It sucks being alone on the holidays.  I’ve been there, perhaps you’ve been there (or are there now), and you probably know someone else who’s been there.  More than any other time in the year, it’s when you want to have someone special by your side.  It’s when you want to share the festive holiday spirit with someone you care about.  And it’s when a little physical intimacy will keep you both warm from the chilly night air…

Not there yet?  Well, it’s never too late to kick-start your romantic life.  If you’re serious about finding the girl of your dreams TODAY, then why not take advantage of the festive holiday spirit?  There are so many women out there who want a man by their side for Christmas and New Year’s.  YOU can be that man, if you’re willing to do what it takes to up your attraction meter.

The question then, is, What can you do to attract women in such a short amount of time?  How can you ensure that you find someone in time for the big celebrations December 25th and 31st?  Here are five great places to go to find women–and what to do when you meet them:

1. Throw a Holiday Party. This is a great way of attracting women. If there’s one thing that gets women emotionally and physically excited during the season of good cheer, it’s a man who surrounds himself with people during a festive time. It gives them the security that this man will show them a good time, and surround her with people so that she’s never alone.

An important lesson to remember with women: They need to have someone for special times like Christmas–even more than you! No woman wants to be alone, so by asserting yourself as the man who has lots of people around him, you automatically establish yourself as a desirable candidate. You tell her that if she hangs around you, she’ll never be alone.  Additionally, by throwing a fun, happy party, women automatically associate the positive vibes from the holiday season with YOU, and when you create that kind of emotional arousal, anything can happen.  It’s all about creating emotions in women, which I go into much detail in in my audio course.

So invite everyone you can think of–your friends, family, co-workers, acquaintances–to a holiday get-together. Make sure they invite someone.  Play some festive holiday music, have some holiday treats ready (cookies, eggnog, candy canes, etc.), and even dress up as Santa. Even better, REQUIRE women to wear a Christmas costume.  The naughtier they are, the better!

Have a "Naughty" and "Nice" list, and promise the girls a good spanking if they’re naughty. It may sound sexist, but believe me, women LOVE this: it allows them to be loose and have fun, something they’ll forever connect with you. Mix charm and attitude, and you surely won’t be alone that night or any other.  If things go well, you can always invite the girl to be "Santa’s Little Helper"…

2. At Stores and Malls. Hey, unless you’re the type who buys all your presents online, chances are you’re going to have to visit some stores to buy your loved ones some gifts.  And when you go to the mall, the department store, or even the little boutique, chances are you’ll see some attractive females while you’re there.  So take advantage of this!  It’s the one time in the year when you can get away with talking to complete strangers: women are in a festive mood and much more open to conversations with people they don’t know.  So take advantage!

Possible openers include: "Man, do you hate Christmas shopping as much as I do?", or if you want to neg a little, "Oh no, please!  Don’t tell me you’re buying someone THAT!"  Challenge your target a little bit; make her have to defend herself.  This, again, gets her emotionally aroused–even if it’s a negative emotion–which she’ll forever connect with you.  By saying something more than a compliment, something that forces her to respond, you create a literal chemical attraction:the emotions swirl in her brain, and she forever has an imprint of you that matches her to those emotions. 

So be ballsy and show that you’re not too interested, even a bit offended by her: "Wow, that <item> would be a great present for somebody who’s blind" or "Phew, I’m glad I’M not the person you’re shopping for!"  She may act offended, even a little angry, but if you stick to your guns, you’ll be conversing in no time and offering her someone who’d be fun to hang around during the holidays.

3. Spread Some Holiday Cheer on the Dance Floor. Teasing is a great way to show you don’t take girls too seriously. Dancing is a great way of showing you don’t take life too seriously. Even if you suck at dancing, the fact that you go out there and have a good time will impress women big-time. They love a man who can have fun and enjoy the holiday season. Going out there and having the time of your life dancing shows a woman that you will show her a good time during the cheery season. And in the end, that’s what they really want. So have fun, loosen up, and ask a woman to dance. If she sees you’re having a good time, believe me, she’ll want to join you–in more ways than one. Seriously!

4. Talk to Miss Lonely. While at any party–your own, a work party, a club-hosted holiday party, whatever–be sure to take advantage of my old "Love Actually" lesson: NOBODY wants to be alone during the holidays! So if you see a girl standing/sitting by herself or looking miserable at a holiday party, be the "knight in shining armor" who goes up to her and cheers her up. Tell her a joke, comment on the party, even tease her with "C’mon, it’s the Christmas season, you can’t possibly be sitting here all by yourself!" Women love a man who cheers them up, and if you can take her from a negative state of mind to a positive one, believe me, she won’t forget that. Just be the man who lifts her mood, and you’ll be sure to see her again.

5. Use the Mistletoe/Midnight! Finally, never underestimate the power of the mistletoe and the strike of midnight on New Year’s. Both are amazing props for setting up a first kiss. They work especially well with women you’ve had at least a few minutes of quality chat with.

You won’t want to use the prop right away–build up the suspense for an especially good kiss–but once you sense things are going well, "conveniently" position yourselves under the Mistletoe. Don’t even hide the fact that it’s an obvious ploy; play it up: "WOW, we’ve somehow managed to land ourselves under the mistletoe. How did THAT happen?" or "Well, congratulations, you’ve managed to trap me under the mistletoe.  I knew you were trouble." Believe me, if you add enough humor and charm–and you don’t need a lot to succeed–then women will be glad to comply.

