Whenever I write emails, I love to glance at the ads that appear to the right of my messages.  Gmail tries to tailor the ads to the message, and some of its choices can be absolutely hilarious.  For example, a friend's message to arrange for a coffee date resulted in an ad for "Thai Wrap Around Pants." 

This morning, one ad caught my eye.  It was for Love Tactics.  Always keen to learn more about love, I clicked on the ad to check out the website.

At first glance, www.lovetactics.com looked fascinating, a multimedia spin on dating and relationships advice.  A virtual host, played by game show host Chuck Woolery, leads you through dating and advice tips.

The Love Tactics system is based on Four Behavioral Principles, among which are #2 -"People are most attracted to those who exhibit some degree of aloofness and emotional independence" and #3 – "People want what they can't have."

Once upon a time, I would have thought, "Oh, that's probably true," and kept on reading.  Now, red warning sirens went off in my brain.

This has nothing to do with love.

It has everything to do with game-playing.

I listened to one of the sample lessons on Love Tactic #37: "Create Competition."  It's the technique that every teenager has put to use: make sure that your boyfriend knows that other guys are hot on your tracks, and he'll do everything in his power to make sure that you remain his possession.

That sounds just great, I thought.  The kind of guy who'll respond best to that tactic is a naturally jealous one.

I don't want to have to think that the only reason my guy is staying with me is because he sees the competition and wants to be the one with the status of "owning" me.

I've been the trophy girlfriend before, and it was an uncomfortable experience.  I didn't know whether he was with me because he enjoyed my company or because being seen with me boosted his self-esteem.

When you play aloof and hard to get, you present yourself as a trophy to be awarded to the guy who plays the courtship game the best.  Men are naturally competitive; they love boasting about being the guy who got the girl.

But have you seen what happens to trophies after they're won?  They're lovingly polished for the first few weeks, shown to friends and family, boasted about … and ultimately they end up in a box in the closet, jumbled with other faded ribbons and medals.

I don't know about you, but I want a real, genuine man with the capacity and generosity of heart to love the real, genuine me.  The kind of man who doesn't abandon his toys once he's played with them a few weeks.  The kind of man who is over self-indulgence and competing with other boys for the prize of the prettiest girl.

I don't want the kind of guy who'll respond to Love Tactics.  I know that the tactics work … but they'll win me an immature relationship with a competitive, status-oriented man.  Huh-uh.  No thanks.

If you're a mature woman who wants real love in a respectful, nurturing relationship, please don't play games.  You don't need tactics.

What you need is to break through the mental barriers that are closing you off to love.  The barriers that say, "All men are jerks" … or "He can't possibly be interested in me" … or "Men are just after sex" … or "I don't need anyone."

Simply through learning how to live in a more loving way, you will attract men to you who have the most open, amazing, genuine hearts … and who want nothing more than to be with the real you.

That's what our 2006 Edition of How to Be Irresistible to Men (soon to be released! will keep you posted) is all about.

I've been going on a slew of blind dates from an online dating site recently.  It seems that every profile I put up attracts a different sort of person.  My last profile seemed to attract young, intense, focused entrepreneurs.  My current profile appears to have attracted intelligent artistic men.

It's strange how a online dating profile, like a resume, can highlight different aspects of yourself, each attractive to a different sort of guy.  My early efforts into online dating attracted a lot of immature young partiers.  I wasted hours chatting to men who lived so far away that we would never meet, and I spent ages composing carefully polite responses to men that I knew I'd never want to date.

Although I know much more than I did back then, my online dating efforts seem to follow the same pattern: I put up a profile, chat with a dozen or so guys, meet half of them, then end up with one really cool friend/romantic interest with whom I end up hanging out constantly for the next six months.

I tend to get discouraged with online dating sites.  It's like the old adage: "Water, water everywhere, and not a drop to drink."  There are so many men online, but finding someone you click with is hit or miss.  The effort involved in answering emails and sorting through "winks" can become too much when coupled with work and social activities.   After a month online, I end up removing my profile and spending more time on me rather than dating.

The great thing with taking a break from online dating is that when you get back into it, you have fresh enthusiasm.  I recreate my profile from scratch every time, with different photos, so that I can meet different sorts of people.  My most successful profile was when I was moving to a new country and men lined up to show me around.

Why was that particular profile so successful?  I think it was because men had a reason to meet me that wasn't to suss out the romantic possibilities.  Even if they weren't particularly attracted to me, they felt a friendly obligation to welcome me to the area and did it with pleasure.

And when romance happened, it struck without warning.  A friendly fellow thought that it would be a laugh to meet this traveler for a drink and a chat, and the attraction was immediate.  We ended up having a wonderful six-month relationship.

So what does that suggest about online dating?  That perhaps a better approach to meeting than the first casual coffee date is to meet one another for a reason.  Maybe he is into kayaking, and you'd like to learn.  Maybe your favorite museum has a new exhibit, and he doesn't know much about art.

When one of you has something to share, and the other one is willing to learn, then a friendly ground is established that promises that the date will be a positive experience with no pressure. 

I am always wary of online profiles that state that Bachelor or Bachelorette X is seeking for their soulmate.  We're ALL looking for our soulmate.  But I don't want to meet a possible online match knowing that I'm going to be immediately rejected if I don't fit his vision of the perfect mate.

I think that men feel this way, too.  Men will want to meet you if they think from your profile that they're going to have a great time chatting with you.  If they sense that your only purpose in being online is to find the guy of your dreams, then they may not want to put themselves up for rejection.

At any rate, I've had a couple of nice chats with lovely men.  No sparks yet, but I don't have any expectations.  I'm simply enjoying the experience of dating.