There’s nothing worse than being in a slump.
Or so they say.
I’ve been there, chances are you’ve been there, and I have a good friend who’s there right now. It’s affected just about every guy, and is the ultimate discouragement in our pursuit of women…if you let it be. For all its negative undertones, being in a slump doesn’t have to be the worst thing ever. There are actually benefits to taking a timeout from girls, and the sooner you see these benefits, the sooner you’ll actually get out of your drought and into the female zone you’re seeking.
The first step out of a slump is to BELIEVE that you’ll get out of the slump. May be harder than it sounds, but believe me, it’s crucial to adopt that mindset. The guys who are quickest to get out of a drought are those who don’t throw a pity party for themselves, who don’t flee back to their ex’s in desperation, and who remain focused on the other parts of their life, the parts that will attract women to them in the first place: work, sports, friends, etc.
My friend Sal is in a slump for the first time in a while. He dated one girl for 5 full years, and now that he finally broke up with her, he doesn’t know what to do. It’s been about a month, which is a lot shorter time period than a lot of guys I know who have been through the same, and he’s already getting cranky, depressed, and tempted to go back to his girlfriend, despite the fact that he knows she’s not right for him.
But in situations like his, you have to HOLD YOUR GROUND. Yeah, it blows being in a slump when it seems like no girl is into you. It’s frustrating as hell not getting any love or sex for a long stretch. But you know what? It’s also rewarding, which brings me to my next Slump Salvation tidbit:
Use the free time you have with no girlfriend or booty call to improve yourself.
Sal doesn’t seem to be doing this. He’s wasting lots of time going online, searching for girls he miiiiight be able to get a date with (I’m no believer in online dating), and groveling over how he can’t seem to get a girl, even when it seems like she’s interested in him. He’s giving women power over his life, making it seem like having one is the sole purpose in life, instead of empowering HIMSELF and going on living with a purpose that isn’t women-related.
As I’ve said so many times before, the funny thing about not looking for a girl is that THAT is when you are most likely to get one. So instead of wasting hours on end looking on MySpace or Lavalife or whatever other dating sites you may use, and beating yourself up for being single, get on with your life! Show women that you’re a fun guy, a man in control of his own destiny. The great thing about being single is that you have the time that you wouldn’te when you’re with a girl, to learn new things that generally impress girls: how to cook a great meal, enjoying sports and getting in shape, travelling wherever you want and opening up to new things in life.
A lot of guys stop learning, stop opening themselves up when they’re with a girl. They become complacent, oversatisfied, content that now that they’ve found a girlfriend or wife, as if they’ve reached the top of the mountain.
Nah. Doesn’t work that way. Having a woman is only one piece of the pie.
In fact, when you stop exploring life and committing yourself to new things, that’s when a girl often loses interest. She sees that her boyfriend or husband has settled down and has become boring. Things don’t change, when girls often like change and new things. And often, that’s exactly when a woman leaves a man.
The time you have alone is your time of preparation, of becoming an exciting person. I, for example, was definitely not ready 10 years ago for the relationships I have been in over the last five years. I used the time in my teens and early 20’s to build myself up and find out who I was and who I wanted to be. Since I took the time to find MYSELF, to build up my character and personality, it was no wonder that I was subsequently able to find girls, in return.
If you’re in a drought, don’t think of it as a bad situation–see it as a good one. You’ve already taken the time to read this column and sort some things out, and that’s an awesome start. Learn everything you can, do everything you have time to do. Remember that there’s probably a good reason you’re single right now; perhaps it was meant to be and it’s your chance to learn more about yourself and what it is you really love. Not every girl is made for every girl–there’s a special girl (or girls) out there just for you, but you have to build up your identity and purpose before you can find her.
Once you get a good understanding of your purpose in life and what you want to do with it, you’ll find that you enjoy things more. If your goal is to become a successful business owner who travels the world, use your free time now to determine how you’re going to achieve that goal, and go on doing it. Hunker down to build that business, and use your free time to see the world (you’ll probably meet a girl while travelling). I guarantee you that once you have a path, an understanding of what your life is about, girls will begin to enter your life. You’ll be having so much fun doing what moves you, what fills you up, that you won’t even be searching for women. But as I said before, that’s exactly when they show up.
So remember, believe that you’ll get out of the slump, use the time that the slump affords you with, and you’ll go from bust to boon in no time!
