Need Online Dating Advice? Get These Great Dating & Relationship Tips!
Welcome to my "How to Be Irresistible to Men" Newsletter Series! If you are looking for the greatest gold-mine of attraction, seduction, dating, and relationship advice for women ever crammed into a newsletter series, then read on! 
Amy Waterman
Host of "How to Be Irresistible to Men"
by Amy Waterman
© 000Relationships.com
My first exposure to online dating was ten years ago. A female friend, who was a graphic designer at college, met a lovely European man online. He was flying over to spend the summer with her, and she was giddy with anticipation. It didn't bother her one whit that she'd never met him in person before.
I listened with equal parts fascination and confusion as she boasted about her new boyfriend's many admirable qualities. I couldn't see how she could be so certain about a person with whom she'd only exchanged typed words. An hour a night in a chat room wasn't enough to build a relationship on, surely.
But she knew something I didn't. That summer, her European lover descended on her tiny apartment in a cloud of exotic difference. Though their relationship didn't last past his farewell that fall, it was enough to convince me that there might be something in online dating.
Since then, I've met women across the world who've been wooed by men that flew across time zones and continents to meet them. For some of them, online romance turned to marriage. For others, the experience was a bittersweet reminder that words don't always tell the truth.
Today I want to talk about what online dating is ... and what it isn't.
Online Dating is Entertainment - Not "Dating"
Online dating is entertainment.
In this sense, the term "dating" is a misnomer. You cannot "date" anyone online. All you can do is enjoy browsing the eye candy and make the first contact with appealing prospects.
When online dating first started, men and women alike were amazed at the immediate intimacy that they experienced with total strangers. They found themselves sharing details of their lives and confessing personal feelings that they wouldn't even share with their best friends. The addictive nature of the internet led many to spend hours chatting online, until their virtual world felt more "real" than the friends they met in person.
For shy individuals, online dating provided a safe, non-confrontational way to interact with members of the opposite sex. You didn't have to be the same person online as you were in person. If you were good with words, you could become a Casanova, wooing multiple partners over multiple websites. Players found that conquering women online was just as easy as online gaming. Websites even sprang up teaching men how to maximize their chances of picking up online.
Given all this, it's surprising that anyone can take online dating seriously as a form of courtship in the old-fashioned sense. Online dating sites merely provide a forum for men and women to make the first contact. In this sense, they have more in common with the notion of a "meat market" where men and women parade their assets in hopes of getting chosen.
The Goals of Online Dating
If you're new to online dating, you may wonder what the expectations and protocols are. Because it is such a new form of meeting members of the opposite sex (at least, in comparison to timeworn standards like bars, socials, and dances), no one really knows. Like most technology, it is the use of online dating sites, rather than some predetermined cultural code, that determines what is acceptable and what is not.
If you're merely after entertainment, then keeping all your interactions online is perfectly fine. Many online daters enjoy the experience of chatting without the expectation of meeting the other individual in person. Online dating sites can create a sense of community, in which you begin to recognize familiar "faces" and swap stories about your day.
That sense of community can be quite heartening if you've recently moved to a new area. For example, before I moved overseas, I put my profile on a local online dating site in the area that I was moving to. I explained in my profile that I was moving to a new country and would appreciate meeting new friends to show me around and introduce me to the culture.
By the time I arrived in my new home, I had at least half-dozen men lined up to give me advice, assistance, and an introduction to the local culture. Two years later, I was still close friends with three of them and had dated two. Without online dating, it would have taken me much longer to integrate into my new home and meet new people.
Nevertheless, chances are that your interest in online dating is not for casual chatting or for a virtual community. Most of the tens of thousands of men and women who join online dating sites every day are interested in romantic connection.
If you're seeking for love online, these should be your goals:
- Craft a profile that encourages the right guy to respond. You don't want to create a profile that will appeal to all men. Getting inundated with messages from hundreds of men a day may be flattering, but I promise that it does get annoying. Your goal is to create a profile that will appeal to the kind of man that you're looking for. (And here's a hint: avoid saying that you're looking for your "soulmate" or "true love." No man wants to date a woman who's looking for Mr. Perfect, because it's like dooming himself to failure.)
- Browse often for profiles that interest you. You can just wait and let the men come to you (a tactic that works if you're short on time), but if you want to increase your chances of success, do some of the hunting yourself. Remember that profiles are a very one-dimensional (and often distorted) view of a person, so take each profile with a grain of salt. Trust your instincts: if a man looks too good to be true, he probably is. If, on the other hand, a man interests you and you're not sure why, drop him a line - it can't hurt!
- Spend just enough time chatting online to make sure that there is the possibility of connection and that you feel safe. This isn't the time for long, involved email messages. Keep your emails short, include enough details to give him an accurate view of who you are without deluging him with your life story, and move the interaction along to a meeting as soon as you feel ready. You don't want to spend forever chatting online only to meet him and discover that he's not your type at all. If you're going to make the most of your online dating experience, you need to minimize the time you spend online so that you enjoy more human company offline.
- Meet. Once you meet, your need for interacting online is done. Either there's a connection - in which case you'll want to schedule a second date - or there's not. If there's not a connection, you're not obligated to be polite and continue chatting with him online. And if there is a connection ... well, you'd be shortchanging yourself to waste time typing when you could be gazing into one another's eyes!
As you can see, online dating is not an end in itself. It's merely a meeting place, like a virtual bar where singles hang out hoping to spot the partner of their dreams. Once you meet your prospect in person, all the regular rules of dating apply.
Getting the Courage to Try
For some singles, the biggest challenge in online dating is publishing their personal details and photograph online. They're worried that friends or acquaintances might come across their profile and think worse of them.
The solution is not to post a profile without a photo. If you keep your personal details to a minimum, others will assume that you have something to hide.
It's a personal decision of mine never to date anyone who doesn't have a photo on their profile. I've rejected many men who've contacted me with a bare-bones profile. Although they told me that they were professionals whose business could be prejudiced by the appearance of their personal profile online, I don't need to take that risk. I have many men emailing me every day with complete profiles. Given the safety risk of online dating, I feel more secure meeting a man who isn't ashamed to publish his personal photograph on an online dating site than a man who appears to have something to hide.
I never recommend trying to hide the fact that you're dating online. When you feel that you're doing something sneaky, or something you're embarrassed about, your shame will be communicated to those that you chat with online.
Hiding things online (aside from personal details for privacy reasons) is a bad idea. Be honest about your age, weight, marital status, and how recent your profile photo is. The more individuals who bring a sense of integrity, honesty, and transparency to online dating, the better its reputation will be.
Ultimately, one of the best ways to get up the courage to try online dating is to talk to friends and family about it. Once they know that you are interested in online dating, they might just encourage and support you.
I love online dating, and I hope that you will, too. There are many fantastic men online that are out there just waiting to meet a woman like you!
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