"The world is full of suffering.  It is also full of the overcoming of it."

-Helen Keller 

What did we learn from 9/11?  That no one is safe from terrorism?  That the human heart is capable of everything from sick, hateful violence to brave, loving care?  That New Yorkers, when tragedy hits, aren’t such rude dirt bags after all?

For me, the biggest lesson applies to us men in particular.  It’s about how important it is for us to be able to stand by our loved ones and provide a strong shoulder to lean on when the going gets rough.  You may not be a fireman, but that doesn’t mean you can’t save lives.  For while it may be too late to save the lives of the people who perished in that horrific attack 5 years ago, it’s never too late to save the lives of people we care about TODAY: with our words, our actions, our sympathy, our presence.  In a way, we can all be heroes, if we just show enough love to those we care about.

The person I cared about most at the time of 9/11 was Veronica, my girlfriend of seven months.  She actually worked as a hostess in Windows on the World, the superb top-floor restaurant of the North Tower with unparalleled views stretching from Manhattan to The Bronx, from New Jersey to Long Island.  In fact, we had eaten at "WoW" together just two nights before the event that changed the world.  I had actually been campaigning for weeks to have dinner there on one of her rare days off, so it’s funny, and a bit frightening, that we made it there just in time.

It also made the fact that the Towers fell all the more devastating.

Like nothing else, losing the Towers devastated Veronica.  In an instant, she lost her workplace, her friends, her memories, her life.  Everything and everybody were all gone, never to be seen again.  No matter how hard she might have tried otherwise, her life was, indeed, changed forever.

At a catastrophic moment like this, where do you see love?  All Veronica saw was hate.  And life without love is a very scary thing. 

Veronica was definitely scared at that time, and in the absence of the love that the Twin Towers represented to her, her heart was dealt a severe blow just as powerful as the fatal impact from the two planes.  She was severely depressed for months, and there was no escaping the gloom: The punctured skyline of The Big Apple reminded her daily that her friends, workplace, and old life would never return.  More and more she became a different person, one who weakened under the impact of the horrific loss.

I remember being jealous of the firemen and policemen who got so much attention and honor for saving lives and rushing into certain death on that fateful day.  But when Veronica’s own heart fell like the Towers themselves, I knew the time had arrived for ME to be a hero of my own.  It was time for ME to show her the only thing that could heal her broken heart: love.

While Veronica’s sadness didn’t magically go away, she was grateful that I was there to listen and understand the pain she went through.  I’d spend hours just talking and listening to her, and it got her through each day, albeit with difficulty.

Finally I convinced her to take a break: she should go to her native Peru to get away from it all.  She quickly agreed that that was a good idea, and it was.

I visited Ronnie down in Peru, and she really was a happier person.  Travelling all the way to South America was a good get-away for her, and one that brought the joy back to her scarred psyche.  We both had a good time down in Lima; it was a nice, remote break from a city that was still reeling from the attacks.  She was starting to see hope again.

Then she came back to New York, and everything went back to the way it was before–only worse.

Flying into JFK Airport, seeing the skyline in the distance without the Towers, was a swift reminder to Veronica that she couldn’t run away from her problems.  They were here to stay.  And realizing that was like yet another blow to her already fragile heart.  In the next few months, Ronnie went from depressed to suicidal.  She had already had some family problems and a nasty break-up before she met me, and nobody besides me seemed to have the time or the heart to listen to her problems.  Now she felt like life wasn’t worth living.  The attacks on New York and the U.S., were also an attack on her very existence.  She just couldn’t bear to go on.

Once again I realized that if I were to be a hero, I had to be strong to see Veronica survive.

I wouldn’t let her quit on life.  By reminding her of her strengths, sharing my love, listening to her woes, and being there when she needed me (oftentimes at 3 or 4 in the morning!), I helped Veronica get back on her feet.  I showed her that there WAS life after 9/11, that as horrific as it was, it was our job as strong citizens to bounce back.  We owed it to our nation, and we owed it to ourselves, to not let the terrorists win the battle to destroy our will.

Change didn’t come overnight; in fact, it took more than a few months for Veronica to even enjoy going out again.  The first anniversary of 9/11 was her biggest challenge, but she passed with flying colors; she didn’t return to her suicidal ways.  By seeing love and knowing someone was there who wanted to see her get through it all, Veronica became stronger.  Life after September 11, while sad, didn’t have to be a defeat; by bouncing back, it could be an inspiring victory.

Now, after lots of healing and effort, Veronica’s back to her pre-9/11 self.  Even though we broke up a couple years ago, we’re still good friends.  She’s a joy to be around, and even a joy to talk to over the phone and on the computer.  She credits me with saving her life, and that alone makes me want to ensure that she never falls again.

In the end, Veronica’s path to life after 9/11 taught me the biggest lesson of all.  Just because you weren’t a fireman or policeman rushing into the Twin Towers on that solemn date, doesn’t mean you can’t be a hero.  Go out, TODAY, and tell your brother, your sister, your parents, your girlfriend, your wife, your friends, how much you care about them.  Give them a shoulder to lean on.  Listen when they cry.  Stand by them.  You may just save a life…and that makes you a hero.

It’s easy for us men to think that women won’t go for us unless we have a special talent.  But as Erika Jong said, "Everyone has talent.  What is rare is the courage to follow the talent to the dark place where it leads."

