"Dating Confidence"
Part II: The Date
April 17th, 2024
From James:
What's up? Thanks for joining
me. Today is Part II of Slade Shaw's series on dating confidence, and in it he's going to be discussing how to be more confident on that crucial first date or two. So often, that's when we guys end up blowing it: we get her phone number, we're stoked, we organize a time to get together ... but then when we actually spend more than a few hours with her, it all turns to custard. How can you keep up your game over the extended time period of a date? Read on for Slade Shaw's secrets....
Get Confident on Dates
by Guest Writer Slade Shaw
© 2007 MeetYourSweet.com
The word "date" is just so old-fashioned anymore. Who takes a woman out on a date? If you just raised your hand, then put it down quickly before anyone notices.
It's not your job as a man to prove to a woman that you can "provide" for her by taking her out to a formal dinner, demonstrating your mastery of etiquette, and then footing the bill for two appetizers, dinners, desserts, wine and coffee. Yeah, you should be so rich that shoving your credit card across the table is like dropping a penny on the ground, but if you're an average human being that kind of attitude is going to leave you broke and dateless.
Stop thinking that taking a woman out requires all the planning and resources of a covert mission: Operation "Get Laid."
It's not that intimidating, and the fate of your social life does NOT hang in the balance.
So what does it take to be more confident when you're going out with a woman?
Confidence Tip #1.
"Focus on having fun yourself."
Time and time again I see guys making the same mistake: they think that the point of hanging out with a woman is to get her to like them. Dude! Why make so much work for yourself?
Focus on having fun yourself, and you'll find out in the shortest time possible whether or not she's any fun to be with.
See, the point of hanging out with a woman is NOT to convince her to sleep with you or see you again or whatever the case may be.
The point of hanging out with a woman is to see if you two have FUN together.
If you don't have fun together, why bother pursuing it? There are a LOT of females out there, and sometimes the one that looks easiest on the eyes isn't actually the one that makes you laugh the hardest or enjoy yourself the most.
Your time is valuable, so don't waste it on women who seem like a total catch until you spend an hour with them and discover that their idea of a good time is spending your money and dressing up so that other men can look at them.
And make sure that if you do take a woman out or hang out together, you're doing something that's fun for YOU. I'm not advocating that you be selfish; I'm just saying that if YOU are having fun, then she'll be more likely to have fun, too. The surest way to kill attraction dead is to do something that you secretly hate (like sit for hours over dinner and talk about "life") so that you endure your date rather than enjoy it.
Confidence Tip #2.
"Slow down."
This might seem like an odd tip at first, but it's a superb technique to come across as more confident if you're actually nervous and tied up in knots inside.
When you get nervous, everything speeds up. Your mind speeds up, your voice speeds up, your movements get fast and jerky. Anyone looking at you will know you're nervous: it's impossible to hide.
This happens for a reason. Your sympathetic nervous system is kicking in, triggering the fight-or-flight response. Your body is being primed for action ... except that you're stuck sitting in a chair for the next two hours making small talk rather than having animal sex in the backseat of the car.
Slow down, relax, and take it easy. You're not in a war zone here. You've got all the time in the world.
Deliberately slow down your speech (and soften the tone if you notice that your voice is going up an octave). Deliberately slow down your movements. Don't rush to fill up the silence with talk; instead, deliberately pause before replying to her comments, so that you get comfortable in the silence. Slow your breathing. Relax your muscles. Be.
Some guys think that the only way to control their nervous response is to rely on a crutch like alcohol. If you can't relax without alcohol, then you're going to miss out on all the opportunities that day game has to offer. Learn to slow down and relax deliberately, and you'll see why I say that inebriation is relaxation's sloppy cousin.
Confidence Tip #3.
"Don't Stress Yourself Out."
I'm convinced that most of us think too much. According to MSNBC.com, "A study in Clinical Psychology & Psychotherapy found that fully 85 percent of the things we worry about never occur".
So if you're worrying that she's not having a good time, that you picked the wrong venue, that you're going to spill your drink on yourself or do something stupid ... take comfort in statistics. If 85% of the things we worry about don't happen, then you're creating unnecessary stress for yourself.
Worse yet, you may actually sabotage your chances by stressing yourself out.
People who are relaxed and easy about life are somehow easier to be around. When a person's chilled out, nothing seems to matter, and it's easy to laugh off anything that might otherwise have been embarrassing.
But way too many of us put too much pressure of ourselves to perform on a date. We act like it's a job interview! We try and make her laugh, entertain her, or do things to make her happy.
Sure, it feels great when you can make a woman laugh or make her happy just by being around you, but if that's the only thing that matters to you, it sounds to me like you're making yourself dependent on her approval.
Don't stress yourself out. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, learn from it and move on. Your mind is going to do its best to keep you from enjoying life by coming up with all sorts of reasons to worry like, "This will never last," or, "She can't really like me," or, "What did she really mean when she said that?" Don't encourage those thoughts by paying much attention to them. Life is a heck of a lot more fun when you don't waste your time worrying.
And don't be too hard on yourself. Being nervous around women and wanting to make sure a date goes off successfully are natural ... just like burping is natural. You can do it ... but just don't do it in public.
P.S. To develop Supreme Self-Confidence in your Personal, Professional, Social and Sexual Life, don't forget to visit my website.
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