"The Approach" is one of the most popular subjects discussed in the online seduction scene.  It’s no wonder: How well you approach a girl, especially one you really like, will make or break the rest of the relationship.  In fact, a relationship doesn’t exist if you don’t know how to talk to a girl from the very beginning.  You can be the best guy in the world, a guy girls can only dream of—but if you don’t know how to make an impact and create a memorable impression, well, you’ll never talk to anyone. 

But there’s another approach that’s not discussed nearly as much by relationship experts and bloggers, and yet it’s just as important–maybe more important–as the step-by-step process of talking to a chick.  I’m talking about your approach to life–your mental handle on what comes your way, good or bad.  Because if you don’t know how to deal with rejection, anger, feelings of inferiority–all those negative feelings we all get at one stage or another–then your chances of dealing with women are going to be, well, nil.

Let me ask you something: What do you do when a woman doesn’t want to talk to you?  Do you go back to your friends, bitch about what a cow that girl was, what a crap bar this is, sulk all night?  Do you send out negative vibes to people, so they don’t even want to talk to you because you’re so pessimistic?  Do you vow never to talk to girls again?

Or do you take rejection in stride?  Do you look at the girl as a challenge, at acceptance as something that wasn’t meant to be?  Do you see the bright side in not talking to the girl, as an open door to talking to someone better?  Do you tell yourself, "Hey, it’s okay, her loss" and move on to the next girl, talking to her with energy and positivity?

Believe me, the second approach is a lot better than the first.  Not only for yourself personally, but for your chances…women will see a LOT more in someone who’s handled rejection well, who picks himself up and moves on to the next challenge, than in someone who quits, someone who bitches about life.  Girls don’t want quitters, they don’t want guys who air dirty laundry and complain about everything.  Doesn’t matter how good-looking or rich you are; eventually your negative approach to life is gonna cost you. 

What all girls want is a guy who’s determined.  He may have dealt with rejection, may have tasted defeat, even failed a number of times–but it doesn’t get to him.  He plows on.  He BELIEVES IN HIMSELF.  That’s the kind of attitude EVERYONE wants to be around.  It’s a tide that lifts all boats.

Next time you go out, try to present an approach to life that says, "I love a challenge, I love talking to girls, bring it on!"  Watch as your positive vibe is rubs off on people.  I always say, Enthusiasm is contagious, so if you’re making people feel better about themselves and improving thier approach to life, you’re gonna reap the rewards.  Your social network is gonna explode.  Guys are gonna wanna hang out with you, GIRLS are gonna wanna hang out with you.  And when you’ve got friends, even simple acquaintances, you’ve got people who really want to see you succeed.  They’re gonna be on the lookout for you; they’re gonna want to help you find a great woman. 

Give it a shot.  When you’re energetic and cheering people up, people want to hang around you.  GIRLS will want to hang around you; you’ll find you don’t even have to try!  It really can be that easy.

All it depends on is your approach to life.

Now…how are you gonna deal with a challenge?

It seemed like there was no chance this marriage could go wrong for my friend Sal.  He was in love with this gal.  Mary was THE one.  They had only dated for 4 months, were only 20 years old, and neither had ever lived with a partner before, but still it felt meant to be.  Sal had never dated much, in fact had some difficulty getting any girl to date him.  But Mary had seen something in him, and that was all he needed.  He wasn’t going to be lonely for the rest of his life, something he had always feared.   This marriage was going to last forever.  He knew it.

Well, that’s what Steve thought he knew.  But it only took 9 months before Sal and Mary bitterly ended their train-wreck of a marriage.  What had seemed like a perfect union when he proposed, became a perfect disaster in less than a year.  A year earlier they had talked of love, and within a year they talked of hate and bitterness.  Sal couldn’t quite figure out what went wrong, but to me it was immediately obvious: He went for the first girl who gave him a chance.  Because he didn’t want to be lonely.  And he didn’t think he was good enough to get anyone else.

Funny thing is, like so many other people who rushed into marriage to avoid loneliness, Sal got exactly that.  And when he marries again, it’s probably only going to be worse.

Did you know that divorce rates are actually HIGHER for those in a second or third marriage than for those in their first marriage?  Why is that?  How can a man or woman who’s already been divorced possibly want to go through another?