And more importantly, you’ll have a very happy holidays!

Of course, if you’re truly serious about making sure this New Year is better than all the other ones, make a commitment to changing your life NOW.  Don’t resolve to make just the first few weeks better…make EVERY day a winning, successful one.  Do it with my special "How to Attract Women" course, yours for less than the price of a night out on New Year’s!  It’s all available, for instant download, NOW.

Ever since I took over for How to Be Irresistible to Women, I’ve wanted to give men around the world something great.  Something special.  Something they can’t find anywhere else, that gives them everything they could possibly want to know about how to attract beautiful women, all in one place. 

Well, after months and months spent with some of the best pickup gurus out there, researching the best information available, and interacting with some of the most gorgeous women around the world (the best part!), my dynamic interactive audio course is here.  And believe me, it gives a totally new meaning to the word "premium."

Over 5 hours of complete, comprehensive audio lessons designed to take you through the entire process of attraction-building, dating, sexual intimacy, and relationships: from building confidence in who you are, and successful social interaction skills, to the first date, passionate relationships, and beyond. 

It’s your one-stop shop for everything: developing an identity you can be proud of, attracting women no matter where you go, getting more dates and knowing what to do on them, and building the CONFIDENCE and SECURITY in yourself to attract women without even trying!  Because you WILL become that good.

There’s no other product on the Internet like How to Be Irresistible to Women PREMIUM, and there won’t be another one soon.  This course will allow you to listen to over 5 hours of audio lessons whereever you want, whenever you want: at home, in the office, on your I-Pod, ANYWHERE.  

And most of all, it won’t cost you an arm and a leg to buy it!  Because I want as many guys as possible to have the best information available, I’m offering my new course for a very, very low price.  Not $3,700 like some gurus charge.  Not even $150 like some gurus charge.  Not even $60 like one well-known guru charges! 

Just by being a subscriber to the How to Be Irresistible to Women Newsletter Series, you’ll get exclusive information about special discounts and bonuses that we’ll be featuring on a regular basis.  So make sure you sign up to the e-newsletter (sign-up box on the right) if you haven’t already…you might just be selected for a special discount!

I’ll be keeping you up to date with the latest information and news.  

PS–Remember, the website for the new and improved PREMIUM course is here:

http://www.000relationships.com/towomen/

Now it’s YOUR turn!

“The truth is rarely pure and never simple.”

                   -Oscar Wilde 

Trust and honesty are two things that are talked a lot about in relationships.  Certainly, a strong relationship is one in which both partners communicate in an upfront and honest manner. 

But sometimes, the truth is the last thing your partner wants to hear…and it can get you into a lot of trouble!

Let’s look at some topics you never want to talk about with your girlfriend, fiancee, or wife!:

• Never talk about physical intimacy you had with ex’s.  Nothing will get you into more trouble than giving too many details about your ex’s.  Your lover may ask you about how it was…but don’t give her the answer!  Simply move the conversation along to other topics.  You can do this by teasing her and complimenting her simultaneously, making the whole question look silly: "What?  Are you jealous?  C’mon, you know you’re the best, why do you even need to ask?"
• Never talk about your partner’s poor finances. This is a big no-no, an absolutely big mistake.  Even if you’re paying for everything and your girlfriend doesn’t make nearly as much money as you do, don’t make the mistake of saying you pay for everything and contribute to all the purchases.  This is a quick way of getting into a big fight that goes nowhere!
• Never discuss your partner’s faults in a negative way.  Nothing wrong with letting your partner know that she’s doing something wrong or needs some help, such as if she gets boozed up every night and offends people, or is too sloppy around the house.  But bringing up your partner’s faults day in and day out, especially in a sardonic, bitter, or just plain mean fashion, will not accomplish anything.  Not only will your partner come to resent you for always picking on her flaws, but she’ll never change and very likely leave you, as well.  Girls need to be understood, not criticized.
• Never, ever talk badly about her weight!  In fact, don’t even bring up the subject at all unless you can say nice things about her, such as, "Oh, have you lost weight?" or "Wow, your body’s looking really great today!"  Too skinny, too fat: doesn’t matter.  Either way, girls will be hurt by what you say, so stay away from this topic unless you can say something positive.

Of course, there is a certain place for the truth; no relationship is complete without it.  While you shouldn’t talk about sex with past lovers, that doesn’t mean you can’t describe your relationships with her.  Showing that you have nothing to hide is a big element of trust.  Even if you had a bad break-up with a past girlfriend, it’s up to you to let your present lover know about it.  The more you hide from her, the more trouble you’ll get into later. 

So give your partner the truth–just not the painful truth.  As Pietro Aretino says:

“I love you, and because I love you, I would sooner have you hate me for telling you the truth than adore me for telling you lies.”

What makes a good date?  Money?  Romance?  Good conversation?

Those things help, but what ultimately matters is how you make a woman feel.  The feelings, the positive or negative emotions she gets from being around you, are what separate you from success and failure.  And believe me, if you can make her feel great emotions when you’re in her presence, there’s nothing to stop you from seduction and relationship success!

