Do you feel tired all the time?

Do you feel like you never have enough time to sit down, let alone enjoy a few minutes to yourself?

Do you catch yourself looking frazzled and worn out? 

Do you wish you could just shut the door and close the world out so that you'd have a moment's peace? 

If you answered "yes" to any of the above questions, then you may be compromising your attractiveness without realizing it!

No one ever says, "She's so pretty when she's stressed out."

Running around like a crazy person, not having any time to socialize, and always feeling like you're at the end of your rope are not qualities that attract romance.  They're qualities that scream, "This woman doesn't have time for a relationship!"

But the curse of modern life is that we do get busy, stressed out, frazzled, and have no time whatsoever.  Our eyes become bleary from lack of sleep, worry lines etch our foreheads, and our bodies slouch from exhaustion.

Taking time for yourself isn't just important to stay physically healthy: it's important to stay emotionally healthy as well.  When you're tired and stressed, you end up snapping at those you love, glowering when everyone else is smiling, and avoiding social activities that add another layer of pressure to your already-hectic life.

That's why I think it's so important to spend some time asking ourselves how we can feel healthy, vibrant, and alive.

• When was the last time that you felt absolutely amazing?
• What do you think was the reason(s) that you felt so great?
• How long did it last?
• Do you think it's possible to feel that way all the time? 
• What would it be worth it to you to have more energy, more time, and more joy?

If you're serious about your quest to feel fantastic (not just "good enough") all the time, then you're ready to meet Heather Picken.

Heather Picken is a motivational coach, certified personal trainer, nutritionist and metabolic specialist who has made it her goal to help women feel absolutely amazing through her company, "I FEEL Like a Million Bucks! " She believes in empowering women to achieve higher energy levels, a more positive outlook, greater happiness, and greater success in all areas of their lives.

For Heather, one of the most important areas that we can make a difference in is our personal health.  When we experience stress in our lives, many of us turn to food and unhealthy behaviors like sleeping too little, drinking too much, and not exercising to get us through.

Yet instead of giving us more energy, those behaviors actually drain our energy and make us feel lethargic, unhappy, and negative about ourselves and our appearance. 

That's why Heather designed her 6-Week Ultimate Fat-Burning & Instant Motivational System for Women over 30.  It's a weight-loss program containing 6 CDs and a 63-page manual, targeted for women over 30 who want to lose fat and feel great.  She designed the program for this age group because, she says, "I find as women get older they feel they have no control over their bodies."  This feeling makes many women feel less confident when it comes to pursuing their other goals, such as having a relationship.  Worst of all, those very behaviors that keep us overweight also sap us of energy. 

Heather believes that the response that most of us take to weight loss – a diet – actually hurts us more than it helps us.  If our goal is to feel fantastic, then we need to make long-term changes to how we take care of our bodies.  We need to energize our bodies, not starve them.

Heather explains that her program…

…is based on my 10 years of experience with working specifically with women to get them results that are PERMANENT. This program is very unique as it is NOT A DIET!  It is a system that works to lose fat and inches and will change the way women think and feel about food. 

Learn more about Heather by visiting her website:

http://www.000relationships.com/feelinglikeamillion

Today is the fifth anniversary of September 11.  It's a date that needs no identification.  Like the assassination of President Kennedy, it has marked a generation and defined the young 21st century.

It goes without saying that today should be a day of remembrance.  As you go about your day – getting breakfast made, commuting to work, picking up the kids from school – I hope you find time for a moment of silence.

Even as all of us search for love, it's important to remember that all we have in life is the present moment.  Even as you search for Mr. Right, life holds no guarantee that you'll be able to keep him forever.

If you have a man in your life right now, enjoy him.  Enjoy every evening you spend together.  Enjoy the silly conversations and the easy way you share the details of your day.  In the midst of reminding him to get the groceries or arranging your weekend plans, give him a hug and thank him for being in your life.  You're lucky to have him, just as he's lucky to have you.

There's a fantastic story in the New York Metro about the 9/11 widows and how they've accepted the challenge of moving on with their lives.  For those of us who've had to confront life after the loss of a partner – whether through death, divorce, or a breakup – the widows' grief reminds us of the stages of grieving and the mental tricks the mind will play to keep from having to confront the ugly reality of life without our beloved.  The way the widows came together to support one another in groups like the GW ("Grieving Widows") reminds us how deeply we can rely on our female friends and family members to understand what we're going through and offer us their ears to listen and shoulders to lean on.  And the widows' resilience as they began laughing again, vacationing again, and – yes- dating and loving again, reminds us that we don't have to carry our grief with us forever.  Even though you may have loved your previous partner beyond belief, you honor him most by taking that fierce, deep love and sharing it with others.

