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Stand By Your Woman

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

posted by james

"The world is full of suffering.  It is also full of the overcoming of it."
-Helen Keller 

What did we learn from 9/11?  That no one is safe from terrorism?  That the human heart is capable of everything from sick, hateful violence to brave, loving care?  That New Yorkers, when tragedy hits, aren’t such rude dirt bags after all?

For me, the biggest lesson applies to us men in particular.  It’s about how important it is for us to be able to stand by our loved ones and provide a strong shoulder to lean on when the going gets rough.  You may not be a fireman, but that doesn’t mean you can’t save lives.  For while it may be too late to save the lives of the people who perished in that horrific attack 5 years ago, it’s never too late to save the lives of people we care about TODAY: with our words, our actions, our sympathy, our presence.  In a way, we can all be heroes, if we just show enough love to those we care about.

The person I cared about most at the time of 9/11 was Veronica, my girlfriend of seven months.  She actually worked as a hostess in Windows on the World, the superb top-floor restaurant of the North Tower with unparalleled views stretching from Manhattan to The Bronx, from New Jersey to Long Island.  In fact, we had eaten at "WoW" together just two nights before the event that changed the world.  I had actually been campaigning for weeks to have dinner there on one of her rare days off, so it’s funny, and a bit frightening, that we made it there just in time.

It also made the fact that the Towers fell all the more devastating.

Like nothing else, losing the Towers devastated Veronica.  In an instant, she lost her workplace, her friends, her memories, her life.  Everything and everybody were all gone, never to be seen again.  No matter how hard she might have tried otherwise, her life was, indeed, changed forever.

At a catastrophic moment like this, where do you see love?  All Veronica saw was hate.  And life without love is a very scary thing. 

Veronica was definitely scared at that time, and in the absence of the love that the Twin Towers represented to her, her heart was dealt a severe blow just as powerful as the fatal impact from the two planes.  She was severely depressed for months, and there was no escaping the gloom: The punctured skyline of The Big Apple reminded her daily that her friends, workplace, and old life would never return.  More and more she became a different person, one who weakened under the impact of the horrific loss.

I remember being jealous of the firemen and policemen who got so much attention and honor for saving lives and rushing into certain death on that fateful day.  But when Veronica’s own heart fell like the Towers themselves, I knew the time had arrived for ME to be a hero of my own.  It was time for ME to show her the only thing that could heal her broken heart: love.

While Veronica’s sadness didn’t magically go away, she was grateful that I was there to listen and understand the pain she went through.  I’d spend hours just talking and listening to her, and it got her through each day, albeit with difficulty.

Finally I convinced her to take a break: she should go to her native Peru to get away from it all.  She quickly agreed that that was a good idea, and it was.

I visited Ronnie down in Peru, and she really was a happier person.  Travelling all the way to South America was a good get-away for her, and one that brought the joy back to her scarred psyche.  We both had a good time down in Lima; it was a nice, remote break from a city that was still reeling from the attacks.  She was starting to see hope again.

Then she came back to New York, and everything went back to the way it was before–only worse.

Flying into JFK Airport, seeing the skyline in the distance without the Towers, was a swift reminder to Veronica that she couldn’t run away from her problems.  They were here to stay.  And realizing that was like yet another blow to her already fragile heart.  In the next few months, Ronnie went from depressed to suicidal.  She had already had some family problems and a nasty break-up before she met me, and nobody besides me seemed to have the time or the heart to listen to her problems.  Now she felt like life wasn’t worth living.  The attacks on New York and the U.S., were also an attack on her very existence.  She just couldn’t bear to go on.

Once again I realized that if I were to be a hero, I had to be strong to see Veronica survive.

I wouldn’t let her quit on life.  By reminding her of her strengths, sharing my love, listening to her woes, and being there when she needed me (oftentimes at 3 or 4 in the morning!), I helped Veronica get back on her feet.  I showed her that there WAS life after 9/11, that as horrific as it was, it was our job as strong citizens to bounce back.  We owed it to our nation, and we owed it to ourselves, to not let the terrorists win the battle to destroy our will.

Change didn’t come overnight; in fact, it took more than a few months for Veronica to even enjoy going out again.  The first anniversary of 9/11 was her biggest challenge, but she passed with flying colors; she didn’t return to her suicidal ways.  By seeing love and knowing someone was there who wanted to see her get through it all, Veronica became stronger.  Life after September 11, while sad, didn’t have to be a defeat; by bouncing back, it could be an inspiring victory.

Now, after lots of healing and effort, Veronica’s back to her pre-9/11 self.  Even though we broke up a couple years ago, we’re still good friends.  She’s a joy to be around, and even a joy to talk to over the phone and on the computer.  She credits me with saving her life, and that alone makes me want to ensure that she never falls again.

In the end, Veronica’s path to life after 9/11 taught me the biggest lesson of all.  Just because you weren’t a fireman or policeman rushing into the Twin Towers on that solemn date, doesn’t mean you can’t be a hero.  Go out, TODAY, and tell your brother, your sister, your parents, your girlfriend, your wife, your friends, how much you care about them.  Give them a shoulder to lean on.  Listen when they cry.  Stand by them.  You may just save a life…and that makes you a hero.

