Many of us have no clue what a man wants in a relationship.  If we're cynical, we may think he just wants sex, someone to keep him from feeling alone, or the status of having a girlfriend.  If we're romantic, we may think that he wants love, a life companion, and a mother for his children.

And if we look into our own hearts, into the many complex reasons we want a man in our lives, we often find a little bit of all of the above.  The proportions may be different, but none of us can deny that the benefits of a relationship include companionship, intimacy, a change in status from "single" to "couple," love, partnership, and a shared future.

But what most of us don't know is how important relationships actually are for men.  According to the National Marriage Project (supported by Rutgers University), marriage transforms men's lives in positive, healthy ways.  Married men are more productive, earn more money, get sick less, think more about the future, are happier, and even have better sex lives.  According to sociologist Steven Nock, marriage is also a rite of passage from boy to man.

The National Marriage Project 2004 study on "The Marrying Kind: Which Men Marry and Why" reveals that the type of man most likely to look forward to a future of marital bliss is religious, has grown up in a family with both parents, and feels it's time to settle down.  Surprisingly, most men (more than two out of three) do not believe that the purpose of marriage is having children.

Most of these men are married for the first time by the time they're thirty.  Which brings us to the second group that the study examined: the non-marrying kind (22% of those surveyed).  These are men who believe that marriage is not for them: they are significantly more likely to distrust women, fear losing their personal freedom, focus on the high divorce rate and bad marriages, and not want children.  The study suggests that the notion of the thirty-something bachelor who's finally getting ready to settle down after sowing his wild oats is, in fact, a myth.  Many thirty-something single men are undecided or even opposed to the idea of getting married anytime soon.

Therefore, if you're seeking a partner with long-term potential, here are 3 things you should look out for:

1. He speaks positively of marriage or other people's marriages.   If, on the other hand, he often predicts that a trouble marriage will end in divorce or points out the disadvantages and troubles in other people's marriages, then he may not hold a positive enough belief in marriage to want to make that commitment himself.
2. He trusts women in general.  Men who've had positive, healthy relationships with other women (such as his mother, sisters, female friends, co-workers) have often developed the skills needed to build and maintain a relationship with a partner.  These men have a greater understanding of women, or at least have come to peace with gender differences, and are less likely to see women as the enemy.
3. He's passed the stage in life where "fun and freedom" were his main focus.  Even though most men will admit that their freedom is important to them, a man who's settling into the stage in his life where he can think about marriage will find that other goals appeal to him.  He may think more about finding a soulmate.  He may be more interested in building something lasting, such as a career, a house, or public service.  If, on the other hand, he often jokes about the "ball and chain" of marriage and urges friends to treasure their freedom above a woman, he may not be the marrying kind.

To learn more about how you can attract the right kind of man for lasting love, click here and discover "How to Be Irresistible to Men," the ultimate guide for attracting your soulmate.  Stop wasting your time with men who aren't worth it.  Discover how to tell when a relationship is right for you.  You'll be amazed at the quality of men you'll attract.  Get it now at:

http://www.000Relationships.com/tomen/ 

The third place winner in the Readers Story competition gives us a timely message about just how much abuse we should put up with in relationships, and encourages us to value ourselves more.

"Bad Boy Meets Dangerous"

by Auriel Wiccan

It basically begins when I was going through my rebellious years, the years of trying new things, having boyfriends that never lasted, going to parties and basically doing everything you shouldn’t!

I had just finished a brilliant summer of friendship, heartache, new loves and another year at school had passed, making me that bit smarter in every area.  I went out with a couple of guys, nothing serious.  But like any person, I wanted and needed companionship.  Trouble is, like too many others, unfortunately we go for the wrong types again and again, except the one I chose was far more dangerous.

Young girls with little experience, even those of great maturity, often feel that bad boy allure, and I was captivated by it so many times. I wish I hadn’t been one of the worse case scenarios, but it turns out I narrowly escaped being one.

I started seeing this guy whom I had briefly met through other guys that had been hanging around with us in the summer.  I didn’t know his past history with women or himself as I had not really talked to him.  (I didn’t even want to go out with him.  It’s ironic, I got nagged so much by him and his friends I ended up with him, sorry to say.)

