Is There Someone You're Interested In? Get These Great Dating Tips!
Welcome to my "How to Be Irresistible to Men" Newsletter Series! If you are looking for the greatest gold-mine of attraction, seduction, dating, and relationship advice for women ever crammed into a newsletter series, then read on! 
Amy Waterman
Host of "How to Be Irresistible to Men"
by Amy Waterman
© 000Relationships.com
You know that guy in the office? Yeah, the cute one. The one that sends all the single women swooning and doesn’t even notice that he’s doing it. The one that just sees you as a work colleague - or, worse, “one of the boys.”
What do you do to get him to notice you?
All of us have been in this situation. If you were a teenager once, you probably yearned over a boy who never even glanced in your direction. As an adult woman, you may still hold that painful memory in your heart: that memory of being ignored by the one person you wanted to notice you the most.
Luckily, as an adult, you have options that your teenage self didn’t have. Chances are, back then if you’d flirted with the object of your affections, EVERYONE around you would have gone, “Eeew, she likes him! Amy and Brian, sitting in a tree, K – I – S – S – I – N – G!”
Now, no one is going to go, “Eeew, gross!” when you display your interest in someone. (At least, unless you have a teenager at home!)
In fact, there’s never been a better time for women to be proactive in dating. Modern men say that they appreciate a woman who doesn’t beat around the bush about what she wants.
But before I get into why you should be careful when it comes to what men SAY they want (because what they actually DO want can be a different matter altogether), I want to give you a few tips on what you should and shouldn’t do to attract a particular person’s interest.
Here are seven of my Top Tips on What to Do If He Doesn’t Know You Exist.
Tip 1. DO give yourself a hard shake.
What is going to paralyze you in any encounter with him is what you hope will happen. Chances are you've been daydreaming about him for ages and that you've fantasized every step of your courtship down to the details on your wedding dress.
Fantasizing about a man that you aren't even dating can be great fun, but it can also be disastrous for your social life. Not only can your fantasies swim disconcertingly in front of your eyes when you talk with him (making your cheeks flush, voice go squeaky, and heart beat faster), but you can also find yourself so caught up in your fantasy man that you ignore other lovelorn men gazing at you.
Give yourself a hard shake and come down to earth. As great as he appears, he may be a dud as a boyfriend - you simply don't know. Clear your mind of any expectations as best you can, and approach your interactions with him with a fresh mind. You want to get to know him better and see if you're a good match: that's it.
Tip 2. DO flirt.
If you've followed my advice for a while, you'll have made flirting part of the natural way you interact in the world. I recommend flirting wholeheartedly. I believe that flirting should be part of your daily repertoire and not limited to candidates for romance. Flirt with old men, young men, waiters, bus drivers, people passing on the street ... in short, everyone!
When you integrate flirting into your personality as part of who you are, rather than a special activity that you employ only when you've met someone you like, you are able to flirt with someone you're interested in without singling him out for special treatment. He can flirt back naturally, without feeling any expectation on your part.
Tip 3. DON’T do things for him.
One crazy thing that we women do when we're interested in a guy is that we do things for him that we wish someone would do for us. We like poems, so we send him a poem. We like it when someone cooks us something special, so we cook him something special. We like it when someone plays "mystery admirer" with us, so we play "mystery admirer" with him.
News flash: men aren't women. He isn't attracted by the same things you are. Ever wonder why men watch skin flicks while women read romance novels? Yep, it's because we're different.
According to John Gray in Mars and Venus on a Date, a man is more attracted to you when he does things for you than when you do things for him. In fact, Gray even goes so far as to say:
"A man's doubts (in the early stages of a relationship) are dispelled not primarily by what a woman does for him, but by how she responds to what he does for her." (p. 49)
That's amazing! Does he actually mean that instead of thinking up new ways to show him how much we're interested, we should actually focus on showing him how much we enjoy his company?
Yep.
Tip 4. DON’T come out and ask him out “man-style.”
In my newsletter on "How to Ask a Man Out," I explain why this is such a bad idea. Basically, what you're doing is offering yourself to him on a platter: he gets you without having to do any work at all. If you think about anything that you've had to work really hard for, you know how much more you value it because of the work you put into it. Don't deprive him of the opportunity to work hard for the reward of dating you.
Tip 5. DON’T try to be “one of the guys.”
Sometimes women, in an attempt to show a man that she can hang out with his friends, tries too hard to fit in with his friends. She may think that by befriending his friends, she’ll get closer to him and he’ll see how wonderful she is.
This tactic backfires all too often. If a woman is trying to be “one of the guys,” he’ll see her as one of the guys – not as an attractive, feminine potential partner. And if a woman is befriending his friends – one of whom may end up thinking that she’s hitting on him or liking her – then he won’t move in on his friend’s territory.
Avoid potential complications: don't do it.
Tip 6. DO hang out with him.
When you're interested in someone that you haven't spent much time with, the best way to hang out with him is not one-on-one, but rather in the company of others.
So invite him along to group outings. He’ll feel more comfortable when there are others going along, but only when there are plenty of single people – not just couples. If he’s interested in getting to know you better, or if he suspects that you might be interested and is amenable to the idea, he’ll enjoy the experience. If he's not interested in spending time with you, then he'll turn the offer down without turning you down. It's a great way to side-step the possibility of rejection and give you time to get to know one another without the pressure of a one-on-one date.
Tip 7. DON’T change yourself just for him.
When I was little, I used to love these made-for-television movies where a previously dowdy, socially ignored girl got a makeover and came back to school as the princess of the class. It helped me to believe that the miraculous transformation from ugly duckling to swan was possible even for me.
But, unfortunately, it also gave me the illusion that all I needed to get a boyfriend was to change how I looked. As long as I believed it was my appearance that was keeping me from having a boyfriend (rather than my insecurity, inexperience, and conversational skills) then I'd continue to blame the looks God gave me rather than myself for my situation.
I see this all the time in women who blame their weight or age on their lack of success with men. "If I were only 10 pounds lighter..." "If I were only 10 years younger..."
Get over it.
If you are interested in a man who hasn't given you a second look, then don't go seeking to become the sort of woman you imagine he'd be interested in. If you show up looking like yourself one day and like a Barbie figurine the next, he's going to wonder what possessed you.
I have this scene in my head of a teenage boy staring at a skinny-legged girl wearing this dress while the other teenagers stream past them in jeans and shirts. The boy asks, "Why are you wearing a dress?" She fiddles with her skirt and blushes. "Oh, I just felt like it."
It's so obvious!
Don't assume that he's blind. If you change yourself to attract him, he will notice and wonder what's up.
And worst of all ... even if he likes the "new you," you'll have to keep up the charade forever.
Although it can be fun to pretend we're someone we're not, ultimately we'll get tired of the game. We'll want someone who loves us for us and not for who we're pretending to be.
I always love it when I hear men say, "My wife looks most beautiful when she just wakes up in the morning and her hair is all mussed and she looks at me with those dreamy eyes...."
Don't you want a man who will say that?
Then don't change yourself just for him! If you want to change, do it for yourself. That way, the changes will stick.
In the next newsletter I'll share with you "How to Ask a Man Out."
Until next time!
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