When it comes to attracting women, sometimes you have to think like a marketer. You have to consider your "packaging," and the way you present your "product." That means you have to take the time to think like the "consumers"–women–and know what they want. Because when it comes to the world of female attraction, the customer is always right!
Remember that before they can get to know the "real" you, women only have visual cues on which to judge your worthiness: your clothes, your height, your demeanor, your status. We men are just like any other product: we are immediately judged by the packaging. Whereas evolutionary science suggests that men consider only youth and physical attractiveness to select a mate or sex partner, women need more than that. Their evolutionary hard-wiring, determined to find the best mate for them and their unborn children, requires them to look a little bit deeper for a worthy husband or sex partner. This is where we men have to put ourselves in the shoes of our "customers" if we want to sell our "product."
One evolutionary scientist, Dr. David Buss, did a study of over 10,000 people in 37 countries, on six continents, and found that women value men based on three big things: ambition, status, and financial resources. Similarly, relationship expert, Andrea P. Roberts, suggests that women determine a man’s worthiness based on 3 "T’s", or "takais," a Japanese word that represents good qualities: education level, physical height, and salary level. Quite a bit deeper than having a nice ass and big breasts, isn’t it?
Okay, some of you may be thinking: Well, I’m not tall, and I’m not rich. Now what?!?
The good news is, height and wealth are only things that women pre-qualify men on; it’s not the be-all and end-all of attraction. It’s similar to saying you want a really expensive car…but that doesn’t mean you’d never drive a Honda. As Roberts writes, "even an ordinary man doesn’t have to be exceptionally rich or powerful to make women want him. It’s all a matter of the women’s perspective if he ends up taller, smarter or wealthier than them."
Got that? It’s all about perspective: how you market yourself successfully to a woman. Hey, lots of people know that Apple computers are better than PC’s, but that doesn’t seem to stop Microsoft, does it? So if you’re short, or of average income, but present your positive traits in the right way, it won’t matter: you’ll become the Windows of the male market! As Roberts writes, "Think of Napoleon, Mickey Rooney or Groucho; they are humorous, artistic or politically powerful men who wooed women into their beds and, horizontally, the height issue wasn’t a factor. Polite and persuasive persistence is the best trait."
So what we have are five areas that we must appeal to if we want to spark an initial attraction from women. After that, it’s up to you to show what a great guy you are: let her know you’re special, unique, one of a kind. That’s what ultimately separates the haves from the have-nots. Even good-looking, tall guys will strike out if they lack other qualities women look for, such as humor, courage, and love.
So don your thinking caps, guys: It’s time to think like marketers and adopt the 5 things women immediately look for in men!
1. Ambition
From an evolutionary stand-point, this one makes complete sense. Think cavemen and cave women in the Stone Age, with some of the weaker cavemen seeking a higher station in the power hierarchy. Who do you think the cave women went for? The men who hobbled along meekly in the bottom of the order…or the men who strived for more and sought a higher place in the pack? Much of a woman’s desire to be with a man who is ambitious and seeks success, is based simply on survival: The more powerful the man, the more likely she’ll survive and live well. From a logical standpoint, going for a guy who has no ambition means she’s likely to live in poverty and struggle. Not too appealing, is it? You can’t really blame females for thinking like this; no one wants to stay at the bottom of the pack living in misery.
So you have to present yourself as a guy who’s not satisfied with his station in life. This is good for both you and her. If you’re making $7 an hour at the gas station and are content to stay there, not many women are going to be attracted to you. But if you’re making $7/hour and working your ass off to become an owner of a gas station, taking business classes at night so you can learn how to run a business: well, suddenly you’re not so bad-looking! Believe me, women will give men a chance, they want to–as long as they see potential. If you’re headed somewhere, they’ll deal with the short-term struggles knowing that you’re on a path to greatness. More importantly, by being ambitious and aiming for more, you’re helping yourself out. It’s a win-win situation.
