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Welcome to my "How to Be Irresistible to Men" Newsletter Series! If you are looking for the greatest gold-mine of attraction, seduction, dating, and relationship advice for women ever crammed into a newsletter series, then read on!
Amy Waterman
Host of "How to Be Irresistible to Men"
by Amy Waterman
© 000Relationships.com
I’ve been there before. We all have. You’ve been seeing a guy for a few weeks, you’ve kissed, maybe you’ve even spent the night. And now you’re wondering … so are we in a relationship yet? What’s the line between dating casually and dating exclusively? Is it time for “the conversation”?
First of all, let me answer that last question before addressing the others: no, it’s not time for “the conversation.” In fact, it’s NEVER time for “the conversation.” Forcing a man to talk about whether or not you’re in a relationship before he’s ready will only scare him away. It’s a myth that you need to have a formal sit-down with your man to discuss the future of your relationship, as there are much better ways to find out where your relationship is going.
Almost all dating and relationship experts agree on this: trying to pin down a relationship too soon is a recipe for disaster. According to author John Gray in Mars and Venus on a Date, a crucial stage in a budding relationship is uncertainty. After the initial attraction, it’s normal – and important – for both parties to doubt whether or not they’re right for one another. If a woman forces a man to sit down and decide whether or not they’re going to have three kids or just one at this stage, he’ll run out the door … without having given the relationship a fair chance.
If the advice of experts doesn’t sway you, listen to men themselves. David Zinczenko polled over 5000 men and women to write Men, Love & Sex: The Complete User’s Guide for Women, and the consensus from the men was clear:
“If you want to talk about the long-term possibilities of your relationship, there’s such a thing as premature enunciation. Don’t be too clear, too early, about what you think you want from the relationship.” (p. 6)
So if asking your man straight-out isn’t possible, how do you know whether this is going somewhere or whether it’s sputtering to a halt?
That’s what today’s lesson is all about. I’m going to share with you five of my “Top Tips for Determining Whether You’re in a Relationship.”
(It’s important to recognize that my tips are just that – TIPS – and not guidelines set in stone. Every couple is different, and every culture is different. But these tips will give you an idea of what to look for when you want to know if what you have classifies as a “relationship” or not.)
Tip 1. Ask Yourself ... Do you see one another during the week?
If you just see one another on weekends, then I would class your situation as “casually dating” unless there is some reason (such as a long-distance relationship) that you can’t see one another more often.
In a real relationship, you can’t go that long without connecting with him. You may meet up for coffee midweek, have long chats on the phone after work, or even stay over and go to work from his house.
In many ways, the shift in dating from just the weekend to weekend AND weekday activities is significant. It means that the relationship is moving from the province of entertainment (the main focus of weekends) to becoming integrated in daily life.
Tip 2. Is he always available?
If there are periods where he’s out of communication – especially if he’s told you not to contact him at certain times – then that’s a clear signal that he’s not available for deeper commitment.
A man who considers himself in a relationship with you will make sure that you are able to contact him if something goes wrong. He will be concerned if he doesn’t hear from you.
On the other hand, if you’re casually dating, you’re not answerable to one another. He may be unavailable to you because there are parts of his life that he’s unwilling to share with you, or he may be seeing other women.
Being completely available and transparent about his activities is a good sign that a man is interested in forming an honest, solid relationship.
Tip 3. When you spend the night at his house (or vice versa), do you stay for breakfast and spend the following day together?
A physical relationship that ends when one of you slips out of bed and shrugs into their clothes to go home is unlikely to be as seriously committed as one that can face the harsh light of day.
Casual sexual relationships are one thing. Caring sexual relationships – when he makes you breakfast in the mornings – are another. But when you wake up together, eat together, AND spend the day doing relationship-y things together, you know that you’re moving in the right direction.
Tip 4. Do you leave clothes and personal effects at each other’s homes?
I still remember the first time a boyfriend bought a toothbrush to leave at my apartment. After he left that weekend, I went into the bathroom and looked at the extra toothbrush in amazement. I felt almost in awe. It was a testament to our closeness that he considered my home his own.
But that wasn’t the only function served by leaving a toothbrush at my house. As a man, he was also marking his territory. Anyone who came into my bathroom would see TWO toothbrushes, not just one, and know that someone else lived there with me. He was making certain that everyone knew I was taken.
Tip 5. How does he introduces you?
This is one of your best clues as to where you stand in his life. Even if he just says something as simple as, "Kathy, this is Samantha. Samantha, Kathy," you can tell much by his body language.
If he moves closer to you - better yet, if he puts his arm around you - when he's introducing you to others, you know that he wants you two to be considered a couple. If, on the other hand, he moves away, it's a bad sign.
Listen closely to the language he uses as well. Does he introduce you as his friend, his girlfriend, or his partner? You may not want to put too much emphasis on this: often, a man will feel uncomfortable presuming a level of intimacy that you haven't discussed yet, or your relationship is too new for him to feel comfortable labeling it.
There are additional ways to uncover whether or not he thinks you're in a relationship, but for more of those - and more tips and techniques on how to move a date closer and closer to "relationship" status - check out my complete course on becoming more irresistible to the man in your life or the man you hope to find. You'll discover the triggers that scare men away and how to avoid them, as well as the secret to only attracting commitment-ready men into your life.
Discover these secrets by visiting my website on how to attract men!
All the best in life and love!
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