According to Dr. Judy of the New York Daily News, the meaning of 9/11 is greater than tragedy: it's also about reminding ourselves what's important and finding new resolve to connect with our loved ones.  She believes that, "like a wedding anniversary, birth of a child or death of a loved one, September 11 is a 'marker' date that can serve as a turning point to turn your life – and your relationship – around."

Life is too precious – as is love – to live each day on autopilot, repeating the same old patterns and having the same old arguments.

If you're seeking a way to honor those who died in 9/11 in a way that reflects the lessons learned in the five years since it happened, then might I suggest that you think of one person in your life whom you've been unable to forgive, and give them a call?

Forgiveness frees us.  In forgiveness, you let go of the baggage that keeps poisoning the present.  Forgiveness – of ourselves as well as others – allows us to move on.

And that, ultimately, is the best way to honor the dead: to appreciate, respect, and honor the gift of life.

I discovered the following poem in Wayne Dyer's book, The Power of Intention.  It's by Rumi, a 13th century Persian poet and mystic.  It is so beautiful that I want to share it with you here.

You were born with potential.
You were born with goodness and trust.
You were born with ideals and dreams.
You were born with greatness.
You were born with wings.
You are not meant for crawling, so don't.
You have wings.
Learn to use them and fly.

– Rumi 

Happy 4th of July to everyone!  I hope you're planning something special.  This is the time of year when I get most nostalgic for my childhood, when the Fourth of July seemed like the longest and most exciting day of the year (after Christmas, of course).

Afternoon kicked off the Independence Day parade, where my brother and I would race out and collect candy from beneath the hooves of beribboned horses.  Later my family would have a bonfire on the beach and eat s'mores and light off fireworks on the smooth sand.  When darkness fell, the real fireworks display started.  We snuggled beneath old sleeping bags, and I remember watching the reflections of light on my parents' faces.  The rare occasion of all of us spending a day together was just as important for me as the parade and fireworks.

All that changed when I became a teenager.  I became too "cool" to collect candy.  Instead of watching the parade with my parents, I wandered up and down the parade route with my best friend to watch for cute out-of-town boys and hope I'd be noticed.  At the beach that evening I met up with school friends and only returned to my family when it grew dark.  And on a secluded corner of the beach one year, I had my first real kiss.

Looking back now, I feel a bit sad to remember just how important popularity and success with boys was to me – and all of us, really – at that time in my life.  Like most teenagers, I believed that my social status with my peers was more important than time with my family.  If someone would have told me that what boys thought of me didn't matter, that I was going to be successful in life whether or not I got noticed by boys, and that what I would miss most someday would not be the social status but rather that precious time with family, I would have thought they were crazy.

It is so easy to forget what's really valuable and important in life.  We may have friends and family that love us, but instead it's tempting to focus on our lack of a guy.  We may have wonderful activities to share with people we care about, but instead we find ourselves tempted to look for opportunities where there are single men.

Sometimes it's nice to stop looking and just enjoy where we are in life.  It's nice to remember that our success in life isn't judged on whether we have a boyfriend/partner/husband or not.  It's nice to remember that we can do or be anything we want without being penalized for being single.

Our civilization has gone a long way in the past fifty years.  Every day, women around the world get more opportunities to fulfill their dreams.  We know that a loving, lasting relationship should – and will – be part of our lives, but it isn't and won't be our entire life.  Life is much bigger than that.

This Independence Day, I'd like to ask you to remember one of the greatest blessings of all: our ability to take charge of our lives and change what we don't like.  It's a blessing bestowed to all of us.  No matter how impossible something seems, or how great the odds, we still have the opportunity to do something about it.

Let your life reflect conscious choices.  You don't have to be noticed by boys, get lots of attention, or have the perfect boyfriend to be successful.  You get to decide what will make you successful.  What will you create?

I've been so excited recently.  Not only is Sarah about to bring her bundle of joy into the world, but I'm about to bring my creative "baby" into the world.  Sarah's stepped back and let me do a lot of the development on the 2006 edition.  Oh, wow … it's going to be incredible.

You see, several months ago we were sitting down and thinking about the ways in which we could really get people to go out there and take charge of their love lives.  We suspected that there were women who were going out there and getting all the information they could about men and dating, but not actually taking the next step of changing the way they acted around men.

Why?  Why would we learn and learn about relationship skills, but not actually use it on the real-life men around us?