2. Status
Again, evolutionary hardwiring makes women naturally attracted to men of high status; it’s very much a comfort and survival issue. High status=good living for herself and her children. Fortunately, projecting high status does not have to be difficult; according to Roberts, "Wearing the right clothes, especially nice shoes, can go a long way toward portraying wealth. Taking on the unshaken or unworried attitude of wealthy men can project affluence. Hesitant, irresolute, bland men come across as having lower incomes and being less reliable." Got that? You don’t have to be a powerful, articulate man yourself–you just have to project similar qualities.
Some of these qualities include:
* Not putting yourself down. Without being a braggart, talk positively about your accomplishments, job position, and possessions–even if they’re not much. If you treat things as a big deal, other people will, too. Conversely, if you downplay your accomplishments and character, women will, too. Your attitude is contagious, so remember to paint things in the right light.
* Act confidently around women. Don’t let women assume a higher status than you. Show them that YOU are the one with higher status. You can do this in a number of ways, including not acting impressed by a woman’s beauty or career (say, she’s a model); teasing her about her clothes or makeup; and asking her to buy you a drink. Chances are she won’t, but just by acting like you deserve it, you raise your status! She’s not such an untouchable goddess in the end.
Remember, as well, that women want to EARN a man; they relish the challenge of luring in a winning catch. So play hard to get: talk to other girls, say you’ve got to be leaving just when things are going well, don’t immediately ask for her phone number. If you act like a man who can have his pick of women, then chances are, you will!
* Knowing people of high status. This is a great one. Get to know the people of power: the club owners, bartenders, maitres’d. Position yourself as a sociable person who’s in the know. When a woman sees you getting special treatment and chatting with high-status people, she’ll see right away that you’re someone of importance. It will also reduce the importance of the other factors, such as height, money, and ambition; immediately you’ve proven yourself valuable.
* Wearing nice clothes. "When a man is well dressed," writes communications expert, Leil Lowndes, "it signifies his ability to provide for her offspring." You don’t have to be rich and powerful to wear nice clothes. You just have to show that you’re a man of quality, a man headed towards somewhere who pays attention to dress (something women cna never get enough of). Formal clothes, such as a suit, convey that you are serious about success; you desire good things. So just by wearing a nice sports jacket, dress shirt, and slacks, you let a woman know you’re a man with status. You’re a man who could provide for her and her children.
Colors in clothing and jewelry are vital: Studies show that red, burgundy, and black clothes convey high status. So get yourself some nice black suits or formal wear, a red shirt, and one of my favorites (and girls’!), a sleek burgundy button-down shirt. They all convey regality and strength. In the case of red, you have the added bonus of sexuality, power, and dominance: definitely good qualities to portray! Go and purchase a nice red polo shirt, or red tie for your suit.
If you enjoy white clothes–the color of purity and cleanliness–then make sure you work on your TAN. White clothes against a dark backdrop make you look exotic, sexy, and well-travelled. You don’t have to be an jet-setting playboy, to look like one!
* Winning body language. Women judge men by the way they move and position themselves; it’s part of their superior communication skills to know what a man is thinking or feeling based on his body language. So, position yourself in the right way: don’t slouch, sit upright, gaze at her knowingly, lean into her to initiate intimacy. I’ve got a great column on body language that will teach you the right ways–and the wrong ways–to project high status.
3. Financial Resources
According to Matthew Fitzgerald, author of "Sex-ploitation," "Studies with college coeds show that when shown photographs of men dressed in high-status uniforms (suits, ties, expensive watches, etc.) and low-status uniforms, these women would be significantly more willing to enter into relationships with the more expensively-attired males regardless of the man’s physical appearance. To a woman, attraction is simple: green is very good-looking."
Okay, so not every guy has money for expensive suits and watches, and materialism may not be part of your game. However, if you want to impress women, one of the fastest ways is by wearing snazzy clothes, sporting nice shoes (girls LOVE shoes!), and driving an expensive car. Especially when it comes to designer brands, women are VERY keen at spotting high-quality products. It’s just part of their nature; with expensive possessions come high status and ambition, and a more comfortable lifestyle. Again, this all comes from their instinctual drive for survival and prosperity for themselves and their children. By owning the best, you become the best. At least on the surface.