With that said, how do you summon good emotions into your date?  How do you make her associate a positive feeling with YOU?  How do you draw out the emotions that make a woman want to take things to the next level of intimacy and relationships?  The way I see it, there are three factors to success:

1. Where You Take Her

2. How You Present Yourself

3. How You Handle Your Date

Each of these is crucial.  You must not succeed in only one area, but in all of them.  Let’s look at each:

First is where you take your date.  The great thing about dating is that it gives you a chance to use "props" to make yourself look like a winner.  If you take a gorgeous women to a really fun place at which she has the time of her life, it’s not going to matter so much how you look, what you say, or how much money you have.  Bring a woman to a really fun place like a salsa class or theme park, and she’ll connect the positive emotions from those places, automatically, with you.  It’s a wonderful thing.

One key thing to remember is that you want to choose your date location based on the kind of things you want a woman to associate with you.  If you want her to feel excitement and energy, bring her to a carnival or theme park.  If you want her to think of you as intelligent and serious (careful with that one), take her to a play or perhaps a poetry reciting.  And if you have the time and money, and want her to think of you as daring and adventurous, you can’t go wrong with a bungee jumping or white-water rafting date!

Then there are dinner dates.  I discourage dinner dates because unless you’re a gourmand or a chef who has a passion for food, dinner dates don’t say much about you.  On top of that, they can be very expensive and yield no results.  Who wants to spend $200 on a girl only to get nothing out of it?  All she sees out of a guy who takes her out to dinner is someone who’s unoriginal and plays by the book; he’s not a risk-taker.  So try something more daring and engaging.  Something like indoor rock climbing doesn’t cost that much at all, and will yield much better results.

As Leil Lowndes, author of "How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You," writes, "someone is more likely to be attracted to another if he or she is emotionally aroused-even if the arousal does not come from the person."

Next, let’s look at how you present yourself.  Now, with this, I’m not talking about how good-looking you are to the woman, but more about how you position yourself: what you say about yourself through your clothes and hygiene.  You can’t expect a date to go well if your clothes look frumpy and your teeth have gunk in them.  But if you wear nice clothes that are clean, ironed, and a bit funky or sophisticated, then you’re communicating to women that you care about your appearances.  You give her the feeling that she’s with a guy who pays attention to appearances and wants to convey success.  A guy who wears a suit does not look trashy or poor.  But a guy who arrives at a date wearing ripped-up jeans and has hair like he just came out of bed…well, how is she supposed to feel anything other than disgust at that one?  What you wear, how you style your hair (even if you’re bald!), and how clean and fresh you come across: these are the things that INSTANTLY create emotions in women.  Make sure you stir up the right emotions!

Finally, let’s talk about how you handle your date.  That is, how do you manage the date as it moves along?  With confidence, the actions that suggest you are of high status, and a bit of cockiness…or with hesitation, treating the date with more respect than yourself, and low confidence?  To me, there are three "checkpoints" in every date:

1. How you greet your date.  Do you act like you’re lucky to see her?  Do you say, "Wow, great to see you, you look beautiful!" or something to that effect?  If so, stop.  That just make a woman think that you feel lucky to be with her.  She doesn’t want to feel like she’s with a guy who’s not good enough for her.  She wants to feel like she’s not good enough to be with YOU.  Doing little things that force her to respect you, like calling her out for being late or simply greeting her with a laid-back, "What’s up?" accomplish that.

2. How you move things along.  Nothing makes a girl more uncomfortable–and lowers her association of things with you–than an awkward pause in the date.  This doesn’t mean that you’re not allowed to let things die down a little; it just means that you have to know how to handle these pauses.  In my e-book I discuss a lot about control–how to handle situations and make the most of them.  In a date, you want to be able to go from silence one second to laughter and excitement the next.  There are many ways to do this, including teasing a girl about something or bringing up something interesting she said earlier (showing her that you listen to what she says, which makes her feel valued).

3. How you end it and set things up for next time.  Do you end a date leaving a girl wanting more?  Do you reveal everything about yourself in the first (or second or third) date, or make her curious for next time?  Do you seek validation from her…or have her seeking validation from YOU?  These are the things you want to think about…the areas that show you have confidence in seeing her again, and confidence that you can direct her where you want.

Naturally, there’s much more to a date than this.  What do you say?  What specific strategies can you employ to make her interested in more?  What are the very best places to take a date?

Fortunately, there are answers: My How to Be Irresistible to Women course.  Find it now at:

http://www.000relationships.com/towomen/

I’ve got a whole, extensive section on setting up the first date, where to go, and what kinds of actions and attitudes work towards raising the attraction levels to insane levels.  It’s all in there, along with dozens of articles that will help you in the specific areas you want to address.  Not to mention my free Members Consulation, where you can ask me anything you want about how to get the women you want.

Hey, if you’re serious about getting more dates and making them successful ones, you need look no further.  This is the place:

http://www.000relationships.com/towomen/

It’s YOUR turn.

Ever heard of David DeAngelo?  If you’re familiar with the seduction community, then you’ve probably seen his name.  He’s the "guru" behind such phrases as "cocky funny," "attraction is not a choice," and one of my personal favorites, "Different in a preferential way."  He’s also the author of "Double Your Dating," and the host of the amazing  "Interviews with Dating Gurus" audio series.  Basically, he’s a guy who’s gone from "average chump who can’t get girls" to "relationship oracle."  The big question is, Should you buy his product?

