Are You Playing "Mysterious Admirer"? You Need These Great Dating Tips!
Welcome to my "How to Be Irresistible to Men" Newsletter Series! If you are looking for the greatest gold-mine of attraction, seduction, dating, and relationship advice for women ever crammed into a newsletter series, then read on! 
Amy Waterman
Host of "How to Be Irresistible to Men"
by Amy Waterman
© SeductionGenie.com
Reprinted from its original post on SeductionGenieLive.com
A friend of mine was made fire warden recently. He works for a high-tech company in a tower in the central city, and the appointment reflects his reliable, helpful nature. He’s in his mid-thirties and single, with his own house and a modest lifestyle. It’s amazing that some girl hasn’t picked him up yet.
He attended his first fire warden’s meeting a week ago. The wardens for the whole building sat in a circle and reviewed the procedures in the event of an emergency. He didn’t know many of the other people in the room, as they all worked for other companies. The meeting ended, and he went back to work and then home that night without a second thought about it.
The next afternoon, a courier came into the room and asked for "Carl" (not his real name). Carl looked up, surprised, as the courier placed a floral arrangement on his desk. Everyone around him burst into laughter. Confused, he opened up the card. All that was written was a cryptic message and a cell phone number.
Now, Carl wasn’t the kind of guy to receive anonymous Valentines on February 14, so he took the arrangement home and left it on his kitchen table a few days while he decided what to do.
When I met up with him, he still hadn’t done anything about it. Instead of feeling pleased or flattered, he was feeling a bit concerned. "I feel like I have a stalker."
I laughed. "Well, why wouldn’t have she told you who she was right off the start? That does seem a little odd." I paused, then asked curiously. "What kind of arrangement was it? Not some girly thing with flowers?"
"No, I suppose it’s one for a guy. There aren’t any flowers, just these green ferny things. Oh, and chocolate fish."
"Chocolate fish?"
"Yeah, wrapped in purple tinfoil. They’re dangling from the the leaves. Kind of like a Christmas tree, I suppose."
That added another dimension to it altogether.
Carl sighed. "It’s just weird to not know who she is. She could be anybody! I’m started to look over my shoulder. As I was driving into work, I kept looking around the parking lot. When I go up in the elevator, I look at all the faces."
"Have you met anyone new recently?"
"I thought about that! No! I mean, the only new people I’ve met was at the fire warden’s meeting. And there were two women there, but I didn’t really pay them much attention. Most of the women in our building are married."
The mystery of the chocolate fish continued until the next week. When I met him for our usual shopping date, I asked him if he’d discovered anything new.
"I’m having coffee with her on Wednesday."
"Oh my gosh! You know who she is?"
"She’s one of the fire wardens. I think she must have sat next to me at the meeting. But none of us talked to one another, we were just listening to the director, so I never really noticed her."
She’d tried to be coy and mysterious when he called the phone number, until he told her frankly, "I’m not really into playing games." She’d imagined that he would be getting pleasure out of the mystery of a secret admirer, as she would have done if the same had happened to her. But men aren’t women, and Carl wasn’t her. Keeping her identity concealed from him was a strike against her from the start. Carl preferred to know who he was dealing with.
They met for coffee on their lunch breaks on Wednesday. It turns out that she was a divorcé in her late thirties with a daughter. She’d been out of the dating world for the past few years as she focused on getting over her divorce and getting her life together. This was her first attempt to test the dating waters, and she was clearly out of practice.
She spent the hour talking about how her ex had abused her and the shortcomings of the boyfriend that she’d had after that. She talked about growing older and the hardship of being a single parent. She poured out her heart to Carl, without asking a single word about him. She didn’t need to know who he was; she just needed a kind and patient male ear to unload her troubles into.
By the end of their coffees, Carl was grateful that he had a reason to end the date and get back to work. He told me, shaking his head, "She’s a nice person and all that, but I don’t think I can do anything for her."
"She’s looking for someone to save her," I said. "You’re a really nice guy; of course she’s going to see that and hope you’re the one."
He nodded.
It all made sense, on retrospect. She was a mother with a grade-school-age daughter, so perhaps the game of "mysterious admirer" and chocolate fish were her daughter’s suggestions. She simply didn’t know how to approach a man, so she did the best she could.
But what she didn’t realize was that her crush wasn’t based on a desire to know Carl better; it was based on a desire to find someone who’d be her knight in shining armor. No man is going to want to be with a woman who needs him more than she wants him.
Anonymous gifts were fantastic fun in childhood, but as adults we want more than chocolate fish. We want suitors who are straight with us from the start and are committed to getting to know us before making assumptions about how compatible we’ll be.
Studies show that highly attractive individuals will feel more warmly towards a suitor who acts coldly or even rudely to them at first, then gradually shows interest as he or she "comes to know them." It makes sense: if you were beautiful, a 10/10 in guy-speak, you would be suspicious of men who acted like your best friend from the moment you met them. If, on the other hand, they were indifferent to you when they first met you but slowly warmed up as you spent time together, you’d believe that they were falling for your personality or who you really are rather than your looks.
My friend Carl never met up with the woman again, but he got the impression that she was okay with that. The arrangement sat on his kitchen table, the green leaves withering, until he threw it out, chocolate fish and all.
So next time you have a crush on a man that you’ve only seen and never met, give him a better gift than chocolate fish: give him the gift of your genuine interest.
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