For guys who don’t want to live such a shallow existence, never fear. As Roberts writes, "Remember; money is just an energy that represents some emotion for women. Money is equivalent to affection, and perhaps gives them a sense of freedom, security and power. You can substitute money for feelings. For example, if she likes the freedom she gets from having money, you could ramble around in a motor home on hardly any cash and she’ll be happy." In the end, it’s comfort that women want, and money can only give so much of that. I know many women who passed up on pretentious, wealthy men for ones who weren’t rich on possessions but wealthy in love and care.
Ultimately, if you want true love it’s up to you to find women who share the same goals and values. If money and status aren’t the most important things in life for you, don’t chase the girls who do prioritize those things. Don’t go for the shallow, bitchy types who only judge a man by how much he can spend on her. Read my blog on choice to gain a greater understanding of the importance of choosing only women who fit YOUR purpose, direction, and values.
4. Educational Level
Knowledge really is power, and on top of that, it’s an aphrodisiac! Gone are the days when being smart was acquainted with being a nerd; now, knowledge and intelligence are your friends. It’s the easiest way to money, and the easiest way to success. So show it off a little. Let her know your TALENTS, your interests, your areas of special knowledge. As Roberts writes, "Women are drawn to experts like…Bill Gates and Chris Rock because they’re experts in their industries." Neither of those guys is particularly good-looking, but they’re good at what they do, and parlay their knowledge into success, which drives women wild.
A guy who’s an expert is one who is clearly successful and of higher status. At the very least, having a special knowledge means you have the TOOLS for success, and can provide intellectual stimulation for a girl (which, unless she’s a bimbo with an IQ of 70, is quite important for women). Additionally, just being in school is a great way to show off your knowledge: "If you’re in school, not only are there more women available, but you’ve already demonstrated to them that you’re getting educated. Otherwise, it’s up to you to come across as reliable and credible without making her feel dumb."
5. Physical Aptitude
Physical height alone is an easy way to catch a woman’s attention, but it’s not the only thing. Again, evolutionary mechanics come into play here. A man who is tall, strong, and athletic is more likely to fend off threats to the woman and her children. He is also more likely to have a strong immune system, which will further aid their chances of survival. So, you can’t blame women too much for valuing these things: in the world of female attraction, it really is a survival of the fittest. Those who show women they are in shape and healthy are much more likely to survive the dating game! Ergo, athletes, bouncers, firemen get the girls.
What does this mean for guys who aren’t very fit or tall? It means, for your benefit, you should get in shape. Build some muscles (you don’t have to be a bodybuilder to look good), improve your heart-rate, learn how to defend yourself with a martial arts class or boxing. A guy who women think can protect them and pass on good genes to their children, is an attractive one.
As for height, it’s all a matter of perspective. We’ve all seen short guys with tall beautiful women. Neil Strauss himself, the best of the best pickup artists, is just 5’6" yet gets more beautiful women than we can imagine. How? By believing in himself. By positioning himself as a man of high status. By not bowing down to women of greater height or beauty. And by being a guy women know is fun and energetic to be around. In short, he’s got INNER GAME, and when you have that down, nothing can stop you. You may even find yourself dating women who are taller than you!
But remember, presenting a man who’s healthy and strong, willing to stand up for himself and the girl in a fight: that’s the kind of guy who women will go for, regardless of height. Did you know that men with strong immune systems give off pheromone scents that women are instinctually attracted to? If you pay attention to what you eat and go to the gym on a regular basis, you’re going to build your immune system up, and attract women without even trying! So do it, and watch the number of dates you get, soar.
In the end, men are like books: women judge them by their covers, so it’s up to us to show them what’s really inside. Make your cover captivating, and you’ll become a "best-seller" in no time!