It’s true: we all have talents.  Think for a moment about a talent you may have.  It could be anything:  

• You know how to play billiards really well 
• You can speak a foreign language (even if not fluently)
• You know how to fix cars
• You know some magic tricks
• You can do really good impersonations
• You know how to play an instrument
• You’re really good at your job
• You can cook a great plate of lasagna (or any dish, for that matter)

Don’t discount anything.  In my audio series, "The Art of Impressing Women," I detail some great ways to impress women, and one of the most important ways to doing this is to not only have, but DISPLAY, a talent–no matter how marginal it may seem.

One of my favorite "guy" movies is "The Tao of Steve," which shows how Dex, a fat guy with no aspirations, easily gets hot, gorgeous women.  How?  Simply by following the 3 rules of the Tao.  They are:

1. Eliminate your desires.
2. Do something excellent in her presence, thereby proving your sexual worthiness.
3. Retreat, for as Heidegger said, "We pursue that which retreats from us."

Or, to put it more simply:

1. Be desireless
2. Be excellent
3. Be gone

Dex’s talent was that he knew how to cook a really mean lobster dish; thus, he fulfilled the second rule.  He knew one thing, and he did it well.  In the process, he followed the first and third rules of the Tao by not being overly eager to impress the girl and get her phone number, and just after he impressed the girl with his talent, he would be gone.  After cooking for her, he would say, "Well, I gotta get ready for bed."  She would beg him not to go, thus de-powering herself and em-powering Dex.  And he would say, "Well, I guess I could stay a little longer."  And you can guess where it went from there…

So, like Dex, you should aim to be excellent at something, all while "holding the cards" to a woman’s heart.  Does that mean you have to know how to cook gourmet meals or buld your own motorcycles from scratch (a la American Choppers)?  Hell no!  It simply means you have to find within yourself that one talent, that one skill, that separates yourself from the rest of the male pack–and use it to your every advantage.

I’ll give you an example of how to do this.  His name’s Jared, and he’s not the most talented person in the world.  Like Dex, he’s not exactly a man on a mission; he plays lots of video games and watches lots of TV.  Yet somehow he’s never lacking for female companionship.  Why?  Because when he goes out and meets girls, he does something that amazes them: he’s taught himself (proving that great talent does not have to come naturally) some really impressive card tricks.  That’s it.  Jared’s not an athlete, he’s not a gourmet cook, he’s not a guitar player.  He just taught himself how to do some cool magic tricks, and does them so well that girls are naturally attracted to him.  It works!

But does Jared go out of his way to show off his skill?  NO.  Actually, what Jared does is act really easy, really casual, ask the girl lots of questions about herself (first rule of the Tao: be desireless), then wait til there’s a pause in the conversation to ask, "Hey, you wanna see something cool?"  The girl will say yes, and he’ll tease her: "Oh, too bad.  You’ll have to wait til later."  This is what I call "curiosity building," and it’s a proven girl getter.  Stimulate her curiosity, hold her at bay, and she’ll not only become more curious in your talent, but more interested in you. 

So Jared will string the girl along for a while, then say, "Fine! Fine!  I’ll show you the stupid trick," with a grin.  This changes the game so that the girl has become the chaser, Jared the chased, and he is able to "placate" her with his trick. 

What Jared does, in essence, is follow the first rule of the Tao to the T: he acts truly desireless.  He turns the tables on girls so that THEY seem like the ones filled with desire, not him.  In making them more desirous than him, he becomes more empowered and, of course, more attractive.  It’s truly brilliant stuff.

On top of that, once Jared has impressed the girl, he makes sure to follow the third rule: RETREAT.  He strings along the girl for so long that she can’t help but be attracted to him.  And just when she’s realized that she’s met a really great, talented guy, he says, "I have to go," or, "Hey, my buddies are waiting for me."  By doing this, he ensures that the girl needs him, more than he needs her.  In the process, she’ll give him her phone number and ask him for a date, in a desperate attempt to see him again.  He expertly becomes the pursued, not the pursuer–now that’s a magic trick!

This is all part of the art of impressing women, an art that takes time to master but once you’ve done it once, the next few times are easy.  Naturally, it does require that you actually show the girl your talent in action, of course; saying you’re a great cook and then not being able to describe what you do accurately, or not be able to cook for her at all, will only make you look foolish and lose the girl quicker than you say, "Gone." 

But now, as a single guy or a guy looking for a new relationship, you have the chance to work on the skills you have, however small they may be, and do something truly magical to impress women.  Look at your time of single status not as a loss, but as an opportunity, to become a truly one-of-a-kind guy.

And once you’ve figured out what your talent or talents is, make the most of them.  Learn how to lead girls along with your talent;like Jared, create opportunities out of them.  If you know how to cook, ask the girl what her favorite plate is.  Say she answers, "Penne a la vodka."  You should respond, "Really?  Wow, that’s cool, because I make a great dish of Penne a la vodka."  She’ll naturally want to see how you make it, so you can answer, "Yeah, it’s too bad I have to be leaving, you won’t get to try it just yet."  Don’t ask her to come over to your house to try your cooking–instead, be desireless and retreat.  Make HER ask to come to your house or apartment to try out your cooking.  That way you’re making HER the desired one, and YOU the empowered one.  And when you "hold the cards," you can get anything you want.  ANYTHING.

It’s all about learning your talents–and knowing how to use your talents.  No less an authority than Benjamin Franklin said, "Hide not your talents.  They for use were made.  What’s a sundial in the shade?"

Online dating is a multi-million dollar business, but for my money, I’d rather meet girls the natural way: out and about, in real-life situations.  Not the bar, not the club.  Just natural, fun ways that get both of you participating and talking about common interests and acquaintances.  

