How to Keep Love, Part 4From James:
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Today's lesson is "Growth Through Dating, Part 4”. Only on Triple 0 Relationships.com. Welcome back to our final lesson of “Growth Through Dating.” In our previous three lessons we looked at some of Dr. Harville A. Hendrix’s four methods of keeping the love you find. In today’s lesson, we’ll talk about one of the toughest, but most rewarding, steps towards keeping the girl of your dreams: Do what you can to change the behaviors and character defenses that are keeping you from keeping the love you find. Only here, on How to Be Irresistible to Women. Let’s talk about method #4 for keeping the love you find: Do what you can to change the behaviors and character defenses that are keeping you from keeping the love you find. It’s hard to admit where you’re wrong. REALLY hard. And it takes time to implement changes. I told you about my cousin who’s trying to get her husband to stop drinking. Believe me, it took a LONG time before Mack admitted he had a drinking problem. But just getting him to admit he had a problem, was the most important step in getting him to change it. The good news is, admitting you’re wrong can be rewarding. I’ll give you an example. One of the things I always prided myself on was that I wasn’t self-centered. I consider myself a pretty selfless person who’s willing to make sacrifices for other people. I always believed I was the kind of person who gave more than he received. In short, I thought I was self LESS, not self ISH. Then one day my girlfriend called me out on it. She called me selfish. As a person who had always been told that I was caring and selfless, I took immediate offense to this. What the hell? I shouted at her. You can’t call me selfish! She was ruining my positive image of myself, and who wants that to happen? But she did it. She called me selfish. Why? Well, my girlfriend always got home from work before me, and when I got home, I would head straight for the fridge. I was always hungry, and instead of giving her a hug and looking pleased to see her, I would, as a typical male, put on my blinders and head straight for the fridge, leaving her hanging. On top of that, I would often want to see how well my fantasy baseball team was doing (damn it’s addictive!!), and go straight for the computer after I got my “small”, pre-dinner snack of, say, a heaping plate of lasagna. (Just a snack!) Doing this once would have been okay, but when it became a routine, my girlfriend got angry. Girls need love. They need to know they matter. And I, this perfectly selfless man, wasn’t tending to my girlfriend’s needs. I was only thinking about myself, about my food and fantasy baseball team's performance. And she called me out on it. So of course I didn’t react well to this insult. Not wanting to lose control over my actions to my girl, I stubbornly continued my routine. You can imagine how THAT helped our relationship. It wasn’t pretty. But over time I saw that I was, in fact, being selfish. I had to be honest with myself. And by doing so, I was actually able to get what I wanted. I apologized—which is always a necessary first step—and changed my ways. By giving my girlfriend a big hug and kiss when I arrived home, and talking for a few minutes about the day, she had no problem with me eating and checking the Internet to my heart’s content afterwards. I had tended to her needs. So she allowed me to happily tend to mine afterwards. It was a big reward for a small change that put our relationship ahead of my own petty needs. But change like that only happens when you’re honest with yourself. If I hadn’t admitted I was being selfish, to both her AND myself, there was no way the relationship was going to improve. It may not have continued much longer. Admitting when you’re wrong is also helpful when you look back at past relationships. Why did it end? What could you have done to have made it better? Would it have worked if you had reacted differently? As long as you’re willing to learn from your mistakes, you’ll never fail. As John Burroughs once said,
So commit yourself to improving yourself every day. You’ll be rewarded with a relationship that improves every day. Now that’s a winner’s game! This concludes Part 4 of “Growth Through Dating”. In our previous lessons we talked about relationship expert Dr. Harville A. Hendrix’s first three methods of keeping the love you find. These included:
In today’s lesson we looked at the final method, Do what you can to change the behaviors and character defenses that are keeping you from keeping the love you find. It may be tough changing your habits, especially ones you’ve had for a long time, but when you see the benefit it has to both you AND your partner, you’ll find it a lot easier to achieve. Mutual benefits create mutual happiness. Now that’s a winner’s game! This concludes today’s edition of 000relationships.com’s exclusive newsletter series. For more information about me, James, visit my website, 000relationships.com/towomen. Triple O Relationships. Now it’s your turn!
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