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Welcome to my "How to Be Irresistible to Men" Newsletter Series! If you are looking for the greatest gold-mine of attraction, seduction, dating, and relationship advice for women ever crammed into a newsletter series, then read on! 
Amy Waterman
Host of "How to Be Irresistible to Men"
by Amy Waterman
© 000Relationships.com
Analise was dating a fantastic man. "We've got the same sense of humor!" she told me. "We can talk for hours, we laugh at the same jokes, we even listen to the same kind of music. I've never experienced a connection this fast with anyone."
Two weeks later, I ran into her in the store. Her clothes were rumpled, and there were dark circles under her eye. "How are things going?" I asked.
"Fine..." she said, in a tone that I knew meant things were not fine. I took her arm, and we went to a cafe to have a cup of coffee together.
Analise's dream man had stopped calling. No warning, no explanation why. Nothing had happened. She couldn't understand. She'd called his house a few times and left messages, but to no avail. This had been the most promising relationship she'd had in the past two years, and it ended just like that.
She leaned forward and begged, "Tell me, Amy, what did I do wrong?"
What do any of us do wrong in relationships? Sometimes we know in our hearts that things weren't right, but it takes a great deal of courage to admit what it was to ourselves. Other times, we think we have no idea. We tell our friends that it happened abruptly, without warning.
It's my belief that even if you don't think you know what went wrong in a relationship, you actually do. Maybe you don't know consciously, but in your heart - which can be much wiser than your head - you probably already know the answer.
And here's a hint: it's not always your fault. Sometimes it's his. And sometimes it's no one's.
Today I'm going to give you 3 Tips on Mistakes Women Make in the early stages of dating. These tips might help you if, like with Analise, your man has stopped calling and you have no idea why.
Tip 1. Check Your Energy Level
Even I'm guilty some times of coming into a date with nervous energy. After about ten minutes, I can usually calm myself enough to calibrate to his energy level.
We get excited when we're about to go out on a date: it's normal. The problem is that our excitement can often come across as nervousness. We talk too fast, our voice goes to a higher pitch, our movements are jerky, we smile so much our cheeks hurt, and we laugh excessively at his smallest joke.
If you find yourself becoming a more lively, interesting, and extroverted version of yourself on a date, you could be guilty of excessive energy. This loud, boisterous woman is not yourself: she's a character that you're performing so that you'll be liked.
Even worse, high-energy women can come across as controlling. They can talk too much, dominate the encounter, and fill the air with tension.
One way to check your energy level is to check your heartrate. If your heart is thudding so fast that you can feel the blood pulsing inyour veins, excuse yourself, go to the restroom, close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Wait until you feel your whole body relax until you go back.
Tip 2. Who Was Controlling Whom?
One reason that it's crucial to relax when you're with a man is that your relaxed state will allow him to guide the course of the date. A date is much like a dance: even though both of you will act in unison, someone has to do the leading. And in the early stages of a relationship, it's smart to let the man lead in order to see what he's made of.
Let me be clear: I'm not talking about giving up your power. I'm talking about seeing what kind of a leader this man is. Is he strong enough to be the kind of partner you can lean on? Or is he so passive that, for the rest of his life, he'll wait for you to tell him what to do?
You won't know unless you give him the chance to be the one guiding you; only then can you see the stuff he's made of.
When you grant enough trust to your date (if only temporarily) to lead you, you also bring out his wonderfully strong masculine side, the side that he loves to experience.
Too many dates become a power struggle rather than a dance. Each partner jockeys for equal power or an equal contribution to the experience. For example, a man might say, "Since I chose the restaurant, you can choose the club we go to next." A woman might say, "Since you paid for the meal, I'll pay for the dessert."
Very rarely does any woman let a man guide her from start to finish in a trusting way.
Although I believe that dating expert John Gray goes too far when he argues that, when a man opens a door for a woman, the woman should never lean across and unlock the driver's side door for him (Mars and Venus on a Date p. 43), I do believe he has a point.
Women often put too much effort into contributing to a date.
If a man initiated a date with you, all you have to do is show up. Don't feel guilty for taking advantage of him: if your experience is a pleasurable one for both of you, you can initiate a date later down the road.
Your goal is to respond to him, enjoy the experiences he's sharing with you, and show your appreciation through thanking him in a genuine way. Pleasing YOU through HIS 100% effort will make him feel much happier than having to be a 50-50 partner on a date he's supposed to be in charge of.
Tip 3. Don't Let Expectations Ruin a Good Thing
You know how hard it is when you let down your parents? Perhaps all they want is for you to not experience the same mistakes they did, or for you to have a better life than they did, or for you to get married and experience true love. Even if they don't say it explicitly, you know that there's a little part of them that wants a certain kind of life for you.
Well, just as it's hard for you when you can't live up to your parents' expectations, so it's hard for a guy when he can't live up to yours.
Men constantly complain that they're tired of women "wanting something from them." Wanting to have some acknowledgment that they're in a relationship, wanting more commitment, wanting to spend more time together, wanting an engagement ring.
It's in their nature to resist. Whereas you live in a world of giving and receiving, many men live in a world of winning and losing. And if he manages to stay with you for five years without popping the question, he feels like he's winning. (And his mates will probably tell him the same thing.)
One answer? Avoid setting up a situation where your expectations make him feel pressured.
I wish it didn't have to be this way, but I've seen it again and again. The minute you think a relationship is going somewhere, or that a man is the most amazing guy you've met in ages, or that this guy might be the One, you jeopardize the chances of it ever happening.
The minute you place expectations on a situation, you start living in the future rather than the present. The date becomes a good thing because of what you hope it will lead to, rather than because of the experience itself.
So if you like a man because you hope to be in a relationship with him, or if you like a relationship because you hope it will end in marriage, recognize that you're already constructing a big barrier to it ever happening.
In my "How to Be Irresistible to Men" Premium Course I go into this topic in much greater depth and give you an alternative to expectations that will actually enable you to create what you're wishing for.
Right now, I just want you to consider whether or not you wanted something from this relationship or this man, or whether you were happy just to be with him. Did he feel that you wanted something from him that he couldn't give you? There's nothing that discourages a man more than dating a woman that he can't make happy.
If this is a topic you're interested in, you can find more information about "The Biggest Mistakes Women Make with Love" in my "How to Be Irresistible to Men" Premium Course. Plus, you'll learn how to make a relationship work the next time around.
Don't be caught like my friend Analise. Recognize the mistakes you're making with men before it's too late and correct them.
All the best,
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