"Dating Confidence"
Part I: The Approach

December 23rd, 2024
From James:

What's up? Thanks for joining me. You're in for an amazing ride in the next few newsletters: my man Slade from MeetYourSweet.com has agreed to do an exclusive 3-part series for me on Dating Confidence.

If you struggle with being more confident with women, then don't miss a single day of this series. I've read a lot of books about self-confidence, and even I haven't heard dating confidence explained quite like Slade does in this series. So brace yourself and get ready for Slade's views on self-confidence in the approach (Part I), self-confidence on a date (Part II), and self-confidence with women (Part III)!

Get Confident in Approaching Women

by Guest Writer Slade Shaw
© 2007 MeetYourSweet.com

It used to piss me off when I saw some guy schmooze up to a woman I'd been trying to get up the confidence to approach all night.

Here I'd been checking her out subtly, trying to figure out what sort of guy she normally went in for, mentally testing and throwing away a dozen different lines and scenarios. In my mind, I was a hundred times better than him because when I went up to her, I was going to have a PLAN. Sure, she might be talking to him right now, but that laughter? It was just her being polite. She couldn't be going for a guy who had no game.

Except the problem was that she was laughing. She was talking to him. And for all my big talk, I was still the guy on the other side of the room who didn't have the guts to make the approach.

It took me years to figure out that that reality didn't match the view from inside my head. Inside my head, I thought that I was the big shot with all the right things to say. Outside my head, it was pretty clear that I was the quiet guy who was pretty frustrated with women.

That's why self-confidence is such a important issue to me and one that I talk a LOT about.

In school I was taught the same thing as you: that confidence came down to "believing in yourself." It sounds great to tell kids to "believe in themselves" and put gold stars by their names, but there was one big problem with the whole confidence program...

...Belief and reality aren't always the same thing.

Back in those days, I told myself I was hot stuff. I had all the belief in myself I needed. The problem was that I was confident out of ignorance. I was confident because I wasn't ever going to risk getting rejected. I scored any number of girls in my mind, and the fact that reality didn't match up was just a minor inconvenience.

Was I confident with girls? As long as I didn't have to talk to any, sure!

It became clear fast that the whole "believe in yourself" thing wasn't going to do the trick. A girl can smell false confidence from a mile away. Belief without the experience to back it up came across as arrogance, and that wasn't going to help me get the popular girls I was interested in.

So I was stuck in the old dilemma that all of us find ourselves in at times...

...I needed to experience a little success with women before I could really feel confident, but I needed to feel confident to be successful with women.

Have you ever been in that place?

If so, then I think you'll be interested in what I have to say next.

There is a massive difference between "feeling confident" and actually being a confident person. An unconfident person has to tell themselves to feel confident. They have to build themselves up by telling themselves what a stud they are, how women are just dying to meet them, what a great love life they're going to have when they finally get a flash car/graduate from school/move into the city.

If you have to make yourself feel confident, then it's pretty clear that you're barking up the wrong tree when it comes to confidence.

Confidence is NOT a belief.

Rather, confidence is the ability to ACT.

In other words, confidence is really about personal power: the power to make your own decisions and act on them. A confident person doesn't worry about being able to do something; instead, they know how to make a decision and act on that decision immediately, without hesitation.

So in that respect, "belief" won't help you one iota when it comes to confidence. A belief is just a thought. Confidence lies in the realm of action.

Once I got this, it suddenly became clear to me...

The reason that confident guys get more girls isn't because they're somehow better. It's not like "confidence" is this "magical power" that attracts women like pheremones, without a guy having to do a thing.

Rather, confident guys actually do more. They talk to more women. They ask more women out. They take more risks. If they want a woman, they make the decision to get her and act on it.

They not like the old me, sitting there with a glass in my hand, doing approach after approach in my head.

If your confidence is all in your head, then stop deluding yourself. You're not confident; you're just an insecure guy who talks himself up.

Get confidence the way that the rest of us get it: by getting out there and doing what it takes to meet, attract, and date more women!

P.S. For more information on self-confidence, check out my course!

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