Recently Divorced or Broken Up? Get Back into Dating with These Tips!
Welcome to my "How to Be Irresistible to Men" Newsletter Series! If you are looking for the greatest gold-mine of attraction, seduction, dating, and relationship advice for women ever crammed into a newsletter series, then read on! 
Amy Waterman
Host of "How to Be Irresistible to Men"
by Amy Waterman
© 000Relationships.com
Getting back into dating after a breakup is never easy, especially if five or more years have passed since you were last single. When you return to the singles market, you may find that the "rules" have changed, there are fewer eligible men your age, and you've lost the advantage of youthful enthusiasm. What's a girl to do?
You can't win a new game by playing by the old rules. If the dating scene has changed, it's time for YOU to change along with it!
One common reason that many women feel discouraged when they start dating again is that they expect to achieve success by using the skills that won them their last relationship. Instead, they find themselves flopping like a fish out of water. To their horror, they discover that their dating skills are - forgive the pun - dated.
Avoid disappointment by doing your research. Recognize that you'll need to adapt and learn new skills. Be open-minded about dating fads that weren't around when you were single the first time. Just because you didn't need internet dating, speed dating, and matchmaking services five years ago doesn't mean that they won't suit you this time around.
And to give you that extra edge, in today's newsletter I'm going to share three of my Top Tips for ANY woman who's getting back into the dating scene after the dissolution of a long-term relationship or marriage.
If you've spent years living with another person or raising children with him, it's only natural that the end of your relationship won't signal the end of his influence on your life. When we love someone else, we change in ways that reflect their personality, their habits, and their tastes. For example, if your partner loved sitting and home watching movies, you may find that you're a walking encyclopedia of the latest films - even if you're not particularly into them yourself. If your partner used to use a particular word or phrase all the time, you may find that it slips out of your mouth more often than it should.
As a result, you may find that your separation confronts you with a disconcerting question: how much of "you" is him and how much is authentically you?
That's why I encourage all women who've recently separated to spend some time getting to know themselves again. When you've spent years identifying yourself as part of a couple, it can feel quite scary to see yourself as an individual. You may find yourself with too much spare time on your hands, thinking too much, or avoiding social events that you'd have to attend alone.
Rediscover your own life again by signing up for classes, indulging those passions that your partner didn't share, and re-connecting with old friends. Get rid of those clothes that he used to like and treat yourself to a new wardrobe that reflects your new identity. Spend some time doodling, day-dreaming, or fantasizing about your future. Don't give into the temptation to see yourself as a failure simply because this one relationship didn't work out. Instead, believe that he is out of your life for a reason, and that it's up to you to find out what that reason is.
One of the most challenging consequences of a failed relationship is dealing with the emotional fallout. Breakups batter our self-esteem. The bitter memory of conflicts, arguments, and disappointments make us defensive and less likely to trust a man the next time around.
Sweeping that emotional baggage out of the way isn't just important for your own psychological health; it's also important for your love life. According to an AARP Singles Survey, baggage is a major turn-off for singles in their 40s and above. Who wants to take on someone else's "issues"?
Luckily, there are many ways that you can deal with the emotional fallout from your breakup that will leave you stronger, wiser, and more capable of dealing with conflicts in the future. Don't let negative thoughts and feelings multiple inside your head. Brooding about a problem only makes it worse. Instead, open up to a trusted friend, family member, or counselor. If you don't feel comfortable going to someone that you know personally, search for free counseling services in your area or go to a local church or religious organization. A life coach can help you sort out your life, establish a plan of action for the future, and inspire you to reach for new dreams.
As you face your negative feelings, memories, and beliefs with an attitude of acceptance, love, and understanding, you'll find that your former relationship loses its power over you. You'll no longer find yourself tempted to believe that this one "failure" will jinx your entire romantic future. Best of all, thinking about it won't hurt any more. Your heart will feel lighter, more optimistic, and, yes, younger than it has in years.
The new man in your life doesn't need to hear about the old one. As tempting as it may be to spill out your heart to a sympathetic ear, hearing about your previous relationship is more likely to frighten him away than to endear you to him.
It's unfortunate that swapping past relationship histories has become a standard feature of first dates. On the surface, knowing that he's had at least one long-term relationship in the past might make you feel better about his ability to commit. However, the more details you have about his past, the more troubling questions it can bring to mind, such as how you stock up against his exes.
Keep your exes where they belong - in the past. Let your new relationship reach an intimate stage before you start spilling the intimate details of your life. If you're just dating casually, keep things on a casual level. He doesn't need to know your life history right away, no matter how fascinating it may be. When you share details of your life sparingly, you preserve a sense of mystery that's irresistibly attractive.
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