Unlike a lot of other guys out there, DeAngelo didn’t become a seduction master overnight, just by throwing tips and tricks at the wall and seeing what stuck.  DeAngelo actually took the time to get to the root of why he wasn’t attracting females, the same thing I say is the key to a man’s success with anything: INNER GAME.  As he writes, "When I made the decision to get this part of my life handled, I decided that instead of trying to start with an angle…that I would like to learn in a way that gave me power to act with just my personality and presentation.  In other words, I wanted to make this part of who I was rather than a ‘trick.’"

One thing you realized as you read DeAngelo’s book is that there is so much more to the art of attracting women than just techniques and gaming.  There’s a whole world of self-improvement and self-mastery that one needs to achieve to truly succeed with women and life.  There’s neurolinguistic programming, attitudes,
mindsets, frame control, inner states: fascinating, brilliant information that DeAngelo explains in detail.  He truly follows what I call "ABL": Always Be Learning.  By opening your mind to new things every day, you open doors to personal success and self-esteem you never knew possible.  In fact, by embracing inner game techniques, says DeAngelo, succeeding with women becomes natural for you, which is a sharp contrast to the products a lot of pick-up artists and other "experts" sell.  A lot of guys will tell you you just need to ACT alpha, or BE someone you’re not.  But that doesn’t really solve the problem, does it?  Because you’re still unhappy with who you are, and women notice that.  They’re turned off by your insecurity and fakeness.

But DeAngelo doesn’t recommend being someone you’re not; he recommends being the best person you can be.  DeAngelo dedicated himself to learning everything he can about mind frames, skills, and attitudes: the keys to success, and truly fascinating keys, at that.  He recommends every kind of motivational book from "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway" to "Think and Grow Rich," by Napoleon Hill.  This is important, because as he says, you can never know enough about success.  "Keep improving all the time, even if it’s the SMALLEST DETAIL."  There’s always something you can do better…how you respond to a female asking you for a light, how you walk into a bar, how you handle rejection–EVERYTHING.  In this book, DeAngelo takes you through some deep stuff that will truly set you up for success far beyond just female attraction, because it will be ingrained in you.  Flirting and approaching won’t be lines you have to remember; they’ll become natural extensions of your personality.

Of course, "Double Your Dating" isn’t just about mindsets and attitude: it’s really about what things turn women on, where to go, how to talk, how to react: in short, how to successfully interact with females.  DeAngelo takes you through common problems of insecurity, neediness, self-doubt, shyness, and other common problems, and specifically how to overturn them.  He tells you how to catch beautiful women’s attention by wearing the right clothes and positioning yourself the right way, what to say to bitchy women, how to reverse situations so that YOU look like the catch, and most interesting of all, the six things that attract women.

For example, one of the things women instinctually love is exclusivity: playing hard to get, already having a girlfriend, that sort of thing.  DeAngelo lists a number of ways to make yourself seem exclusive, including having snappy responses, pretending to not be interested, acting unpredictably, and really fascinating, "short-circuiting the all-annoying testing mechanism." Curious how that works?  Then definitely check out the book.

There are a lot of tips David gives that one wouldn’t normally think of.  For example, always ending conversations first.  This has two advantages: first, it says you’re not a needy guy, and you have things to do.  Secondly, it gives YOU control of every
situation.  As he writes: "If you start doing this with EVERY call, EVERY meeting, and EVERY conversation, you will be blown away by the responses you’ll get.  You’ll have women say, ‘What?  But we’re having so much fun…!’, ‘Well, when can I see you again?’, or ‘Don’t you like me?’"

It’s different stuff, but as DeAngelo says, "In the mating game, it pays to be different in an ATTRACTIVE way."  How do you do that?  DeAngelo explains in great detail how doing things like treating a bitchy women with attitude and control of the situation, instead of apologizing and obeying her commands, will set her heart on fire and instantly separate YOU from 99% of the other guys out there…even the tall, rich, and handsome ones!

Truly mind-blowing stuff.  But, is "Double Your Dating" right for you?

Besides the fascinating e-book and three free books on sex and attraction that will open your mind to areas of attraction and self-improvement you probably would have NEVER thought of before, you also get some really good audio CDs.  These are interviews with guys who have "made it," who understand the principles behind female attraction.  You get to hear big names like Style, Mystery, Carlos Xuma, and my personal favorite, Ken Kenny.  We’re talking the heavyweights of the seduction community here.  DeAngelo gives a forum for you to hear the best of the best information out there. He’s like an Oprah of the dating world!  To me, that’s a good thing that’s worth checking out for the amount of quality learning alone!

So you get the e-book, three bonus books, a free double "Interview with Dating Gurus" CD-set, as well as a free month’s subscription to the "Dating Gurus" interview series.  Not bad for just $19.97, isn’t it?

I mean, there are lots of dating books, seminars, and CDs out there. Why pick up DeAngelo’s?  Well, in the end I feel his groundbreaking self-mastery concepts and ability to provide you with fascinating advice from dozens of other gurus (even female ones!), to be the difference.  You can buy other products that will tell you what it means if a girl’s head leans to the left, and what it means if she leans to the right.  You can learn techniques that feel unnatural and forced; maybe they’ll work one or two nights.  That kind of stuff is okay, but you’ll quickly forget it and it will only really help you for, maybe, one good night.

What you really want is a resource that can change your attitudes and approaches to women FOREVER.  Not for one night of success, but for many.  You want a resource that will make your attraction skills and techniques a natural part of you, something that springs automatically from your powerful inner game.  I would say that "Double Your Dating" IS that resource.

So if you’re keen to learn more, find out how to attract women now at the Double Your Dating website.