The reason begins with choice.  Or the lack thereof.

A big problem for us men is not having enough choices in women.  Some of this we can’t control, such as if there are a disproportionate number of men to women in our area.  Or if there just aren’t many young women in your town.

But usually, the problem is self-inflicted.  We just go for the first women who seems crazy enough to hook up with us, and enter into a long-term relationship with her because we fear we won’t get anyone better.  We doubt the power that’s within us.  That was the case with Sal.

But that attitude isn’t fair.  Not to you, and definitely NOT to the woman.

Think about it.  If your woman went out with you just because she was afraid she wouldn’t be able to find a better man, would you call that love?  Hell no.  It’s more like desperation.  And yet there are millions of men who have this desperate kind of thinking.

The good news is, It doesn’t have to be this way! 

If you decide what it is you really need in a woman, then you won’t go into a relationship with a girl if she doesn’t conform to what you need.  If you can’t stand a woman who’s a neat freak, don’t let a realtionship with someone who’s like that last.  If you like privacy and she needs to be around you every second of the day, spare BOTH of yourselves lots of heartache.

The key is to know what you want, and to actually be PICKY about it.  Even if you’re having trouble getting women, entering into a relationship with a woman just because she’s willing to date you, is a recipe for disaster.  It’s also the reason there are so many divorces–divorces like my friend Sal’s.

Relationship expert Ken Kenny puts it best: "The more a man can come from a place of choice…two things happen, #1, the higher quality women he will attract, and #2, the more likely the relationships will last, because he won’t rush into something that isn’t ideal."

What I love so much about that quote is its self-empowering nature.  It tells us men that no matter how desperate we are, the power lies within us to get what we want.  And by believing in ourselves, by being choosy, we actually will get what we want.

So guys, don’t just go for anyone.  KNOW who you want, and even if the woman is beautiful, don’t let her get away with unacceptable behavior.  If your woman drives you crazy, and you can’t fix the problem, then GET AWAY.  Don’t let the relationship decay any further.  Have the courage to go for someone who’s more like you, who can give you the REAL love you need.  Because if you don’t want to be alone, it’s better to be choosy and find true love, then go with the first girl you get, and find true heartbreak.  Just like Sal.

You know that Coca-Cola slogan, "Always the real thing"?  It doesn’t just apply to soft drinks.  It also applies to relationships. No matter how many dating seminars you attend, how many books you read, or how many seduction services you subscribe to, none of the lessons are gonna matter if they don’t fit with YOUR personality. 

In his interview with dating guru DeAngelo, relationship expert Carlos Xuma says, "I feel like an idiot if I’m just reciting somebody’s regurgitated lines.  I have to make it personal to me."  I think a lot of guys can relate to that. 

So you have to make your approach, your style, personal to you.  But you also have to make it personal to a woman.  Xuma makes the excellent point that if you use standard, recycled lines on a woman, you make HER feel standard and recycled, as well!  It’s as if she’s a carbon copy of every other woman who’s been branded with the cow-poke of pick-up lines.

Treat her specially, like someone unique, and she’ll treat YOU as someone special and unique, as well.

But how can you expect her to respect you, if you disrespect her by treating her like all the other woman out there?  There’s the failure of overused pick-up lines: They’re not original.  And they’re usually not part of who YOU are. 

As Xuma points out, in deciding how to approach girls, sometimes the best "style" is actually no style.  Don’t do what works for other guys; do what works for you.  I hope that the methods I teach in "How to Be Irresistible to Women" will work for you.  In fact, I’m confident they will.  But if they don’t fit your personality, then don’t use them!  Instead of prescribing to just one method–or worse, to ALL of them–try to use pieces of each of them, until you’re totally prepared for anything.  It’s nice to have a Plan A, but having a back-up Plan B, C, D, and E is even better!

Xuma suggests being like Bruce Lee, who didn’t just one martial art style for himself, but a collection of various ones.  In the end, when he became a star, Lee didn’t practice just one style; he practiced so many, that he didn’t really have any one style.  He just did what fit him.

So it should be for you.  You should be the Bruce Lee of relationships!  And, just like Coca-Cola: "Always the real thing."