Think that’s not possible?  Au contraire. There are LOTS of great places to meet girls that don’t involve shelling out $75 a night for drinks or $30 just to get into a club. I met my girlfriend of the last two years on a tour through Berlin, and I know another guy who met his wife in his economics class. In both cases, we guys didn’t EXPECT anything to happen, and that was key. Remember, when you’re not looking, that’s when girls tend to show up!  Expect the unexpected.

Besides this fact, girls LOVE to have a romantic story about how they met you. Believe me, they’d rather say that they met you in a one-in-a-million chance encounter in Paris than in a club, dancing to raunchy music. You have to appeal to their romantic sensibilities. Just look at all the Hollywood movies, like "Sleepless in Seattle", where girls meet guys on the radio, on the Empire State Building, in places you generally WOULDN’T EXPECT TO MEET.

It’s a fundamental rule: Girls don’t want the everyday, the routine, the expected. They want the unexpected, the unlikely, the unbelievable. They want something special they can tell all their friends, and that’s why looking—or rather, NOT actively looking—outside the regular venues is a winning idea.

So what are some places I recommend for meeting the love of your life? Well, of course you can’t HAVE the attitude that you’re looking; just play it cool, and be patient. I recommend the following five places:

Abroad. While travelling solo can work, it’s even better to go on a tour.  Instant access to lots of girls travelling alone (or with a friend), and wanting to find a man of their own. Tours are GREAT ways for meeting chicks. And no matter where you’re from, there are SO many benefits to going to a country carrying a foreign accent.

At work. I ONLY recommend this if you are not in the same exact office together; you need some distance between you in case things go south. NEVER go for a girl who works 5 feet away from you; it will just create too many problems. My best friend’s messy relationship with an office mate proves this!  But I dated a girl who worked in another department, and the break-up was fine; no messy office problems, no anxiety in the workplace. So if the attraction is there, right along with the distance, work offers a bounty of potential mates.

Evening Classes. Doesn’t get much easier than this. Social network? Check. You’re in the class, you get to know people, you’re all it in together. Something in common with the girl? Duh. Double check! Easy conversations—talk about the class, your dreams, what you’re doing here, etc. There are many other advantages, as well, but I think you can see how classes are a great way to find a girl. The best ones are those that only last 5-10 weeks—that way if you do go out with a classmate and things go sour, you won’t have to see her for long afterwards!

Through friends and family. In a "Sex in America" study, it was found that roughly two-thirds of the marrying couples met through mutual friends, coworkers, or family members. Never underestimate the value of using your friends, family, and even work acquaintances and classmates to find you a special someone. The best example I can think of is my good friend Rick, who met his wife through mutual friends. The two have been madly in love for 6 years and married for just over one year, and it’s still going great. Clearly there is value in using your "human resources" to find a girlfriend, or even wife.

Random places.  As you know from my blog on Expectations, often the best relationships are created when you’re not looking. For example, on a night when I wasn’t even on the prowl, I met a girl I would date for two years while waiting for the NYC subway! And I met another girlfriend on a bus in Australia. You may only meet her for five minutes, but big things can happen from small moments.  Life is crazy, so embrace the unpredictability of it all!

This should help all of you out there wanting to know how and where to meet more women.  Good luck, and remember: the less you look, the more you find!  Go to one of these places relaxed and not desperate, and you may not even have to look.  Your dream girl might just come and find YOU.

Up until a few months ago, I always looked at "alpha males" in completely negative terms.  I saw them as pretentious, obnoxious, cocky and arrogant.  The only reason they got women, I thought, was because women are lame, dense, and go for pricks.  The alpha males’ success has nothing to do with them, I said, and everything to do with nice girls, going for bad boys.

But over the last few months, my attitude has changed.  I’ve actually found that adopting an "alpha attitude" is crucial towards attracting women.  In fact, the guys who do best with women aren’t necessarily jocks; they’re just the ones who are assertive, ambitious,  confident and clever: in short, they are decidedly alpha.

What transformed my perception?  Well, it was a best friend who taught me–man’s best friend, to be exact.  My attitude changed as a result of none other than learning about dog training.  Alpha-dog training, to be exact.

Here’s what I discovered: As dogs today are still pack animals, with the same instincts as "a pack of wolves," it’s important for dog owners to behave like the "Alpha", or leader, of the group.  In the wild, dogs would follow a structure, and in the absence of a solid "alpha" leader, the "beta’s" and "omega’s" of the pack would rebel.  So as a dog owner, if you don’t make it clear to the dog that YOU are the leader–by eating first, going through doorways first, etc.–it’s all over from there: these wolf-like creatures are going to do the complete opposite of what you tell them to, and even become aggressive and untame. 

Sounds kind of like what happens if you let girls run all over you, doesn’t it?

However, if you are firm and consistent in asserting yourself as the Alpha of your dog’s "pack" (ie, the family household), he will respect you and do what he or she is told.  You’ll avoid so many problems, just by taking the time to show a dog that YOU are the boss.

Because, much like women, dogs WANT someone who’s in control.  They don’t wan’t to have take up the role of leader themselves.  They’ll actually love you more when you walk around with pride and confidence.

There’s more we can apply to female attraction from alpha dog training.  When a low-ranking dog rebels against the "top dog," successful dog trainers do the same things alpha wolves do in the wild: they ignore the dog for a couple days, until it comes back apologetic and willing to do what it is told.  If the dog acts well upon return, he is rewarded and given the socialization and attention he needs.