Enjoy!

I still remember getting the call, the call I knew would come but was nonetheless shocked to hear.  My friend, Johnny, after just 10 months of marriage to a girl everyone knew was wrong for him, had gotten divorced.  Instead of becoming a happily-ever-after couple, Johnny and Marissa had joined millions of other Americans and become statistics.  Statistics of the all-too-common divorce.

It’s funny how these short-term marriages and long-term miseries occur.  Usually it begins with a bad case of "Oneitis."

Don’t know the word Oneitis?  Well, surely you know this infectious disease’s symptoms:

• You think you’ve met the girl who’s perfect for you, who you can have a great relationship with and eventually marry
• You ignore the bitchy behavior and abuse that comes from this girl, still believing that she’s "The One"
• You see and know girls who you know would be much better for you, but ignore them because the girl you’re with is better-looking, taller, skinnier–a number of superficial qualities that don’t add up to the love you know you could get elsewhere
• You spend lots and lots of money on this girl, and she never bothers to thank you–or if she does, it’s less than sincere
• Your friends all tell you that this girl isn’t right for you, but you ignore their advice
• Maybe your friends have even fought with this girl, but you defend her even though you know deep-down her behavior is unacceptable
• You spend all your time with this girl, and ignore your friends and family
• You find yourself calling her all the time to see what she’s doing, and who she’s with
• You can’t get this girl out of your head, even when she’s long gone!

If you’ve ever watched the classic film Swingers, then you know what Oneitis is: it’s the character of Mikey!

Unfortunately, a lot of guys become the Mikeys of this world.  And while some men may just go through this with a girl they’re only dating, other guys, like Johnny, take this obsession all the way to marriage.  And that’s when the "disease" becomes deadly.

How do you know when a girl is right for you?  I could write book after book after book about what’s right and what’s wrong, but what it comes down to are ten essential ingredients for lasting success:

• She supports and encourages your goals and interests.  A girl who’s right for you should follow you on your path–not try to re-direct it her own way.  Unfortunately, Johnny’s wife wanted him to do something completely different to the direction he wanted to head, so it was little wonder that their romance fizzled out so quickly.  Guys, if you can’t be open about your feelings, interests, passions and purpose, then you shouldn’t be with the girl.  She should be able to listen and understand, not disregard and sneer.
• You can accept her and her goals and interests.  Just like a woman should support and push you on the path you want to head, so too should you be able to do the same for her.  If she’s into motorcycling and you hate it, or if she wants to travel the world and you just want to stay in one place, then chances are you two aren’t made for each other.  Likewise, you should be able to understand her emotions and concerns–both of you MUST be good, compassionate listeners.
• She loves you for you, not your money and possessions.  So many rich and powerful men have destructive relationships with women.  Why?  Because the woman aren’t marrying these men–they’re marrying their money.  And divorce isn’t cheap, so even when these guys break up with the bloodsuckers, the women still get a hefty chunk of the pie!
• She generally gets along with your family and friends–and doesn’t mind seeing them.  So many guys seem to forget this, watching dumbly as their girlfriend pulls them further and further from their family and friends to have him all for her own.  I’ve got an uncle who blindly allowed himself to end all contact with his family because his wife hated them.  Somehow they’re still married, but is that the kind of woman you want to be with?
• She’s on the same page, spiritually, as you. Spirituality is a big thing for couples–it can unite them like nothing else.  I know so many couples who are happily married because they believe in the same God, the same purpose in life, the same deep feelings about their existence.  Conversely, couples who battle over the questions of life just do not have the same loving romance.  A girl who’s right for you doesn’t necessarily have to believe in the same religious principles and dogmas as you, but if she’s an atheist and you’re a Christian, things may not work out long-term.
• She wants to spend as much time with you as with her own friends and family.  This may seem like an obvious one, but so many guys fawn over girls who only see them on THEIR schedule.  If a girl is really right for you, you shouldn’t have to obsess over her or ask her permission to see her.  You should both WANT to see each other and miss being with one another–that’s a sign that you’re both in love.
• You both share the same feelings for another.  If you know deep in your heart that you want to marry her and spend the rest of your life with her, but she’s non-committal and vague, then you should certainly move on.  A true, loving partner should accept you completely for who you are and what you feel.  On the other hand, if you both feel comfortable sharing feelings with each other, and she accepts the deep things that you reveal to her, then you’ve found a true catch!
• You both make time for each other, even through work and school.  Spending quality time with one another is crucial.  If your girl is always at her job, concentrating on her career, or studying for a degree, and not making an effort to be with you, then it’s time to move on.  True love knows no bounds–including time.  While it’s great to have a girl who’s serious about her career and education, this can also be a relationship-breaker if she takes either too seriously.
• Money and possessions are not as important as love.  This is a simple one: If your girl only talks about possessions and money, if that’s where her true values lie, then you might want to back out of the relationship.  Every girl wants good things in life, but if she really loves you, then how much you make and how much you give her shouldn’t be #1 on her priority list.
• You both are able to put each other ahead of yourselves.  This can be the make or break of a relationship.  If she’s willing to do things for you, sacrifice time with her friends or time at work to be with you and make you meals, then you’ve found yourself a winner.  However, if she’s always cancelling dates, spending more time with her friends than with you, and never gets you any gifts or acts of service, then you’ve found yourself a bitch.  Move on.  When she treats herself more important than you, then you’re heading towards disaster.

