"I’m a creep/I’m a widoooow"

-Radiohead, "Creep"

Yesterday provided an amusing situation for yours truly.  I was out at a bar and was watching this guy make a move on this pretty hot girl named Sue.  It was a situation we’ve all seen (and perhaps experienced): The girl was CLEARLY not interested, yet the guy didn’t have a CLUE and kept on bugging her!  "Sue" actually got up to go to the bathroom, and he followed her there!  She nearly had to push him away as she went in.  Then when she came out, he was there again!  That was enough for her; Sue promptly left the joint with her female friends, who snorted not-so-nice words at the guy.  Interestingly enough, he looked confused by their remarks!  This joker looked like he legitimately couldn’t understand what he had done wrong. 

What the guy did wrong is obvious, and relatable, to any man who’s been to a bar before.  This guy was being a CREEP.

Now, as I watched Sue squirm and not even look the guy in the eyes–some of the many obvious clues she gave him to "bug off"–I got into a giving, philanthropic mood.  I decided it’s my job, my civil duty, to get my readers thinking about the following question: Are you a creep?  Because if you think you are, it’s time to change.  Not just for girls the world over, like Sue, who are seriously creeped out by the WEIRD men out there.  But also for the sake of us good men, who are given a bad name by other guys’ creepish behavior.  If you are a creep, or know of any out there, it’s time to take note.

Now, to be fair, I like to think that the majority of my readers are good-natured guys looking to make positive, honest changes in themselves so they can become better lovers in particular, and better people in general.  But the fact remains that, some guys out there have behaviors that REALLY scare girls off.  And the worst part is, they’re not even aware of them!  Or they’re in denial.  So for the betterment of guys everywhere, I want you to answer the following questions, in relation to either yourself, or a friend:

* Do you butt in on girls’ conversations, without even excusing yourself? 

* Do you enter into a monologue, not allowing others to talk, and even worse, don’t even look the girls in the eyes?

* Or worse, do you look the girl(s) DIRECTLY into the eyes to point of being really creepy?

* Do you linger around a girl and her friends until they eventually leave their table or spot at a bar?

* Do you linger around a chick until she has to order you to leave?

* Do you ignore girls’ body language, including the position of her eyes and whether she faces you or not?

* Do you ask for their phone numbers even when they’re walking away from you?

* Do you follow girls out when they leave a place?

* Do you follow her out to her cab?

* Do you pull a "Mikey" from Swingers and leave answering machine message after answering machine message?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, it’s time to take a deep, hard look at yourself–or whatever pal you have who you think may be a creep.  If you answered yes to ALL of these questions, then for the good name of men everywhere, stay at home for a week, a month, a year!  Lots of girls are avoiding good men in fear of him being a weird guy or even a stalker.  So let’s all get up and improve the reputation of men–we’re not all creeps!  And for those of us who are–well, it’s time to do something about it!

What does that mean?  It means, yes, having the confidence to talk a girl, but also RECOGNIZING when she doesn’t want to talk to you.  If she’s not looking at you, and/or her friends are giving you the evil eye, it’s probably best to back off.  If you don’t let her talk, and actively LISTEN, then it’s probably time to open your ears.  And if you find yourself chasing girls with their backs to you, well, face it dude: She’s just not into you!

We’ve all had girls who play hard to get.  But if they’re rolling their eyes, groaning, slamming their heads against the wall, or generally looking displeased, it’s probably time to just accept that they’re not for you.  Find someone who enjoys your company–not someone who despises it.  Unless you want to follow the lead of the "Creep" character–and be a widow!