As you’ll learn below, you can use this same principles towards ladies you meet at a bar or club.

Of course, you can’t go overboard.  A dog that obeys out of fear does not behave as well as a dog who behaves out of respect.  In fact, it’s been found that being too assertive and physical with a dog will only lead to aggressive and reckless behaviors.  So it pays to be firm, but not brutal.  Just like with the ladies–you want to be confident and assertive, but not arrogant and mean.

Here are some more benefits to carrying "alpha attitude" around the ladies:

* By asserting yourself as the leader–someone to be respected, not feared–you gain people’s respect. As I said, females don’t want to have to adopt male leadership themselves; they just want to be around someone who’s not afraid to be a stand-up, assertive kind of man.  But let me be clear: women don’t want an insecure guy who feels he has to act macho and sexist to get his buddies’ approval, like so many jocks, but a guy who naturally acts confident, and expects people to show him respect.  That’s what you’re aiming for, and that’s what women who are worth your time want.

* Conversely, by being the "follower" instead of the "followed," people, especially girls, will treat you as what you present: someone who’s not a leader, someone who’s NOT confident, tough, and full of power; in short, someone who’s not full of value.  You get what you give, so it’s up to you to GIVE a lot!

* When a girl, particularly one you’ve just met at a bar or any social venue, treats you with disrespect, it’s up to you, as the "alpha male," to ignore her.  Shut her out, move on, and she’ll eventually come back to you the same way a dog would: with her tail between her legs, apologetic, and hungry for your respect.  But don’t address her until you’re sure you have her respect, otherwise you’re allowing her to "move up the pack," which, as with dogs, will only create future problems. 

This actually goes to show why guys who ignore girls, get more than those who dote on them and act needy.  It’s all evolutionary.

* Conversely, when a girl treats you well, gives you love, and yes, does as she’s told (though I’m not suggesting you guys bark out commands!), you must treat HER with respect.  This especially applies to girlfriends, but also a girl you’ve only known or dated shortly: Show your thanks, show your appreciation, the same way an alpha leader would display love and affection upon a well-behaved canine.

* You can even apply the alpha dog training to dates.  Since the alpha leader eats first, chooses what to eat, and eats the biggest portions, YOU must decide where to eat on a date (don’t let her choose the restaurant!), you mustn’t be afraid to eat first (although social conventions do dictate that we must wait for both our plates to be served!), and you should get the best bites.  If you’re splitting a piece of cheesecake, for example, don’t be afraid to dig in and get the best portion!  The girl will actually respect you for it, much more so than if you bashfully gave up the best piece to her.  Again, retain your position as the "top dog."

* Finally, you have to show that you’re an alpha not just one-on-one, but also in groups.  An alpha wolf doesn’t gain his position by submitting to others in the pack; he asserts himself in front of others and makes it known that he’s the leader.  That doesn’t mean you treat your buddies and strangers like crap; it just means you don’t let them push you around.  In short, you must be what the guy I think has the whole "alpha attitude" down pat, Carlos Xuma, calls "being a stand-up guy."  That means standing up for yourself , AND standing up for your girl, by not taking crap from anyone.  You don’t have to be a jock to let people know they can’t push you around.

Quite the contrary.  Xuma knows that in order to be big, you’ve gotta THINK big, and he does this himself by adopting alpha characteristics.  What are some great alpha characteristics?  In his Secrets to Becoming the Alpha Man course, Xuma rattles off a number of them, including being:

– Clever/smart/cunning
– Ambitious
– Excited
– Honorable
– Dominant (not aggressive, but demonstrating superior social skills)
– Stable
– Fit (healthy lifestyle)
– Curious
– Balanced
– Natural

Doesn’t sound like you?  No worries.  With Xuma’s course you can learn how to NATURALLY become the leader.  It all starts with attitude.  Carlos teaches some fascinating, real-life subjects like:

I highly recommend trying Xuma out.  You can start with his free mini-course and newsletter, and see how you like it.  I personally find it fascinating and down-to-earth gritty. 

In short, it pays to be alpha.  The best part is, You don’t have to be a football player to do it.  The lasting reward is feeling good about yourself, and getting the girls all the other alpha males get.  What’s wrong with that? 

It’s a question every guy asks himself, every guy struggles with at some point or another, every guy desperately wants to know the answer to:

WHAT DO WOMEN WANT?

The answer isn’t easy to come by.  There are as many answers as there are types of women: young, old; fat, skinny; talkative, quiet; beautiful…not so beautiful.  They all want different things, different men for their different personalities.  It’s enough to drive a man crazy!  We want to know so badly what it is women desire that Hollywood addressed the age-old question with the movie "What Women Want" (which, I’m embarrassed to say, I enjoyed). 

So, surely…there must be something ALL women want?

That’s the good news: There are certain qualities every woman can appreciate.  And as men, that’s what we need to focus on most.  Not on what we THINK they want, but on what we can KNOW they want.  Maybe we think being 6’5", wealthy, and jacked like a football player is what every woman wants, but (thankfully) it’s not.  Only certain women want that, and the groupies who only want a millionaire athlete on steroids usually aren’t even worth your time. 

It’s better to focus on the girls YOU really want: the girls who make you feel good, and make you a better man.  Empower yourself with a sense of choice, so that you don’t waste your time (and theirs) hitting on girls who don’t fit with your personality and purpose.  The great news is, if you can provide the basic qualities that all women REALLY desire, then getting the girl of your dreams will be easy!

