexy.  One of the worst things we do to ourselves is wear tight clothes that compress our body such that it's difficult to breathe or move.  Stop asking yourself whether a garment looks "sexy" in the mirror and start asking yourself whether it feels sensual to wear.
3. Spend at least fifteen minutes every day pampering yourself.  No, I'm not talking about your nightly facial or plucking those stray hairs.  I'm talking about silly, unnecessary things like painting your toenails, using the expensive bubble bath just because, or dressing up for an evening in. 

If practiced diligently, these tips will chip away at the perception of yourself as someone unattractive, dowdy, or plain.  You'll reawaken the feeling of being beautiful and sensual without needing a man to tell you it.

And best of all, you'll find that the wonderful feelings you've awakened about yourself are reflected in how others see you.  Friends will ask you your secret.  Compliments will pour in your direction.

Your sense of beauty will have become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Well, while Amy is away this week she asked me to do this week's post. I'm Andrew Rusbatch and I am the co-author of Save My Marriage Today and regular blogger on www.savemymarriagetoday.com/live. I have worked alongside Amy in dealing with relationship issues for a number of years. Many of you will know me as the guy in the How To Be Irresistible To Men video course, and if you flick up to the "About" tab at the top of the page, you will see a picture of me doing my best to smile and look sexy!

So when I was thinking about something interesting to write, one that came into my mind was thoughts about cohabitation and what sort of effect this has on relationships. Looking at the figures, around 4.9 million adult couples of the opposite sex live together unmarried. Compare this to around 400 000 couples 45 years ago, and we see a social trend that some social scientists believe is going to have significant effects on future marital disruption and spending habits of a major sector in our society. Heady stuff huh?

Let's be honest though, cohabitation is not something new to most people nowadays, though attitudes both for and against cohabitation are still quite strong. Moral rights campaigners indicate it is part of a slippery slope toward a new breed of society with scant regard to commitment, while others say it is a responsible trial-run for marriage, without the associated cost of divorce and asset separation. Is he, or isn't he, the-one?

I like to think of cohabitation as one of the many necessary steps in a relationship, and liken it to marriage with trainer-wheels. The belief that living together before marriage is a useful way to find out whether you are really compatible and avoid a bad marriage or costly divorce is now widespread among most young people. But it still has the capacity to teach us something…

I thought I knew a lot about my partner until I shifted in with them, and I understand they thought the same about me. Gee, was I in for a shock! I have lived with a couple of partners, the first being when I was around 21 years old. I rather foolishly assumed that being a girl she would have the same careful attention to detail around the home that my four older sisters did. I knew how to cook and clean, and there was nothing around the home that I did not know how to do. Living with a partner at that time really opened my eyes to how some people live, and I was horrified at the time to discover how different we really were. After living together for some time we both discovered that we were incompatible, and we parted company soon after. I called it my awakening, when I finally realized how different some of us can be from others. In that relationship a lot of long-held beliefs were shattered. However, I learnt a very valuable lesson.

When you don't live together, your partner only sees the side of you that you want them to see. They don't get to see you when you are grumpy, tired, sick, or your gross habits. I know, you will all say something here, but everyone has at least one gross habit, even if it is something as simple as leaving your long hair to block the sink or not rinsing the shower out after you have shaved your legs. Sometimes the smallest things can drive home the reality that your partner is not perfect and is a person like the rest of us after all.

So if you know so little about your partner, how can you possibly make a considered decision to spend the rest of your life together? Perhaps that's where cohabitation has a role to play.

They say falling in love with someone is a leap of faith. Depending on how well you know your love will determine how far this leap is. So is cohabitation a way of minimizing the risk of divorce, or is it seen as a cheap and easy alternative to marriage?

Well you need to start by going into it with your eyes wide open. Before shifting in with a man, consider why you are doing it. Is it because you want it, is it because it will make it more convenient, or is it the all-crucial "moving it to the next level"? Is this really marriage with trainer wheels? 

Women will analyze a situation and examine possible interpretations of what this move may mean and what implications this is going to have on the state of the relationship, both now and in the future. Most guys simply see it as somewhere pretty to stick your stuff and to be nurtured and don't think too much into the future.

So the question then comes, when is an appropriate time in a relationship for each of you to shed your independence and singledom and entertain the idea of cohabitation? 6 days into the relationship? 6 weeks? 6 months? 6 years even?

And do you think it leads to a stronger marriage?