I noticed after the first few weeks that he or his closest friends weren’t your “usual” bad boys.  There was something more dangerous and complicated going on in the background, but we never got to see what, as it was always masked from us.  However, I knew from the first few weeks of seeing him that he and his friends took drugs now and then (I naively thought at the time) and I didn't mind but was afraid in case my suspicions of any heavy drugs being used was clarified.

I would go up to his room when he and his friends would go out and they would tell us to stay down in the lounge but we would go up and look around.  One time when I was alone I looked around for drugs, as I had became more and more scared of the growing personality traits and changes to existing ones.  He was starting to act like a very angry person.  There were many more other signs, too, but I had to know.  He was very, very sneaky about his drug use, as drug users are, I later found out.

I ended up finding two sets of needles behind a picture in his wall which was being done up and was at the time just plasterboard.  A rush of adrenaline came over me. I was infused with various emotions at once.  It hit me like thunder … my boyfriend’s a heroin addict.

I totally freaked out. I thought, “Oh no!”  My heart sank.  I had already developed feelings for him and cared about him very much by the time all of the truth came out about what he had been doing….

I later would find spoons and other such paraphernalia in the weirdest of places and done in the sneakiest ways to avoid detection…

I was in a situation that was spiraling out of control.  I felt helpless.  I didn’t go to my parents, as I was afraid and ashamed.  I wish I had.

I’ve told myself that so many times as things could have been so different.  So much time has been wasted in my life due to this one relationship.  I hope one of you reads this that’s in a similar situation and gets help straight away as it will not get better.  He will not change, but you can get out while you still can.

I was lucky to get out.

After about a year, he started getting violent.  I was getting beatings for the most trivial things or things thrown at me or kicked or shoved.  He was drinking profusely and acted like an animal most of the time I saw him.  He was wasted and out of control, with no respect for me or anyone around me, including my family, who were subsequently threatened if I told them anything about his using or violence, which he would deny anyway.

I remember so many bad events in which things were broken, torn, ripped, even once locking myself in bathrooms which he punched holes in to get away from him, in my house which I tried to cover up.  And, of course, due to the amount and the extent of his punches on my head, I have a lot of memory loss from this relationship.  Things will pop up that I hadn’t even recalled happening and also because I have repressed it, my tender young mind probably too young and fragile to be overloaded with all these anxieties.

After you become involved in one lie with this type of thing, it grows and becomes 100.  It’s better to get away and tell the truth and what’s happened from the start.  There’s no point making up excuses for their behavior in the hope you might end back with them as you won’t, as they won’t change, only you can and only you can LEARN FROM IT and CHANGE IT and I SINCERELEY HOPE YOU DO….

I always get asked the same question, and you will be able to relate if you’re going through or have with any of this: “WHY DID YOU STAY WITH HIM IF HE TREATED YOU LIKE THAT?”

Well, for those of you that have been there, you know what I do.  For those that haven’t, the answer is different for everyone but more or less the same in a round-about way: it’s simply not that easy!  You still love the person, you want him to get better and basically imagine he will, you want to see the good side of him and the good things he’s done and not the bad, but sadly at the end of it all you intuitively know, it’s over.

And that’s where it should have been a long time ago.  He’s not meant for you and you weren’t put on this earth to be treated like garbage by ANYONE.  PLEASE REMEMBER YOU’RE WORTH MORE IN ANY SITUATION.

If I can go through this at such a young age, then you can too!  We have a cycle of life to play out, and sometimes we have to be put through horrible things in order for us to learn.  If we learn, we have knowledge.  Knowledge is power.  Power leads to attainment, attainment to enlightenment.  Everyone has it in them to fulfill anything they want and overcome the worst things, as we are not just physical: we are spiritual, intuitive beings and have a lot more in us, around us and going for us than we know.

Until the time comes for you to use this, you will not understand, but there will come a time when you have to open up and use one of the things you were born with naturally.  Then you will see that you are so much more than what you see when you look in the mirror and so much stronger, too!

Blessings all and I hope you will take from this something, anything as long as it helps you.  Don’t let any problem in a relationship fester, as it will eventually erupt one way or another like a volcano.

[Submission has been edited for brevity.]