So let’s look at some things we can safely say women want in a man–regardless of his size, regardless of his looks, regardless of his wealth.

1. A demonstrative value.  That is, women want to know that their man is someone other women would want.  They want a certain "gotta have" quality about their man.  This is why, when we go out with a girlfriend, women give us looks and always seem more interested.  It’s annoying but true: the easiest way to get a girl, is to have one already!

Naturally, that doesn’t mean that you should be hitting on girls when you have a girlfriend.  No way!  But when you are single, it’s important to know how to show value.  I’ve got a great lesson on this in my e-book that will show you everything you need to know: how to make her laugh, how to show a talent, and how to make sure she never leaves you. 

There’s so much to learn, but in short, you want to be a guy girls love to be around, and that other girls want to have!  If you don’t feel like you’re there right now, do your best to be a fun-loving guy who people enjoy being around.  Be quick with a smile, and quick with a joke.  Even a guy who smiles a lot can be someone girls want.  Who doesn’t enjoy being around someone who’s happy, who lifts the mood of the room?

2. A man who needs her…but not too much.  This can greatly value from girl to girl, but basically women DO want to feel appreciated.  They just don’t want to be obsessed over.  Guys, show interest in a woman, and make her feel beautiful and wanted…but don’t slave over her and make her feel like you can’t live without her.  That’s just pathetic, and drives women away.

I wrote a blog on how women want to feel needed.  Check it out now if you want to find out how to show your woman the right amount of love.

3. A feeling of security.  Women want to feel safe with a man.  They want to know that everything’s gonna be all right.  This doesn’t mean you have to be huge and strong, or have millions in the bank.  It just means you have to talk reassuringly to her, look after her safety, and assure her when she needs it that things are going to be OK.

It also means coming to her protection, when she needs it.  If someone is being a jerk to her, stand up for her.  If she’s being threatened, fight for her.  Let her know that you will fight for her, and nothing will get in your way. 

One of the best ways to make her feel confident that you will protect her, of course, is to be…

4. A guy who’s in shape.  Okay, I said that you don’t have to be a professional rugby player to attract women, but that doesn’t mean you should let your body slide!  Part of a woman’s evolutionary mechanism says that a man who is strong will protect her and the children, as well as produce strong children.  Likewise, a man who is weak will produce weak children, and not be able to protect the family as well (if at all)  It may occur subconsciously, but it’s there. 

So show her your value by being a guy who’s well-built, healthy, and athletic.  Join a gym, not just to get women but to improve your health and the way you see yourself.  Join a martial arts class–who doesn’t like a guy who can kick some ass?  You’ll feel better about yourself, making it easier to pick up girls, and her mating drive will only naturally attract her to you. It’s a win-win situation!

5. Someone who’s not boring.  Doesn’t matter how good looking you are…if you bore a woman to tears, she’s not gonna stick around–or even give you a chance, for that matter.  Be someone who smiles.  Someone who’s quick with a laugh.  Someone who doesn’t take life too seriously, who lets loose.  That shows a lot more value than a guy who’s stiff and serious–even if he is good looking or wealthy.  Believe me, there are lots of guys who have money, who have good looks–but are single, because they’re dull and not fun to be around. 

6. Someone who’s good with her friends.  You’ve seen it at bars: girls always look to their friends for their approval.  Get their friends’ approval, and you get the girl’s approval.

Oftentimes it’s actually best to concentrate on getting to know the girl’s group of friends before you spend time talking to her.  If you can make her friends laugh and enjoy your company, getting the girl you want will be a piece of cake!

I really like this piece of advice from Joseph Matthews, aka Thundercat, author of The Art of the Approach, in his free e-newsletter: "Meeting women when they are with their friends is WAY easier than waiting for when they are alone!  This is because women with friends feel safe and relaxed, so their defenses aren’t up."

Furthermore, he warns that you’re not doing your chances any favors by waiting til she’s alone: "If you wait until she’s by herself to meet her, you’re walking into a situation where she’s going to be WAY more defensive than usual."  So learn to be sociable, and just have fun with her friends!  If you can make them enjoy your company, getting your "target’s" approval will be a piece of cake.

This is also where it’s good to go with girls in the same social network as you…you already have the approval of mutual friends.  The book, Sex in America, says that 60% of married couples meet through friends, work, or mutual activities.  For more information on using networking to your benefit, click here. 

Finally, the trait all women REALLY want: 7. A man with a purpose.  Believe me, women don’t expect every guy they meet to be worth hundreds of millions of dollars, have more power than the mayor, and be more handsome than Brad Pitt.  They don’t expect you to be wildly successful.  But they DO want you to be headed towards success.  They DO want you to have direction.  They DO want you to be living up to your potential.  And those aren’t bad expectations to have!  Remember, "Behind every great man is a great woman."  You may not be at the top just yet, but as long as you’re heading there, with goals in life, you’re bound to attract women.  And more importantly, reach your own personal success.

I highly suggest you read "The Way of the Superior Man," by David Deida.  It details the importance of having a life purpose, both for you and for your girlfriend or wife.  The book also explains the very important idea that if someone doesn’t fit into your purpose, or detracts you from it, then she isn’t worth your time.  As I said above, don’t just go for any old girl: go for the ones who fit YOU, and who make YOU a better person.  That’s what we men should really want!

I hope all of this advice helps you out as you seek to improve yourself and attract the women who matter to you.  Remember that it isn’t important to know what the bimbo who wants to spend all your money wants: it’s important to know what women who want to be with you want.  Empower yourself by being choosy, and you’ll be sure to attract the woman who’s right for you. 