Here at 000Relationships.com, my team members and I brainstormed some reasons.  Perhaps these women felt that there wasn't anyone around them they wanted to practice on.  Perhaps the fear of failure kept them back.  Perhaps they felt it was too much work.  Perhaps they felt it wasn't "them."  Perhaps they preferred to hold onto old habits – even if they weren't working – rather than face the risk of trying something new.  Perhaps the knowledge just seemed too theoretical in an ebook.

The last idea really struck me.  Often, one reason that we don't do things is because it just seems too foreign when we're reading it in a book.  It is one thing to read an ebook and think about the ideas.  It is quite another to feel inspired and motivated enough to go out into the world and actually apply those ideas to your own situation.

So we decided that we were going to make the 2006 edition much more immediate, inspirational, and individualized.  Instead of writing another edition of the ebook, we were going to create a video course with a panel of special guests.  We were going to talk to you about how we wrestled with the ideas and applied them to our own lives.  And most importantly, we were going to take every opportunity to motivate you and inspire you to throw off your old ways of acting with men and emerge transformed and completely irresistible.

Not all of us learn best by books.  Some of us are visual learners.  Other learn best by hearing.  So that's why the 2006 Edition provides all three.  You won't have any excuses for accepting a second-rate relationship when you're capable of so much more!

I've been enjoying creating this edition with my colleagues so much.  I recently finished a beautiful 111-page workbook with supplementary material and exercises to go with each of the 12 lessons in the the two-hour video course.  It gives you a chance to think about the ideas and really apply them to yourself.  We want you to succeed!

Since I know that not everyone has a high-speed internet connection, we're making the video lessons available in a variety of formats, including audio so that you can play it on your iPod. 

In the next few weeks, we're going to pre-launch the 2006 edition to a few select people to get their feedback on how we can streamline and improve it.  Then we're going to release it to you.

I'll keep you posted!

The third place winner in the Readers Story competition gives us a timely message about just how much abuse we should put up with in relationships, and encourages us to value ourselves more.

"Bad Boy Meets Dangerous"

by Auriel Wiccan

It basically begins when I was going through my rebellious years, the years of trying new things, having boyfriends that never lasted, going to parties and basically doing everything you shouldn’t!

I had just finished a brilliant summer of friendship, heartache, new loves and another year at school had passed, making me that bit smarter in every area.  I went out with a couple of guys, nothing serious.  But like any person, I wanted and needed companionship.  Trouble is, like too many others, unfortunately we go for the wrong types again and again, except the one I chose was far more dangerous.

Young girls with little experience, even those of great maturity, often feel that bad boy allure, and I was captivated by it so many times. I wish I hadn’t been one of the worse case scenarios, but it turns out I narrowly escaped being one.

I started seeing this guy whom I had briefly met through other guys that had been hanging around with us in the summer.  I didn’t know his past history with women or himself as I had not really talked to him.  (I didn’t even want to go out with him.  It’s ironic, I got nagged so much by him and his friends I ended up with him, sorry to say.)

I noticed after the first few weeks that he or his closest friends weren’t your “usual” bad boys.  There was something more dangerous and complicated going on in the background, but we never got to see what, as it was always masked from us.  However, I knew from the first few weeks of seeing him that he and his friends took drugs now and then (I naively thought at the time) and I didn't mind but was afraid in case my suspicions of any heavy drugs being used was clarified.

I would go up to his room when he and his friends would go out and they would tell us to stay down in the lounge but we would go up and look around.  One time when I was alone I looked around for drugs, as I had became more and more scared of the growing personality traits and changes to existing ones.  He was starting to act like a very angry person.  There were many more other signs, too, but I had to know.  He was very, very sneaky about his drug use, as drug users are, I later found out.

I ended up finding two sets of needles behind a picture in his wall which was being done up and was at the time just plasterboard.  A rush of adrenaline came over me. I was infused with various emotions at once.  It hit me like thunder … my boyfriend’s a heroin addict.

I totally freaked out. I thought, “Oh no!”  My heart sank.  I had already developed feelings for him and cared about him very much by the time all of the truth came out about what he had been doing….

I later would find spoons and other such paraphernalia in the weirdest of places and done in the sneakiest ways to avoid detection…

I was in a situation that was spiraling out of control.  I felt helpless.  I didn’t go to my parents, as I was afraid and ashamed.  I wish I had.

I’ve told myself that so many times as things could have been so different.  So much time has been wasted in my life due to this one relationship.  I hope one of you reads this that’s in a similar situation and gets help straight away as it will not get better.  He will not change, but you can get out while you still can.