In the end, you want a girl who can you be you around, and know that you’re valued by her night and day.  If you’re in a relationship now that you want to be more serious, ask yourself if the woman you’re with fulfills these 10 requirements.  And if you’re looking for love, don’t get too far into it unless you really feel that the girl treats you right.

For all of you in a marriage or just got divorced, I highly recommend you check out this great service I found over the web.  You can get free, high-quality newsletters that will tell you how to handle your marriage, or find a new one, and what kinds of signs to look out for that your relationship is on the rocks.  Check out Save My Marriage Today now.

And remember: There’s a big difference between "The One" who’s right for you…and "The One" who will become your biggest nightmare!

"The world is full of suffering.  It is also full of the overcoming of it."

-Helen Keller 

What did we learn from 9/11?  That no one is safe from terrorism?  That the human heart is capable of everything from sick, hateful violence to brave, loving care?  That New Yorkers, when tragedy hits, aren’t such rude dirt bags after all?

For me, the biggest lesson applies to us men in particular.  It’s about how important it is for us to be able to stand by our loved ones and provide a strong shoulder to lean on when the going gets rough.  You may not be a fireman, but that doesn’t mean you can’t save lives.  For while it may be too late to save the lives of the people who perished in that horrific attack 5 years ago, it’s never too late to save the lives of people we care about TODAY: with our words, our actions, our sympathy, our presence.  In a way, we can all be heroes, if we just show enough love to those we care about.

The person I cared about most at the time of 9/11 was Veronica, my girlfriend of seven months.  She actually worked as a hostess in Windows on the World, the superb top-floor restaurant of the North Tower with unparalleled views stretching from Manhattan to The Bronx, from New Jersey to Long Island.  In fact, we had eaten at "WoW" together just two nights before the event that changed the world.  I had actually been campaigning for weeks to have dinner there on one of her rare days off, so it’s funny, and a bit frightening, that we made it there just in time.

It also made the fact that the Towers fell all the more devastating.

Like nothing else, losing the Towers devastated Veronica.  In an instant, she lost her workplace, her friends, her memories, her life.  Everything and everybody were all gone, never to be seen again.  No matter how hard she might have tried otherwise, her life was, indeed, changed forever.

At a catastrophic moment like this, where do you see love?  All Veronica saw was hate.  And life without love is a very scary thing. 

Veronica was definitely scared at that time, and in the absence of the love that the Twin Towers represented to her, her heart was dealt a severe blow just as powerful as the fatal impact from the two planes.  She was severely depressed for months, and there was no escaping the gloom: The punctured skyline of The Big Apple reminded her daily that her friends, workplace, and old life would never return.  More and more she became a different person, one who weakened under the impact of the horrific loss.

I remember being jealous of the firemen and policemen who got so much attention and honor for saving lives and rushing into certain death on that fateful day.  But when Veronica’s own heart fell like the Towers themselves, I knew the time had arrived for ME to be a hero of my own.  It was time for ME to show her the only thing that could heal her broken heart: love.

While Veronica’s sadness didn’t magically go away, she was grateful that I was there to listen and understand the pain she went through.  I’d spend hours just talking and listening to her, and it got her through each day, albeit with difficulty.

Finally I convinced her to take a break: she should go to her native Peru to get away from it all.  She quickly agreed that that was a good idea, and it was.

I visited Ronnie down in Peru, and she really was a happier person.  Travelling all the way to South America was a good get-away for her, and one that brought the joy back to her scarred psyche.  We both had a good time down in Lima; it was a nice, remote break from a city that was still reeling from the attacks.  She was starting to see hope again.

Then she came back to New York, and everything went back to the way it was before–only worse.

Flying into JFK Airport, seeing the skyline in the distance without the Towers, was a swift reminder to Veronica that she couldn’t run away from her problems.  They were here to stay.  And realizing that was like yet another blow to her already fragile heart.  In the next few months, Ronnie went from depressed to suicidal.  She had already had some family problems and a nasty break-up before she met me, and nobody besides me seemed to have the time or the heart to listen to her problems.  Now she felt like life wasn’t worth living.  The attacks on New York and the U.S., were also an attack on her very existence.  She just couldn’t bear to go on.

Once again I realized that if I were to be a hero, I had to be strong to see Veronica survive.

I wouldn’t let her quit on life.  By reminding her of her strengths, sharing my love, listening to her woes, and being there when she needed me (oftentimes at 3 or 4 in the morning!), I helped Veronica get back on her feet.  I showed her that there WAS life after 9/11, that as horrific as it was, it was our job as strong citizens to bounce back.  We owed it to our nation, and we owed it to ourselves, to not let the terrorists win the battle to destroy our will.

Change didn’t come overnight; in fact, it took more than a few months for Veronica to even enjoy going out again.  The first anniversary of 9/11 was her biggest challenge, but she passed with flying colors; she didn’t return to her suicidal ways.  By seeing love and knowing someone was there who wanted to see her get through it all, Veronica became stronger.  Life after September 11, while sad, didn’t have to be a defeat; by bouncing back, it could be an inspiring victory.

Now, after lots of healing and effort, Veronica’s back to her pre-9/11 self.  Even though we broke up a couple years ago, we’re still good friends.  She’s a joy to be around, and even a joy to talk to over the phone and on the computer.  She credits me with saving her life, and that alone makes me want to ensure that she never falls again.