Finally, for more information on attracting the specific women you really want, check out my e-book and audio series.  Thanks for reading!

Ever heard of Chanel?  The monster perfume and cosmetics brand?  Its founder said something fascinating: "In order to be irreplaceable, one must always be different."

You don’t create value by being like everyone else, by doing things everyone EXPECTS you to do. 

You become extraordinary by doing things that AREN’T ordinary.  Just ask the guy Marie-Claire Magazine calls "The World’s Greatest Pickup Artist".

The first time I heard of him was when I read Neil Strauss’s The Game.  He sounded like a true character, a man larger than a life, a guy who lived for the spotlight.  And who truly enjoyed the company of women.  I wasn’t sure his stuff could work; it sounded so out there, so crazy, so…unique.

Kind of like the man himself.

Yup, Mystery really is just that.  He’s unusual.  He’s controversial.  And he’s one of a kind.  Remember my lesson on doing the unexpected?  Going against the grain?  Surprising women?  Mystery does all that.  And that, along with so many other reasons, is why HE gets the girls.  He doesn’t do "conventional".  Not even part of his vocabulary.

So is it any wonder girls love him? 

It really does pay to be different.  Look at all the things Mystery does that are counter-intuitive–the opposite of what we men normally do, and women normally expect.  Normally, we men just go up to a girl and start talking.  We don’t project value. 

But not Mystery.  He doesn’t go for normal routines.  He shows girls he’s worth being around by demonstrating his talent, via magic tricks and illusions.  Stuff that most people can’t do…or don’t bother to do.  Most guys think their looks and machismo will get them girls, but most of the times, it doesn’t. 

Mystery isn’t most guys.  What 95% of the guys–the "majority"–don’t do, he does.  So what if it makes him part of the minority?  The minority win!

A lot of guys show their interest in women right away.  They fawn over a hot girl, and stay around way longer than they should.  But Mystery, as always, does the opposite: through his "negs" and Artificial Time Constraints, he limits the amount of interest he shows (even going so far as to tease and ridicule girls) and the limit of time he spends around them.  As this is the opposite of what girls expect, it’s no wonder they themselves fawn over Mystery!

And there’s more: Most of us let our lack of Hollywood looks get to us.  Not Mystery.  He knows he’s not great looking, and celebrates it.  He paints his nails.  Wears platform shoes.  Doesn’t style his hair like all the metro’s out there.  In other words, he does the opposite of what girls expect.  And when you go against what a girl’s brain expects, you literally create chemistry between you–her brain sends out chemicals that are pleasing.  She releases pheromones.  In other words, SHE BECOMES ATTRACTED TO YOU.

All because you were different.  And in being different, you become irreplaceable.  Just like Chanel…and just like Mystery.

Just listen to his students.  For those of you who heard the newsletter interview with my good friend Mechanic, his students will testify to the greatness of Mystery’s patented "Mystery Method" greatness.  The guy teaches you in person, in "the field" (ie, bars and clubs with lots of women), how to approach, converse, and flirt with women.  He’ll get you from the point of first meeting to the point of physical contact, in just 7 hours–sometimes less.  As dubious as this might sound, my friend Mechanic, and so many other guys, have testified to its verity.  It’s completely different than anything else they’ve learned–and that’s why it works.

So what can we get out of this?  There IS hope out there for all of us: the shy, the fearful, the ones who are worried that we’re "not like everyone else".  The guy who will teach you how to get the women you want, isn’t like everyone either.  He’s unconventional.  Unique.  Not the same old, same old.

But then, when has being the same old, same old gotten people like Mystery anywhere? 

There’s nothing worse than being in a slump. 

Or so they say. 

I’ve been there, chances are you’ve been there, and I have a good friend who’s there right now.  It’s affected just about every guy, and is the ultimate discouragement in our pursuit of women…if you let it be.  For all its negative undertones, being in a slump doesn’t have to be the worst thing ever.  There are actually benefits to taking a timeout from girls, and the sooner you see these benefits, the sooner you’ll actually get out of your drought and into the female zone you’re seeking.

The first step out of a slump is to BELIEVE that you’ll get out of the slump.  May be harder than it sounds, but believe me, it’s crucial to adopt that mindset.  The guys who are quickest to get out of a drought are those who don’t throw a pity party for themselves, who don’t flee back to their ex’s in desperation, and who remain focused on the other parts of their life, the parts that will attract women to them in the first place: work, sports, friends, etc.

My friend Sal is in a slump for the first time in a while.  He dated one girl for 5 full years, and now that he finally broke up with her, he doesn’t know what to do.  It’s been about a month, which is a lot shorter time period than a lot of guys I know who have been through the same, and he’s already getting cranky, depressed, and tempted to go back to his girlfriend, despite the fact that he knows she’s not right for him. 

But in situations like his, you have to HOLD YOUR GROUND.  Yeah, it blows being in a slump when it seems like no girl is into you.  It’s frustrating as hell not getting any love or sex for a long stretch.  But you know what?  It’s also rewarding, which brings me to my next Slump Salvation tidbit:

Use the free time you have with no girlfriend or booty call to improve yourself.

Sal doesn’t seem to be doing this.  He’s wasting lots of time going online, searching for girls he miiiiight be able to get a date with (I’m no believer in online dating), and groveling over how he can’t seem to get a girl, even when it seems like she’s interested in him.  He’s giving women power over his life, making it seem like having one is the sole purpose in life, instead of empowering HIMSELF and going on living with a purpose that isn’t women-related.