I was lucky to get out.

After about a year, he started getting violent.  I was getting beatings for the most trivial things or things thrown at me or kicked or shoved.  He was drinking profusely and acted like an animal most of the time I saw him.  He was wasted and out of control, with no respect for me or anyone around me, including my family, who were subsequently threatened if I told them anything about his using or violence, which he would deny anyway.

I remember so many bad events in which things were broken, torn, ripped, even once locking myself in bathrooms which he punched holes in to get away from him, in my house which I tried to cover up.  And, of course, due to the amount and the extent of his punches on my head, I have a lot of memory loss from this relationship.  Things will pop up that I hadn’t even recalled happening and also because I have repressed it, my tender young mind probably too young and fragile to be overloaded with all these anxieties.

After you become involved in one lie with this type of thing, it grows and becomes 100.  It’s better to get away and tell the truth and what’s happened from the start.  There’s no point making up excuses for their behavior in the hope you might end back with them as you won’t, as they won’t change, only you can and only you can LEARN FROM IT and CHANGE IT and I SINCERELEY HOPE YOU DO….

I always get asked the same question, and you will be able to relate if you’re going through or have with any of this: “WHY DID YOU STAY WITH HIM IF HE TREATED YOU LIKE THAT?”

Well, for those of you that have been there, you know what I do.  For those that haven’t, the answer is different for everyone but more or less the same in a round-about way: it’s simply not that easy!  You still love the person, you want him to get better and basically imagine he will, you want to see the good side of him and the good things he’s done and not the bad, but sadly at the end of it all you intuitively know, it’s over.

And that’s where it should have been a long time ago.  He’s not meant for you and you weren’t put on this earth to be treated like garbage by ANYONE.  PLEASE REMEMBER YOU’RE WORTH MORE IN ANY SITUATION.

If I can go through this at such a young age, then you can too!  We have a cycle of life to play out, and sometimes we have to be put through horrible things in order for us to learn.  If we learn, we have knowledge.  Knowledge is power.  Power leads to attainment, attainment to enlightenment.  Everyone has it in them to fulfill anything they want and overcome the worst things, as we are not just physical: we are spiritual, intuitive beings and have a lot more in us, around us and going for us than we know.

Until the time comes for you to use this, you will not understand, but there will come a time when you have to open up and use one of the things you were born with naturally.  Then you will see that you are so much more than what you see when you look in the mirror and so much stronger, too!

Blessings all and I hope you will take from this something, anything as long as it helps you.  Don’t let any problem in a relationship fester, as it will eventually erupt one way or another like a volcano.

[Submission has been edited for brevity.]

I'd like to share these important lessons and inspiring messages that our readers have discovered in their journey to find happiness and love.

Alisa Audet (who has found her Mr. Right):

I truly believe when you focus on having fun together, you will be more successful in relationships.  I had a lot of guy coaches too!  They taught me what men truly want. They want to be appreciated, want to have fun (a playmate), and they want a caring woman.

I learned through experience that when a man hurts your feelings or doesn't give you what you were wanting not to make a big deal out of it.  Make a big deal out of what he does right and you'll find he won't mess up! Also, learn to communicate without hurtful words.

Couples that play together……stay together.

Respect, honor, and have fun! That is what makes dating successful! Most of all………be yourself!

The right person is worth waiting for.

Rachel Buenviaje:

Me and my current boyfriend have been going out for about a year now. Though there are things I find unusual in him but as our relationship progresses, I began to realize that compatibility is not everything. A couple could still survive despite their differences. Diversity in a relationship can set some space for growth, for both parties.
 
It may be difficult during the adjustment period, but I realized accepting your partner's weakness and appreciating his strengths is all that matters….
 
One thing I learned in love, never measure LoVe. Coz there's no measure in true love. All that matters is the way you feel for one another, and the way you value each other's presence.

Reena James:

God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful. It's like God is preparing us and when we're ready, then we will meet the one. Breakups are hard and hurtful, but that's God's exam to us in life. 

I'd like to ask all you women out there: what are the very best books for single women?

The reason I ask is because I came across this nifty little book while browsing the web.  It's called Even God is Single, So Stop Giving Me a Hard Time by Karen Salmansohn.  I haven't seen the book myself, but now I want a copy!

I love books that make me feel good about being single.  They're a great antidote to all the romances and chick lit I have on my shelves. (Yes, I must confess, I love Nora Roberts!)

Do any of you have books that you're recommend for single friends that celebrate the wonder and powerful of being absolutely independently footloose and fancy free? 