14 Comments

127

Comment by Lone Wolf

September 12, 2006 @ 11:36 am

Love your article man. Really touched me. Perhaps more than anything else 9/11 showed the good in people as well as the bad.

At the end of the day that is what relationships are about. Not routines and pickup lines, but sharing with a person.

My prayers go with you and Veronica.

128

Comment by Lupe Esquibel

September 12, 2006 @ 12:30 pm

That was a Great Article on 9 11 James you did a wonderful job of keeping Veronica together with Herself. Helping others and giving them advice has always been what ive done most of my life. Along the way ive saved about a half a Dozen lives but i dont like to talk much about what i do for others it just feels good Helping people, and its good to know that you care about people enough to help them also James. >> LUPE >>

129

Comment by conrad

September 12, 2006 @ 1:04 pm

Hey James, an awesome article man, and a gentle reminder that all of us men have an intrinsic drive to be a “hero” in our everyday lives if we would just give in to the calling.

130

Comment by Phantomas

September 12, 2006 @ 2:55 pm

Great atricle. I have to say that the tragic events of 9/11 have ruined lives of possibly a small generation of young people living in NY. What you did for that Veronica was great. And people should be reminded that catastrophic violence is not the answer to any problem or situation in life. Great comments. Thank you!

134

Comment by charles philipps

September 12, 2006 @ 7:32 pm

Hello everybody, thanks for this article.As a Frenchie, froggie whatever we may be called we have a different perspective of this event. we are very sad and very touched by this event, and wish to support USA people. However your governement has used shear military power in many event before(afghanistan, south america,gulf-war I others episode such as viet-nam, etc…)

135

Comment by charles philipps

September 12, 2006 @ 7:35 pm

sorry i send before it was finished… so here it is: much more money has been spent in military and wepaon that in overcoming poverty and misery, promoting love between poeple. US live in a artificial cocoon and that is why may be this tragic happenened. i hope that you connect to other people in the world and do not stay focussed on US problem: we all live on the same earth, breathe the same air and drink the same Water blessing to all Charles Phillipps, science school teacher, Alençon, France.

136

Comment by Isaac

September 12, 2006 @ 8:33 pm

I really like your story and has really touched me. I want to tell you that YOU are a hero indeed.
Infact nothing can be done to bring the lost people back as you rightly stated,may the good GOD guide and guard the nation U.S.A. and its citizens within and outside and the their affairs so that all these attrocities should not be repetted.
Also lets join hands together and see to put a stop to that,it is really bad and must be stopped.
Do stay bless

137

Comment by Joe

September 12, 2006 @ 8:53 pm

WOW… you have touched the heart strings here……Congratulations on such a profound article. I was hypnotically tranced whilst reading it and realised the complete relevance of the article to my life. Thanks a million.

138

Comment by wolex

September 12, 2006 @ 9:42 pm

James,

Thank you so much.That was a great article. It goes to confirm the fact that true friendship – caring about the other person, becoming genuinely interested in their welfare remains the greatest inroads to any person’s heart.
God bless you brother.

wole johnson

139

Comment by Ufforth

September 12, 2006 @ 9:55 pm

September 11 brought untold hardship, pains and melancholy to millions of people, world over. It’s therefore, no gain stating categorically that thousands are still walloping in that dastardly act orchestrated by demon-directed, selected individuals. My joy is that you were able to stand by your woman (although you latter dished her or otherwise) till her life was given a new meaning. The world would be a better place to be inhabited if men/women could make it their responsibility to care, stand and love themselves in the manner that God Himself would be pleased. You were sent for a purpose!

140

Comment by Lola

September 12, 2006 @ 10:17 pm

LOVE IS ALL WE NEED!

141

Comment by Ralph

September 13, 2006 @ 12:59 am

That was a wonderful Article on 9/11. And I also comment you for that great and wonderful work you did on Veronica’s life. I wish that most people will know this, and put it into practice by saving lives of people like that of Veronica.

143

Comment by gilbert

September 14, 2006 @ 6:26 am

I have liked your article James!
i think it is important for us to forget past evenments and to be present all time! i wish veronica to be strong and full of humor but with your help she can achieve it! i wish you to be happy forever with veronica

144

Comment by Keith

September 14, 2006 @ 7:42 am

Great job James. You did the right thing spending your time with your audience taking us back and reminding us that fateful day we all remember so well…some more than others, obviously.

I am still trying to recover from a bout of Major Depressive Disorder / Anxiety Attacks and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder which hit me this year, for the first time in my life. Though my case was brought about by my spouse’s infidelity, I know all too well the pain and severity of the symptoms and gloom Veronica suffered.

Helping her through her life’s tragedy did indeed save her a from a tragic ending. Hers would have been one more life taken by the terrorists.

Her untimely demise – which you helped to prevent – would have been EXACTLY the type of response and effect for which the terrorists were hoping. By seeing Veronica through her disabling depression and Post Traumatic Disorders – and by preventing the unthinkable, you were indeed a part of the war on terrorism. It seems Veronica’s battle might be won…I certainly hope it has been.

Warm thoughts and prayers, and best regards to Veronica and yourself.

Keith
Irving, TX

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