In the end, Veronica’s path to life after 9/11 taught me the biggest lesson of all.  Just because you weren’t a fireman or policeman rushing into the Twin Towers on that solemn date, doesn’t mean you can’t be a hero.  Go out, TODAY, and tell your brother, your sister, your parents, your girlfriend, your wife, your friends, how much you care about them.  Give them a shoulder to lean on.  Listen when they cry.  Stand by them.  You may just save a life…and that makes you a hero.

Online dating is a multi-million dollar business, but for my money, I’d rather meet girls the natural way: out and about, in real-life situations.  Not the bar, not the club.  Just natural, fun ways that get both of you participating and talking about common interests and acquaintances.  

Think that’s not possible?  Au contraire. There are LOTS of great places to meet girls that don’t involve shelling out $75 a night for drinks or $30 just to get into a club. I met my girlfriend of the last two years on a tour through Berlin, and I know another guy who met his wife in his economics class. In both cases, we guys didn’t EXPECT anything to happen, and that was key. Remember, when you’re not looking, that’s when girls tend to show up!  Expect the unexpected.

Besides this fact, girls LOVE to have a romantic story about how they met you. Believe me, they’d rather say that they met you in a one-in-a-million chance encounter in Paris than in a club, dancing to raunchy music. You have to appeal to their romantic sensibilities. Just look at all the Hollywood movies, like "Sleepless in Seattle", where girls meet guys on the radio, on the Empire State Building, in places you generally WOULDN’T EXPECT TO MEET.

It’s a fundamental rule: Girls don’t want the everyday, the routine, the expected. They want the unexpected, the unlikely, the unbelievable. They want something special they can tell all their friends, and that’s why looking—or rather, NOT actively looking—outside the regular venues is a winning idea.

So what are some places I recommend for meeting the love of your life? Well, of course you can’t HAVE the attitude that you’re looking; just play it cool, and be patient. I recommend the following five places:

Abroad. While travelling solo can work, it’s even better to go on a tour.  Instant access to lots of girls travelling alone (or with a friend), and wanting to find a man of their own. Tours are GREAT ways for meeting chicks. And no matter where you’re from, there are SO many benefits to going to a country carrying a foreign accent.

At work. I ONLY recommend this if you are not in the same exact office together; you need some distance between you in case things go south. NEVER go for a girl who works 5 feet away from you; it will just create too many problems. My best friend’s messy relationship with an office mate proves this!  But I dated a girl who worked in another department, and the break-up was fine; no messy office problems, no anxiety in the workplace. So if the attraction is there, right along with the distance, work offers a bounty of potential mates.

Evening Classes. Doesn’t get much easier than this. Social network? Check. You’re in the class, you get to know people, you’re all it in together. Something in common with the girl? Duh. Double check! Easy conversations—talk about the class, your dreams, what you’re doing here, etc. There are many other advantages, as well, but I think you can see how classes are a great way to find a girl. The best ones are those that only last 5-10 weeks—that way if you do go out with a classmate and things go sour, you won’t have to see her for long afterwards!

Through friends and family. In a "Sex in America" study, it was found that roughly two-thirds of the marrying couples met through mutual friends, coworkers, or family members. Never underestimate the value of using your friends, family, and even work acquaintances and classmates to find you a special someone. The best example I can think of is my good friend Rick, who met his wife through mutual friends. The two have been madly in love for 6 years and married for just over one year, and it’s still going great. Clearly there is value in using your "human resources" to find a girlfriend, or even wife.

Random places.  As you know from my blog on Expectations, often the best relationships are created when you’re not looking. For example, on a night when I wasn’t even on the prowl, I met a girl I would date for two years while waiting for the NYC subway! And I met another girlfriend on a bus in Australia. You may only meet her for five minutes, but big things can happen from small moments.  Life is crazy, so embrace the unpredictability of it all!

This should help all of you out there wanting to know how and where to meet more women.  Good luck, and remember: the less you look, the more you find!  Go to one of these places relaxed and not desperate, and you may not even have to look.  Your dream girl might just come and find YOU.

There’s nothing worse than being in a slump. 

Or so they say. 

I’ve been there, chances are you’ve been there, and I have a good friend who’s there right now.  It’s affected just about every guy, and is the ultimate discouragement in our pursuit of women…if you let it be.  For all its negative undertones, being in a slump doesn’t have to be the worst thing ever.  There are actually benefits to taking a timeout from girls, and the sooner you see these benefits, the sooner you’ll actually get out of your drought and into the female zone you’re seeking.

The first step out of a slump is to BELIEVE that you’ll get out of the slump.  May be harder than it sounds, but believe me, it’s crucial to adopt that mindset.  The guys who are quickest to get out of a drought are those who don’t throw a pity party for themselves, who don’t flee back to their ex’s in desperation, and who remain focused on the other parts of their life, the parts that will attract women to them in the first place: work, sports, friends, etc.

My friend Sal is in a slump for the first time in a while.  He dated one girl for 5 full years, and now that he finally broke up with her, he doesn’t know what to do.  It’s been about a month, which is a lot shorter time period than a lot of guys I know who have been through the same, and he’s already getting cranky, depressed, and tempted to go back to his girlfriend, despite the fact that he knows she’s not right for him. 

But in situations like his, you have to HOLD YOUR GROUND.  Yeah, it blows being in a slump when it seems like no girl is into you.  It’s frustrating as hell not getting any love or sex for a long stretch.  But you know what?  It’s also rewarding, which brings me to my next Slump Salvation tidbit:

Use the free time you have with no girlfriend or booty call to improve yourself.