As I’ve said so many times before, the funny thing about not looking for a girl is that THAT is when you are most likely to get one.  So instead of wasting hours on end looking on MySpace or Lavalife or whatever other dating sites you may use, and beating yourself up for being single, get on with your life!  Show women that you’re a fun guy, a man in control of his own destiny.  The great thing about being single is that you have the time that you wouldn’te when you’re with a girl, to learn new things that generally impress girls: how to cook a great meal, enjoying sports and getting in shape, travelling wherever you want and opening up to new things in life.

A lot of guys stop learning, stop opening themselves up when they’re with a girl.  They become complacent, oversatisfied, content that now that they’ve found a girlfriend or wife, as if they’ve reached the top of the mountain.

Nah.  Doesn’t work that way.  Having a woman is only one piece of the pie.

In fact, when you stop exploring life and committing yourself to new things, that’s when a girl often loses interest.  She sees that her boyfriend or husband has settled down and has become boring.  Things don’t change, when girls often like change and new things.  And often, that’s exactly when a woman leaves a man.

The time you have alone is your time of preparation, of becoming an exciting person.  I, for example, was definitely not ready 10 years ago for the relationships I have been in over the last five years.  I used the time in my teens and early 20’s to build myself up and find out who I was and who I wanted to be.  Since I took the time to find MYSELF, to build up my character and personality, it was no wonder that I was subsequently able to find girls, in return.

If you’re in a drought, don’t think of it as a bad situation–see it as a good one.  You’ve already taken the time to read this column and sort some things out, and that’s an awesome start.  Learn everything you can, do everything you have time to do.  Remember that there’s probably a good reason you’re single right now; perhaps it was meant to be and it’s your chance to learn more about yourself and what it is you really love.  Not every girl is made for every girl–there’s a special girl (or girls) out there just for you, but you have to build up your identity and purpose before you can find her.

Once you get a good understanding of your purpose in life and what you want to do with it, you’ll find that you enjoy things more.  If your goal is to become a successful business owner who travels the world, use your free time now to determine how you’re going to achieve that goal, and go on doing it.  Hunker down to build that business, and use your free time to see the world (you’ll probably meet a girl while travelling).  I guarantee you that once you have a path, an understanding of what your life is about, girls will begin to enter your life.  You’ll be having so much fun doing what moves you, what fills you up, that you won’t even be searching for women.  But as I said before, that’s exactly when they show up.

So remember, believe that you’ll get out of the slump, use the time that the slump affords you with, and you’ll go from bust to boon in no time!

In my previous post I talked about how girls are more inclined to give off, and notice, body signals than guys, and are ALWAYS looking for signs from us guys, as well.  Since then a lot of guys have been asking me what we men should do for body language, so this column will give you the answers.

You have to remember that whatever you say, however you gesture your hands, arms, head, and eyes, women are NOT taking your movements at face value.  If she jokes with you and you lightly push her away as if to say "Stop", she’s taking that simple gesture as something more: interest, dis-interest, enjoyment, annoyance–any of a million different signals.  She’s reading it for further suggestions as to what kind of guy you are, and what your interest in her is.  Know that with body language, girls are always reading the way you move and act!

Here are my "Lucky Seven" best ways to show interest:

1. The confident eye gaze
2. The "Dale Head Drop"
3. Smile!
4. Open body language
5. Lean in to her
6. Thumbs in belt
7. Touch her

Let’s look at each in more detail:

1.  The confident eye gaze

This is how you start your interest.  Nothing shows confidence off the bat like meeting a girl’s eyes, and KEEPING  YOUR STARE.  If you see her look down and smile, you know you’ve made it and the time to approach is now.  If she looks away from you but doesn’t smile, give her a shot nonetheless; just the fact that she met your eyes for a second or two shows interest.

2.  The Dale Head Drop

So named after the guy who mastered the art of getting women rushing to his side, just with a simple shrug!  If you really want to blow away a girl–and show some balls–meet a girl’s eyes, then knowingly drop your head to the side, as if to say, "Hey, you know you want me.  Come over here and get me!"  I’ve found this to work incredibly well in foreign countries.  In the States, the girls tend to be able to see through it a bit more–but it still works!

3.  Smile!

It’s often overlooked, but nothing communicates happiness, confidence, and interest in a girl all in one like a nice big smile.  Show the girl you’re in control, show her you’re confident, show her you’re a fun guy to be around: brighten the place up with a big smile!  And if your teeth need work, then get them fixed!  It’s good not just for your chances of meeting a girl, but also for your health and appearance!

4.  Open Body Language

So many guys walk or sit with their arms crossed, their legs close together, and their faces anxious and flat.  Stop that!  Welcome a girl into your world: Have your arms open and leaned back, your legs open and relaxed, your face warm and inviting.  You’ll not only attract yourself into a girl’s world, but also into the world of people at a party, club, or bar who can help you meet a future girlfriend–or even wife!

5.  Lean in to her

As you’re talking to a girl, especially while seated, show her your interest with confidence by leaning in closer.  You don’t want to be a creep, of course, but you can generally tell by a girl’s body language and talk how interested she is in you.  If things are looking good, show her your control of the situation–and interest in her–by leaning in and generally getting closer to her.  Leaning back does the opposite; it shows you’re unconfident and not overly interested.  Not what you want to communicate.