One of the crazy things I have to do in this job to keep on top of the latest dating and relationship trends is to read books written by guys on how to seduce women.

As you can imagine, it's a real eye-opener!

It's so easy to forget that as much as we want to find that perfect guy and feel hopelessly incompetent at attracting cute men, there are just as many guys out there who feel hopelessly incompetent at approaching a woman they're attracted to and asking her out.

That's why one of my biggest pieces of advice to women is be approachable!  Make it easy for guys to catch your eye, exchange smiles, and make small talk with you.  You'll discover that what you once thought was a barren landscape without a single available guy has become a sea of men ready and willing to spend time with you.

But that's not the focus of today's article.  Instead, what I want to talk about is a concept called "Oneitis."

Oneitis is a concept developed by the men's seduction community to describe "an obsession with a girl whom one is not dating; pickup artists believe that such an extreme fixation on one woman significantly lowers a man's chances of dating or sleeping with her." (The Game p.444).  That definition, by the way, comes from one of the most respected pickup artists in the world: Neil Strauss, New York Times bestselling author and journalist for Rolling Stones magazine.  His book The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists is the gold standard for information about the seduction community, its history, its lingo, and its key players.

The idea is that when a man is fixed on learning seduction techniques to attract one particular girl because he worships the ground she walks on, he will inevitably fail, because she will sense his desperation-tinged adoration.  There's nothing less attractive than a man who acts like a puppy dog, following you everywhere and leaping to do whatever he thinks will please you.

Once a man realizes that he has oneitis, he can shake off his infatuation by focusing his efforts on dating other women.  Although he may kid himself at first that he is practicing flirting to hone his skills for "the One," he often finds in the process that the other women he's seeing have much to offer him.  He starts enjoying himself and feeling more comfortable interacting with women.  Soon, his preoccupation with "the One" is revealed for exactly what it is: an immature infatuation with a woman who in all likelihood isn't the best match for him.  Although he still may enjoy her company, he won't live or die based on her acceptance or rejection of him.  Strangely enough, this often triggers a turning point in their relationship: she will find him more interesting and attractive when his self-esteem is independent of her opinion of him.

Although this concept has been developed particularly for the male seduction community (see UrbanDictionary.com's definition of oneitis for a more crude description of the term), it is interesting to consider whether it has any relevance to us women.

In my last article on "Stop Him from Cheating," Kate wrote a comment where she said:

"'You deserve someone who’s into you.' – yeah great idea – but what if he is the only man you are interested in? You just dump him and move on? … I am not interested in just any guy. If he’s just not that into you I would like to know what to do so that he is into me. Chances are if he isn’t other guys aren’t into you either."

Being keenly interested in a man, to the point that you won't even look at other men because you're so certain that he's the one for you, certainly sounds like oneitis.

But doesn't labeling it as a "social disease" make a mockery of our very real feelings of attraction?  Whereas men might be able to say that the cure for being obsessed with one particular girl is sleeping with ten others, most women aren't made that way.  We usually fall in love with one man at a time.  We have the right to be interested in one particular man and want to know how to make him feel the same way … don't we?

I went to seduction expert James Brito to ask how oneitis might apply to women.  His answer was simple. 

"If you're determined to get him, worrying night and day whether you're going to lose him, and obsessing over him, HE'S NOT THE ONE!"

Having an extreme case of oneitis is in itself proof that any relationship based on such an unequal distribution of attraction will be fatally flawed.  If you like him a LOT more than he likes you, then you'll have more invested in the relationship than he will.  You may find yourself changing yourself, giving up your own interests, and allowing him to control the relationship because you don't want him to leave.  That's a recipe for disaster.

It's healthy to start out a relationship with a neutral caution.  Avoid giving into your feelings of infatuation, adoration, and love for the first few months.  Allow yourself to get to know him better.  See what it feels like to actually be together.  Ask yourself at each stage how you feel in the relationship.  Don't allow your admiration of his personal qualities to override the more important question, which is how you both interact as a couple.

Easier said than done, I know.  It's so much fun to fall head over heels for a guy.  It's so hard to step back from how wonderful he is as a person to see how wonderful or not we are as a couple.

But remember your goal in the first stages of dating: it's to evaluate your relationship potential.  It's not to confess your undying love.  Leave that for once you're already in an established relationship moving towards greater intimacy and commitment.

And that, I think, is the sound principle behind the concept of oneitis.  The purpose of dating isn't to find the "perfect" man; it's to find the perfect combination made up of two human beings in relationship.