Sal doesn’t seem to be doing this.  He’s wasting lots of time going online, searching for girls he miiiiight be able to get a date with (I’m no believer in online dating), and groveling over how he can’t seem to get a girl, even when it seems like she’s interested in him.  He’s giving women power over his life, making it seem like having one is the sole purpose in life, instead of empowering HIMSELF and going on living with a purpose that isn’t women-related.

As I’ve said so many times before, the funny thing about not looking for a girl is that THAT is when you are most likely to get one.  So instead of wasting hours on end looking on MySpace or Lavalife or whatever other dating sites you may use, and beating yourself up for being single, get on with your life!  Show women that you’re a fun guy, a man in control of his own destiny.  The great thing about being single is that you have the time that you wouldn’te when you’re with a girl, to learn new things that generally impress girls: how to cook a great meal, enjoying sports and getting in shape, travelling wherever you want and opening up to new things in life.

A lot of guys stop learning, stop opening themselves up when they’re with a girl.  They become complacent, oversatisfied, content that now that they’ve found a girlfriend or wife, as if they’ve reached the top of the mountain.

Nah.  Doesn’t work that way.  Having a woman is only one piece of the pie.

In fact, when you stop exploring life and committing yourself to new things, that’s when a girl often loses interest.  She sees that her boyfriend or husband has settled down and has become boring.  Things don’t change, when girls often like change and new things.  And often, that’s exactly when a woman leaves a man.

The time you have alone is your time of preparation, of becoming an exciting person.  I, for example, was definitely not ready 10 years ago for the relationships I have been in over the last five years.  I used the time in my teens and early 20’s to build myself up and find out who I was and who I wanted to be.  Since I took the time to find MYSELF, to build up my character and personality, it was no wonder that I was subsequently able to find girls, in return.

If you’re in a drought, don’t think of it as a bad situation–see it as a good one.  You’ve already taken the time to read this column and sort some things out, and that’s an awesome start.  Learn everything you can, do everything you have time to do.  Remember that there’s probably a good reason you’re single right now; perhaps it was meant to be and it’s your chance to learn more about yourself and what it is you really love.  Not every girl is made for every girl–there’s a special girl (or girls) out there just for you, but you have to build up your identity and purpose before you can find her.

Once you get a good understanding of your purpose in life and what you want to do with it, you’ll find that you enjoy things more.  If your goal is to become a successful business owner who travels the world, use your free time now to determine how you’re going to achieve that goal, and go on doing it.  Hunker down to build that business, and use your free time to see the world (you’ll probably meet a girl while travelling).  I guarantee you that once you have a path, an understanding of what your life is about, girls will begin to enter your life.  You’ll be having so much fun doing what moves you, what fills you up, that you won’t even be searching for women.  But as I said before, that’s exactly when they show up.

So remember, believe that you’ll get out of the slump, use the time that the slump affords you with, and you’ll go from bust to boon in no time!

If you want to show true love, sometimes it pays to be needy.

Not in the high-maintenance, I’ll-kill-myself-if-you-leave-me kind of way.  I’m talking about making your girlfriend feel like she completes you, that she’s everything you’ve always been looking for.  I’m talking about giving a girl the knowledge that she’s special, incredible, Numero Uno in your life.  Sometimes, the greatest gift you can give your lover is to tell her you NEED her.

I learned this the hard way with my girlfriend.  I bought her lots of presents, surprised her with nice gifts.  But it wasn’t enough; she told me she wasn’t sure I really loved her.  So I took her out to eat, wrote her nice poems and cards.  She appreciated that, but was still not sure she meant everything in my life.  Presents and nice meals were nice, but what she wanted more than anything was to feel appreciated, to feel wanted, to feel NEEDED.  You can’t put a price tag on that sort of feeling, but I can tell you it’s worth more than any expensive gift. 

More than anything, my girlfriend wanted to hear the words, "I need you."

Of course, it’s not always easy to say those words.  We fear that we’ll appear too needy, too emotional.  You’ll know based on your girlfriend just how much she needs to be needed; for some girls, their "love language" isn’t so much words of appreciation as gifts or acts or service. 

But EVERY girl likes to be appreciated.  It’s like Chris Rock says: "There are only three things women need in life: food, money, and COMPLIMENTS!"  So sometimes you just have to compliment your girl and let her know that you appreciate her.  You can say, "I don’t know what I’d do without you," "I’m so glad you came into my life", and just explain how different your life would be without her.  It may sound like gushy romantic stuff–and sometimes it is–but believe me, you’ll be amazed by the difference in your girlfriend when she feels valued.

Ever notice how your girl (or wife) acts moody for no reason, snappy for who knows why?  A lot of times it’s because she doesn’t feel appreciated.  She feels like she could leave your life, and you wouldn’t even notice.  So she acts bitchy and moody, and you can’t stand it. 

But when you let her know you NEED her, let her know you WANT her in your life, you’ll be amazed by how much happier and giving she is.  As I always say, you get what you give.  If you’re not giving her the love and attention she needs, you’re not going to get it in return. 

Guys who keep their girls feeling loved, who let them know that they are the most important thing in their lives, don’t have as many problems with their women.  They have girls buying them things, doing them favors, showing them love like never before.  It’s great, and proves one thing:

It’s good to be needy.