6.  Thumbs in belt

Ever put your thumbs in your belt, with your hands at your hips’ side?  This is processed as a sign of being confident in one’s sexuality and size.  So if you’re standing around at a bar or club and want to convey confidence, this will certainly be understood by girls! 

7.  Touch her!

Yup, nothing gets you closer to a girl than physical touch.  Great conversations and emotional/spiritual chemistry are great, but if you really want to take it to the next level, you’ll have to eventually show some balls and touch her.  I’m not talking about grabbing her and making out (unless it really is going that well and she’s flirting out of control!), but doing little things: brushing your arm by her shoulders, lightly massaging her, leading her by the arm to another location in the place.  By making a physical connection, you’re giving her a sign loud and clear that you’re confident in yourself and interested in her. 

No one can deny that body language plays an important role in catching girls’ attention–and noticing it.  A lot of attention has been paid to how we men can flirt better with women, but don’t forget knowing when THEY are flirting at US.  So many times we miss out on a potential mate because we don’t notice that’s she interested in us.  With that said, here are some common body language cues women give off.  Keep your eyes open–and your body ready.

BAD BODY LANGUAGE

1. Not making eye contact with you—looking around, eyeing her friends, looking anywhere but at you

2. Legs crossed—always a bad sign.  This means she’s closing herself off to you

3. Arms crossed—This can convey annoyance and impatience.  Definitely a bad sign.

4. Hands on her hips—This can also convey impatience.  Not looking good.

5. Leaning backwards—It’s much better when a woman is leaning towards you.  If you notice her leaning away from you, keeping her distance, it means you’ve gotten too close for her comfort and she’s not that into you, at least at this point.

6. A weak handshake—Do you shake a girl’s hands when you meet her?  If you do and notice that hers is weak and she is quick to take back her hand, then she’s not very impressed.

GOOD BODY LANGUAGE

1. She looks down when you see her and smiles–A very good sign.  She’s shy but wants you to come over to talk to her.

2. She’s twirling her hair around–Definitely into you.

3. Licks her lips–unless you can tell she’s screwing with you, this is a very good sign!

4. Open legs–Open legs, open mind.  She’s open to hearing more from you–and who knows what else.

5. Sideways glance–The classic Hollywood flirtation, this is a coy, seductive way of showing her interest

6. Fondling a cylindrical object (cigarette, glass, etc.)–VERY good sign!  And a hint of what she may have in mind for later on in the evening…

7. Fondling her shoe (shoe is slight off her foot, twisting her foot in circles)–This is that classic shy signal that girls use to display interest.

8. The "leg twine"–one leg pressed hard against the other to give the appearance of high muscle tone–very good sign

9. The head toss–If she tosses her hair back over her shoulders, this is definitely a good gesture.

10. Exposed wrists–If she’s interested in you, she will gradually display the smooth, soft skin of her wrists to a guy she’s interested in.  Wrists are actually considered one of the more erotic areas of the body–so if she’s showing you this sexual area–go for it!

Hopefully you can put some of these lessons to use right away.  Good luck, and stay tuned for Part 2, when I’ll show you how to send off some body language signals of your own to women you’re interested in. 

If you want to show true love, sometimes it pays to be needy.

Not in the high-maintenance, I’ll-kill-myself-if-you-leave-me kind of way.  I’m talking about making your girlfriend feel like she completes you, that she’s everything you’ve always been looking for.  I’m talking about giving a girl the knowledge that she’s special, incredible, Numero Uno in your life.  Sometimes, the greatest gift you can give your lover is to tell her you NEED her.

I learned this the hard way with my girlfriend.  I bought her lots of presents, surprised her with nice gifts.  But it wasn’t enough; she told me she wasn’t sure I really loved her.  So I took her out to eat, wrote her nice poems and cards.  She appreciated that, but was still not sure she meant everything in my life.  Presents and nice meals were nice, but what she wanted more than anything was to feel appreciated, to feel wanted, to feel NEEDED.  You can’t put a price tag on that sort of feeling, but I can tell you it’s worth more than any expensive gift. 

More than anything, my girlfriend wanted to hear the words, "I need you."

Of course, it’s not always easy to say those words.  We fear that we’ll appear too needy, too emotional.  You’ll know based on your girlfriend just how much she needs to be needed; for some girls, their "love language" isn’t so much words of appreciation as gifts or acts or service. 

But EVERY girl likes to be appreciated.  It’s like Chris Rock says: "There are only three things women need in life: food, money, and COMPLIMENTS!"  So sometimes you just have to compliment your girl and let her know that you appreciate her.  You can say, "I don’t know what I’d do without you," "I’m so glad you came into my life", and just explain how different your life would be without her.  It may sound like gushy romantic stuff–and sometimes it is–but believe me, you’ll be amazed by the difference in your girlfriend when she feels valued.

Ever notice how your girl (or wife) acts moody for no reason, snappy for who knows why?  A lot of times it’s because she doesn’t feel appreciated.  She feels like she could leave your life, and you wouldn’t even notice.  So she acts bitchy and moody, and you can’t stand it. 

But when you let her know you NEED her, let her know you WANT her in your life, you’ll be amazed by how much happier and giving she is.  As I always say, you get what you give.  If you’re not giving her the love and attention she needs, you’re not going to get it in return. 

Guys who keep their girls feeling loved, who let them know that they are the most important thing in their lives, don’t have as many problems with their women.  They have girls buying them things, doing them favors, showing them love like never before.  It’s great, and proves one thing:

It’s good to be needy.