While in Christchurch, New Zealand recently (it’s "sweet as" to all you Kiwis), I read a funny article in The Press.  Just the title alone caught my attention: "If you dump a woman she hates you, OK?"  So you knew I had to read on…

Well, this interesting article, by Barbara Ellen, explains in a light but serious-enough tone the hurt that women go through when a man breaks up with them.  "If you dump a woman," Ellen writes, "however sweet she appears to be about it, she hates you [emphasis added]–do you get that?  You have rejected her, probably completely wasted her time, and you want to remain ‘friends’?  Fine, so long as you don’t mind having ‘friends’ who would happily knit jumpers with your intestines."  Funny, but frighteningly true.

Yes, for men, breaking up with women is no walk in the park.  Many times we wait ages to execute the deed we’ve wanted to do for weeks, months, even years.  We start to feel guilty, start to wonder if we really can get another girl, and most of all, start to fear that this girl could be some crazy psycho out to stalk and murder us! 

 My brother went through an episode like that–the girl he "broke up with" (it was really just more of a fling) didn’t go to bed, paced in his hallway all night, and kept him awake out of the very real fear that she could murder him in his sleep!  When women are dumped, it doesn’t matter how nice you may have been about it: all THEY see is the bad!  They go into freak mode, and there’s no stopping that.  As Ellen writes,

"Female dumpees are usually too busy in the aftermath of a dumping to sit down and think rationally about whether a man has been nice or not.  They have to get on with the really important stuff (slashing tyres, burning down houses, eventually getting arrested).  It’s a nightmare;there’s just so much to do."

A lighthearted commentary on a very serious issue.  What should we men do when we no longer feel love (or horniness) in our heart for a woman? 

Well, as it turns out, there’s actually a company in Germany called Separation Services (I’m sure the German words for it are about 157 letters long) that has made a business out of doing the dumping for US!  This is no joke: The company is run by a guy nicknamed "Terminator" (if only this were run out of Austria!) "who, for a small fee, will do your dumping for you, offering a range of services from ‘sensitive phone call’ to ‘personalized house visit’ (the deluxe package featuring a ‘detailed explanation’ about why they are getting dumped)."

Is this really how bad the dumping scene has gotten?  Do we actually need men named Terminator to do the dumping for us?  I mean, I never enjoyed dumping girls either, but I can’t see someone ELSE doing it for me!

There’s a right way and a wrong way to breaking up with a girl, and I don’t see how hiring a guy named after an Arnold Schwarzenegger character could be listed in the "Right" category. 

On top of that, I disagree with what Ellen says about remaining friends; just because you break up with a girl does not automatically mean that her idea of being friends is stalking you and vandalizing your property.  I’ve had more than a few breakups, but I’m actually still friends with most of the girls I broke up with.  Sure, this was hurt, there was anger, there were long periods of not talking to one another.

But you know what?  I did the breakup with RESPECT and HONESTY, and when you do that, it’s only a matter of time til women see that, in fact, you WERE being nice about it.  Sometimes they even thank you for it, seeing that you weren’t the right man for them and opened the door for a better one.  The same, of course, applies to us men. 

There’s actually GROWTH in dating; sometimes, all it takes is a breakup for someone to wake up and realize that they don’t need someone to find true happiness.  A breakup can lead to bigger and better things, and better people.  When people are honest with each other and with themselves, a break-up doesn’t have to lead to revenge or calling up a German dating termination service.  Instead, it becomes an opportunity, a liberation, a fresh start. 

As Ellen admits,

"It’s never pretty, but men should remember that if they dump well (kindly and with grace), it could be possible that, just a few tears and death threats later (perhaps a touch of light stalking), most women will be able to move on and rediscover the joys of single life."

Well put…but light stalking and death threats don’t have to occur.  Sometimes, a man and a woman can even put past differences and hurts aside enough to make up and start their relationship anew.  I know a few couples who have done this, and it’s led to beautiful, blissful relationships.

So, what’s the BEST way to determine if you should make up…or break up?

ANSWER: My "How to Be Irresistible to Women" course!  In my interactive audio course, yours for less than the price of a tank of gas, you’ll discover not only how to enjoy a great relationship, but how to set up future ones: ways to meet great women, how to spark emotional attractions, the first date…and getting physical.  You’ll learn 10 great places to meet women, my special "tantalize technique," how to move things to the next level, and tips for sizzling sex.  It’s all in there, and so much more.

