The Art of Approaching, Part 1
Who approaches girls the best? The guys with good looks, or the guys with good attitude?
Attitude, all the way.
More than any other area of attraction--conversation, flirting, body language--the approach is considered the most important. What other action so commonly is called an "art?" It's an art, because there are so many ways to do it. And the guys who approach with the right attitude, are the master painters of seduction.
When it comes to approaching women, I do one thing before everything else: I decide what attitude I'm going to carry in finding women. That's right. I invest in the idea of CHOICE.
This is a two-fold issue: it's about how I choose to approach a situation, and how I choose to approach women. Because if you approach women with the wrong attitude, you're not going to get anyone's phone number or first date. You're gonna spend another night alone.
But approach with the right attitude--that, my friend, will lead to all kinds of good things. Including beautiful women.
So it all comes down to how you CHOOSE to approach the approach, as it were. A lot of guys invest EVERYTHING into the approach: it's black or white, hit or miss, score or fail. Nah, that's not the way to do it. Believe me, girls KNOW when a guy is approaching them out of desperation, out of fear, out of wanting nothing more than sex ASAP. And the guys who choose to go in with those attitudes, FAIL. They don't get a number, they don't get a first date. They get nothing.
Compare that with the guys who choose to view approach in a different way: They choose to see approach not as a black or white entry into a woman's bedroom, but as an OPPORTUNITY for a chat. A fun time. A chance to get to know someone. Phone number or no phone number, it's gonna be a good time. If a girl's not into one of these guys, it's all good. They move on. There's no bitterness, no self-pity, no regret. It wasn't meant to be.
Their attitude is a positive one, not a negative one. Even if they fail, they bounce right back up again. Even if they don't get a phone number, they still have a good time. Even if they didn't do well, they learn from their mistakes and grow from the encounter.
It all comes down to what choice you're giving to women. Are you making her acceptance of you conditional to your happiness? Is your self-esteem DEPENDENT on her liking you and wanting to have sex with you? Do you create happiness yourself, or let them create (or take it away) happiness for you?
Kahlil Gabrin said, "We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them." Are you going to choose joy, or are you going to choose sorrow? I think you can tell which approach is better. If there's one person you're going to be dependent on, that person should be YOU. YOU determine your happiness more than anyone...but it's a choice. A choice of attitude.
None other than Albert Einstein put it best: "Take charge of your attitude. Don't let someone else choose it for you."
Now let's talk about the choice you make towards women. More than anything else, guys get this area wrong: They don't know who's right for them. That is, they approach EVERYONE! Not the girls who are right for them, not the girls who have personalities they're actually into. Just anyone they think might be an easy score.
Did you know that the divorce rate is actually higher for people in a second or third marriage than in their first? Why? Because the men and women throw out their idea of choice; in a rush to quash their loneliness and sadness, they choose anyone who will marry them, rather than growing from dating and selecting only a person they REALLY want.
One of my all-time favorite quotes is from a guy named Ken Kennedy, who says, "The more a man can come from a place of choice, two things happen: the higher quality women he will attract, and #2, the more likely the relationship will last, because he won't rush into something that isn't ideal."
Get that? It's great to have an ideal women in mind! Think about how time and frustration you can spare yourself by not wasting your time with women who aren't your type: too fat, too skinny; too bitchy, too nice; too tall, too short. Approaching is so much easier when you come from a place of choice.
So take a minute to paint a picture of your ideal woman. Obviously, no woman is perfect, but if you find someone who seems to have the traits you know you like, and not the traits you know you DON'T like, you're bound to have more success with her--in the approach, and in the relationship. Go for quality, not quantity!
The choice is simple: When you take the right approach to attitude, and the right approach to who you want to approach, you'll get more women, and more importantly, the right women. And that's a winner's game!
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