A friend recently sent me five simple rules to be happy, and I found them so beautiful that I wanted to share them with you.

1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.

Although these five rules are simple, they can be so difficult to practice.  Take the first rule: to free your heart from hatred.

It can be so hard to release the angry feelings we have when someone we've cared about treats us badly or rejects us rudely.  I know so many women who hang on to angry feelings about their ex-partners.  Every time dates are discussed, the old stories are brought out: reasons not to trust men, the shortcomings all men have, and why being single is better than risking getting hurt again.

By being unable to forgive and let go, these women end up blaming or being suspicious of all men.  In their hearts, they've judged the male race and found them guilty.  Yet buried beneath that hatred is a part of them that wishes their judgment wasn't true: a part of them that longs for harmony and intimacy.

Alison Armstrong from PAX Programs teaches a seminar called Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women.  In the seminars, women are asked to make a vow.  No more men-bashing.  No more generalizing about all men on the basis of a few individuals.  No more making sweeping assumptions about "all men."  No more treating men as the enemy.

A friend of mine who frequently attends the PAX seminars told me that the vow is oddly liberating, yet challenging.  She said that she never realized until that day how often she spoke negatively about men.

Think about it.  How often have you said one of the following?

"Men don't have a clue what we women do for them."
"Women have to do everything for men; they're incapable of taking care of themselves."
"All men want is sex."
"Guys are just looking for a good time; they don't care about who they hurt in the process."
"Men are so stupid sometimes."
"Why can't men be more like women?"

When you prepare your heart for happiness, the first step you need to take is to free your heart of all lingering negativity towards men.

Forgive your exes.  No matter what they did to you, it is in the past.  Don't allow them to continue to damage your life by leaving you with a lingering suspicion or distrust of men.  Realize that your exes were simply human; like all humans, men and women alike, they made mistakes.  Forgive them and let it go.

Consider attending one of Alison Armstrong's seminars.  If you can't attend, then at the very least make a promise to yourself: you will stop men-bashing.  Even if a group of your female friends start talking about the 101 ways in which men fall short of perfection, make a vow to yourself that you won't join in.  Men aren't perfect, but neither are women.

As you learn to enjoy the company of men, appreciating the ways in which they are different from women, not holding a grudge against any man, you'll find that something incredible happens.  Men will start seeking out your company.  You'll find strange men striking up conversations with you.  Men can tell when they're in the presence of a woman who loves and appreciates men.  In fact, it's one of the most attractive traits women can have.

And if it makes you happier, why not give it a try? 

Today while I was at the gym, I was suddenly struck with amusement at the thought of how an outsider to our culture would see this.  Here is a room full of scantily attired people puffing and sweating as they work energetically to move plates of metal and run on spinning belts that take them nowhere.  I could just imagine a newcomer to Planet Earth stopping the nearest treadmill runner and asking them, "Don't you realize that you're going nowhere?"

Of course, the point of running on a treadmill isn't to get somewhere.  It's to improve fitness so that we stay healthy despite sedentary lives.

In some ways, I think that studying relationships and dating is a lot like running on a treadmill.  We can learn tons and tons about how to be more attractive, how to carry on a perfect conversation, and how to keep a relationship's fire burning, but we end up in the same place that we started: still single.

"But all these dating books and seminars and experts were supposed to get me a boyfriend!" comes the protest.

But learning about dating and relationships in isolation is just like running on the treadmill at the gym.  Unless you are out and about in real life, actually practicing what you've learned, you are not going to get anywhere.

That doesn't mean that all your research and study is going to waste.  Just as people have to go to school to become doctors or lawyers, so you are learning relationship skills that will serve you well in your future relationships.

I think that it's unfortunate that relationship skills are not taught in school; such skills are just as important for future happiness and success—if not more so—than knowing math and English.

Learn as much as you can about attraction, dating, and relationships, but realize that doing so won't automatically "get" you a man.  That isn't the point, anymore than running on a treadmill will help you reach a destination.

Instead, learn about dating and relationships to become a more fulfilled, healthy, and loving individual.  Do it to become irresistibly attractive in body, mind, and spirit.

But be careful to remember that such attractiveness is dependent on what you invest in yourself for your own sake, not for the sake of a man you hope to attract.

True attractiveness blooms naturally from a woman who is fulfilled, healthy, and loving for her own sake—not for the sake of a man.

So if you feel that sometimes you're spinning your wheels and getting nowhere, just remember that you are making progress.  You're investing in your own emotional fitness.