Learn how to attract the women of your dreams NOW!

You know that Coca-Cola slogan, "Always the real thing"?  It doesn’t just apply to soft drinks.  It also applies to relationships. No matter how many dating seminars you attend, how many books you read, or how many seduction services you subscribe to, none of the lessons are gonna matter if they don’t fit with YOUR personality. 

In his interview with dating guru DeAngelo, relationship expert Carlos Xuma says, "I feel like an idiot if I’m just reciting somebody’s regurgitated lines.  I have to make it personal to me."  I think a lot of guys can relate to that. 

So you have to make your approach, your style, personal to you.  But you also have to make it personal to a woman.  Xuma makes the excellent point that if you use standard, recycled lines on a woman, you make HER feel standard and recycled, as well!  It’s as if she’s a carbon copy of every other woman who’s been branded with the cow-poke of pick-up lines.

Treat her specially, like someone unique, and she’ll treat YOU as someone special and unique, as well.

But how can you expect her to respect you, if you disrespect her by treating her like all the other woman out there?  There’s the failure of overused pick-up lines: They’re not original.  And they’re usually not part of who YOU are. 

As Xuma points out, in deciding how to approach girls, sometimes the best "style" is actually no style.  Don’t do what works for other guys; do what works for you.  I hope that the methods I teach in "How to Be Irresistible to Women" will work for you.  In fact, I’m confident they will.  But if they don’t fit your personality, then don’t use them!  Instead of prescribing to just one method–or worse, to ALL of them–try to use pieces of each of them, until you’re totally prepared for anything.  It’s nice to have a Plan A, but having a back-up Plan B, C, D, and E is even better!

Xuma suggests being like Bruce Lee, who didn’t just one martial art style for himself, but a collection of various ones.  In the end, when he became a star, Lee didn’t practice just one style; he practiced so many, that he didn’t really have any one style.  He just did what fit him.

So it should be for you.  You should be the Bruce Lee of relationships!  And, just like Coca-Cola: "Always the real thing."

As a relationships expert, I see relationships like poker.  Some guys can just never get the winning cards, and blame themselves for it.  "I’m too short."  "She’s too gorgeous." "A girl like her wouldn’t go out with a guy like me."   Their problems are entirely about what they DON’T have, the cards they CAN’T get.  Like an impatient poker player, or one who bets his life savings on a three-pair, THEY are their own worst enemies.  But they appreciate a good hand, so all they really need is to learn is how to be a better player.

Then there are guys like Dan.  Players who have all the hand they want, but can’t appreciate it.  The only thing they lack is the ability to be happy with the hand they’re dealt.  Such is the situation with Dan.

A little background: Dan is my good-looking cousin.  He’s smart.  He’s funny.  He has lots of girls interested in him.  If he wanted to, he could be married right now.  Could have been four years ago, really.

But Dan doesn’t want marriage; he doesn’t even want a steady relationship.  The big issue is, He finds faults in EVERYONE.  One’s too short, one’s too tall; one’s too skinny, one’s too fat.  He’s never impressed! 

Now, I’ve met some of his past girlfriends, and man, I think any guy would be happy to date some of them!  One of them was a nice, dark Indian girl with a dynamite body.  This girl was quite intelligent, and pretty easy to talk to–never an easy thing to find in NYC.  One of the biggest complaints guys in NY have of their girlfriends is that they don’t talk enough, or don’t talk to their guy friends enough.  His problem with her: She talked TOO MUCH!  Another promising relationship, passed away like four aces.

Another common complaint in NYC is that the girls are much too busy, too career-oriented.  So Dan meets this nice Mexican chick who has a career but is basically willing to throw it all away to be with him.  She’s beautiful, she has a nice body–she’s pretty much the type of girl a guy interested in marriage would want.  But of course, this is Dan.  Dan is 30, definitely of marrying age.  His beef with her?  She’s too nice. 

TOO NICE?!?, I think.  Yeah, that can be annoying if she’s just nice and has no substance, but this girl can cook, can talk advanced subjects, and is a joy to be around.  She’s too friggin’ nice?!?

I guess some guys, no matter what hand they’re dealt, will always be upset with the deck.  You can hand a guy a royal flush, but if he’d just as soon rather be playing blackjack, what can you do?

Whether it’s poker or relationships, sometimes the best skill you can possibly have is to just be happy with what you’ve got.