Female Fortnight:
Get Noticed by Girls

I met so many students like Karen whenever I go out. Clubs and bars are full of girls and guys who're celebrating the freedom of adulthood.

If you're looking for a long-term relationship, students aren't the best bet. Most of them are in town only for the term or semester anyway. But if you're looking for some pure, uninhibited fun, party in a student town.

Karen's advice is pretty basic for guys who're looking to meet up with women in the club scene. Stand out, make eye contact, open the group rather than the woman, and make sure to follow up.

"Put Your 'Look Here' Sign On"
Interview with Karen - 21, Student, Vermont

Describe yourself: what do you do, what you do for fun, anything that seems important.

Well, I'm still studying at the moment, but once I finish I'll be going into nursuing. For fun, I like to go out. I really like, you know, concerts and dancing and stuff. I'm married to my iPod.

Do you usually go out with a group of friends?

Always, yeah. There's about five of us from the hall that go. That's what's great about living in a dorm: you can just say you're going and see who else wants to come along. A lot of the places we go are in walking distance, so we always feel pretty safe.

Guys and girls, or just girls?

Guys and girls. I always feel comfortable if there's at least one other guy in the group. I mean, not that anything would ever happen, but if a guy hits on one of us and he's creeping us out, our guy can protect us.

What's creepy?

I don't know, just hanging around our group without saying anything, or coming back when we've told him to go away. There are guys who'll just watch you like they're, I don't know, deer hunting or something. Stalking you with their eyes.

So do all guys creep you out, or do you actually talk to some!

Oh, I talk to some of them! You know, you look at one another and then if both of you like what you see, you start talking.

So it starts with eye contact.

Yeah. You have to look at one another first. You can totally tell in that instant what the other person thinks of you. That's why I don't get why guys don't just walk away when they see that me and my friends aren't interested. I'm like, I can tell when you're not interested in me, so why don't you get it when I'm not interested in you?

What would make you interested in someone?

Well, cute, first of all. Mussed-up hair, cute clothes.You can so tell when a guy is just a slob. If he looks like that when he goes out, he probably lives in a total dump. Some guys, it's like their clothes are so new they still have the crease in them, and they probably spend hours with the blowdryer to get their hair just right. That's not attractive. Or guys who wear too much cologne - yuck. Or guys with sweaty armpits.

Getting back to the attractive things guys do...

Oh, yeah. Good things. Smiling? Definitely smiling. I always turn around and look to see who's laughing. The people who're having the best time are the people you want to hang out with; they're, like, the cool ones. Wearing colors that stand out? I don't get why so many guys go to clubs and wear these dark shirts and dark jeans. It's like, you blend in. I can't see you. I really like how white shirts glow under strobe lights. That's like putting a "Look Here" sign right on you. I'll totally notice.

So what do you do to make sure guys notice you?

It's kind of embarrassing to admit, but I stare at them until their friends notice and tell them to turn around, then I smile and turn away really quick. I completely ignore them after that so that they can either take it from there or just think that I wasn't really interested. It really works. If I've been making eye contact with a guy I think is hot, I'll look away and walk over to the dance floor and start dancing by myself. That's a clear invitation. Or the other thing that me and my friends do, we'll sit somewhere that we can have a good view and point out all the hot guys. Usually the guys notice us pointing at them, and they'll come over.

Ever gone home with anyone?

No! I mean, I wouldn't. First of all, we have a pact - my friends - we don't let anyone go back alone. We all go or we all stay. So if I thought a guy was really cute, I would probably kiss him or maybe even make out, but I would leave with my friends. I wish more guys would actually ask for my number or something. Instead, it's like, if I don't want to go home with them that minute, it's like they don't want to know me. Which is good, because that tells me that they just wanted to sleep with anyone and weren't particularly interested in me. I hate that, actually.

How do you usually meet the guys you date?

Well, I don't actually call it "dating." It's more like "hanging out." Dating is like something my mom would do, where the guy picks you up in a car and you go to a fancy restaurant or something. Obviously, school is a big one; I've met most of my boyfriends through school. It's easier, because you can spend a lot more time together. I had one boyfriend who was in the military, and we used to talk on the phone for hours. It was like a fake relationship because we were pretending we were boyfriend and girlfriend, but really we weren't. We never saw one another. Being in a relationship means being "in" something, not just being friends who talk over the phone.

So is that your goal, then, to be in a relationship?

Well, I'm pretty traditional in the sense that I want to get married. I want to start my career and then focus on meeting someone. Right now, I like to have fun, because that's what you do in college. I don't want to get serious and then not finish school or something. I'd love to get married and have a family and have a house and a career and, you know, a summer home and tropical vacations and all that. I just think that I won't meet that kind of guy in a club or at a concert. Partying is fun for meeting guys for a good time, but once I really want to meet the right guy I'll probably, I don't know, find him through work or friends or something.

Do you have any tips for guys who want to meet someone like you?

Well, probably meet me when I'm not drunk, so I'll remember you. And be cool about it. Like, let there be a reason that you want to talk to me, not just because you want to meet me, you know? I'm with my friends, and it really makes me mad when someone ignores them like they're competition or something. Know me, know my friends. Oh, and ask for my phone number. And text me. I don't give out my number just so you can lose it in the wash or something.

Top 5 Tips to Remember

1. Younger women can have more conservative views about relationships than older women. It seems totally counterintuitive, doesn't it? Don't all women in their thirties want to get married while all women in their twenties just want to have fun? Like all generalizations, the answer is a big fat no. Many younger women, especially in their late teens and early twenties, still have very conventional marriage goals based on the values instilled in them when they were growing up. By the time these women reach their thirties, many begin to question those traditional values. They begin to redefine what they want in life and become more relaxed about what they hope to get out of dating.


2. First impressions count. Clubs can be noisy, crowded, and dark, which means that if you blend in with everyone else, your chances of getting noticed are next to nil. So be the guy who's not afraid to be having the most fun in the entire club, or the guy who's not afraid of glowing under the strobe lights. Stand out and see who takes notice.


3. Follow up. If you ask a woman to go home with you and she declines, she may not be rejecting you; she may just be one of those women who have a policy of not going home with a stranger. So make a follow-up offer. See if her friends are hungry, and suggest you all go out to a 24-hour diner you know. Ask her if she turns back into a hideous witch at dawn, and give her a piece of paper to write her phone number down on so she can prove she's real. The idea is to suggest that you're interested in her rather than the possibility of getting somewhere with her.


4. Don't be afraid to look. Whether you're shy, embarrassed, don't want to be caught staring, or just caught in your own bubble, you have no excuse to not catch an attractive woman's eye. Yeah, she may not think you're her type, but how will you know unless you risk it? You don't want to be staring at women (I wouldn't recommend using Karen's tactic, for example), but glancing around and appreciating what you see isn't a crime.


5. Talk to the group. A woman goes with an entourage because she feels safe. Don't isolate her from her group until you've already developed a rapport with her and the people she's with - especially any males who might feel protective. By focusing on opening the group first and then directing your attention to her, she won't feel like you're hitting on her in particular.

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